So close to my heart
But just out of reach
A fingertips away
A wall I cant breach
This door that opens
Only from the inside
Open it now
Spread the gates wide

Give me green, in all it's shade
For color is lacking here in birth
Oh growth, you desire
And roots deep into the earth

On topsoil you sit
Carried to and fro and yore
Tossed in seasons of turmoil
Thrown like waves to the shore

Your small fingers dig
Grasping at the earth still warm
The sunlight kissed it
To sleep in it you yearn forlorn

The earth she call to you
Like the wind in the trees
She sings you lullaby's
A song in her breeze

Oh simple heart, sweet delight
I see you basking in the daylight
Oh child of forests, my sweet light
I find you here wreathed in starlight

You make peace of the beings
That cling to celestial heaven
You shield all below, with your eaves
And in kind their brethren

Branches screaming to be free
Reach higher still to the sky
A trunk so strong, she is sturdy
Roots that sink, but never fly

Born Happy
Lived Broken
And in the end
Died In Your Arms

I wish I was ugly
Then maybe I wouldn't hear so many lies
I am not the most beautiful girl in the world
Not even close

I wish I was ugly
I can sleep on my own, I just want to rest
I don't need you to keep me warm
Not this night

I wish I was ugly
So that no one would give me another look
They would just drift on by
Not with a care

I wish I was ugly
So my dreams were more substantial
Unbroken by boys who think they are boss
Not in your dreams

I wish I was ugly
So less mascara would be wasted on my cheeks
Instead of on tear stained lied to lashes
Not that waterproof

I wish I was ugly
Except I don't think anyone would love me
They don't like me beautiful
Not even a little

I wish I was yours
Forever and a day
Without all the lies and tears
That get in our way

Mommy stop it
Just go away
Be like the rain clouds
And come back another day
You are never there
When I need you most
Just stop talking
And close your mouth
Its raining its pouring
But your love is boring
I walked away and I'm not coming back
Just figure it out, that thing you lack

I wish my Mother loved me
Like in those stories
I wish my Mother knew
What I've been through

Who do memories belong to?

Besides, they are never the same.
From day to day or eye to eye.

How sweet to be
The last thing I taste at night
The worm moon will not steal
My dreams of you
I will kiss you again in the morning

maybe crawling to oblivion
was not the best idea
as dreams come
others go
yet so much is still the same
the space between us
it has not changed
the solidity that I had
in my resolution
while it wavers
is no more moved
than rocks buried in the earth
if I dug
so deep down, within my own self
I would find little more
than that I carry in the back of my mind
a little colder it might be
but oh the sun, would not touch such
for light brings much to sight
as much as time brings wisdom and understanding
to the back pocket of tomorrows toil
oh wanderer! that you would find peace
and that you would still journey
what more is beyond the hill
that would change a stone mind

You told me that there was no end to darkness
That she was the all-reaching
A younger eternal
Still much more than I in existence
A higher being
To my dispermenance

I took this as truth
And swallowed her as water and whiskey
She burned like fire and quenched my thirst as one

Time
Has gone on
And things, dreams
And vision
Oh how they have come to pass

The truth that I had took
She has sat in my belly
And looked through my veins
She saw no stars, but has made constellations in me

I changed.
She is the same,
But she has made me not quite as I was before
Since now I am different - so she seems to be more
Though it does not make me less

While my words may not be for you
It is something said
And so it remains something spoken
Even as it sits on my tongue
Such that I could pull it through my teeth

The Darkness, she wants me
And the angels around me
Oh that their words of caution were more than whispers in the wind
I have a deaf soul
But she sees signs and wonders
Just as they are meant to be know  -by those who have walked the way the eternal has lain bare for them

There is no contrast to be found in this darkness
You have sparks, but no light
But hope will bring you through all things
Even as the storm is coming
Even as the storm is here
Where no ending is found
You will make a new beginning

You don't have to!
I know you want to
I know you try
But listen outside of your head
Cuz what is in there
Is a lie.

You are worth it
You are loved you
My ray of sunshine
From God above

Put it down
Let me hold you
You aren't a slave
No one sold you

You are your own master
It doesn't have to be faster

Whatever you want
Just please not this
Let nothing touch your skin
Unless its a kiss

You are blessed
With a beautiful smile
So put it down
Just wait a while

No one is like you
Nobody comes close
It doesn't matter
You don't need a perfect nose

You matter
So much in my heart
I will walk this journey, beside you
From the start

It's okay.
I know.
It hurts.
A lot.
But, my beautiful friend, that is all the more reason to stop.
You have self-control
Don't let a stupid piece of metal or flame
Take this toll

You don't have to pay
You owe no debts
So just wait a minute
Don't hurt yourself yet

Breathe in the air
It wont be your last
Let your lungs
Erase the past

Smile a little
At the corners of your lips
Feel the love
Like a gentle kiss

Atleast one person
Doesn't want you to cry
They want you happy
Your eyes to be dry

And if you cant think
Of a single soul
Who doesn't want you broken
But needs you whole

Let me be
Your sweetest memory
Your north star
"It's enough for me."

I'm a stranger
But I am your friend
And I will walk with you
Until the end

I know your heart
I can guess your story
How you were destroyed
And lost all your glory

But even you
Can shine again
I'll take your hand
Just tell me when

Just because you spelt a word wrong
Or maybe said the wrong thing
Maybe someone left, and they wont come back
Be happy for what you have, not what you lack

You never know
How things will change
I just know
They wont be the same

So just a minute
Or maybe an hour
Before tomorrow
And it stings in the shower

You arms are your wings
I want you to fly
You can live and dream
Don't chose to die <3

Xoxo

I’m just a girl
I love her
I love moving my body
I love music
No one
Can care for me
Like myself

If I wrote a poem about love
Could you find it among the others
Would my emotions be any better or worse
Redundant yet unique in your melody
Like another drop of water
In an over flowing stream
Would you drink me into your life
Or let me rush away in the current
Pull me out, or let me be pulled along
Is either right, or either wrong
I'm just another love poem
About your smile and your hands
Just another strong emotion
That guides my selfless choices
Just another one
Yet still unique in the song I sing

In this infinite you have wrought moments
I run circles in my head, this is how I know the way back to you so well
What is complexity, but understanding that I have not yet grasped
I have failed, and this is life
And I am fallen, yet if a rising can be made then their is no shame in such

Falling through the endless void
Yet the darkness, while empty, if it can contain me
Let it hold all things even as it let's me go
This light behind my eyes
A spark, a flame, a childish existence
Where is the fault
Will the blame rest upon me
Or upon the soil you bury your secrets in
I wander, as do my thoughts
And in the back of my mind
I turn these thoughts over
As if they were restless in their grave
As devout as you make yourself to be
Your prayers have fallen on deaf ears
Am I a little wonder?
To those who lack wonderment
You are blind, so you see with your hands
Why then do you withhold your fingers from my skin?
I am not beyond your grasp, but you let me slip away
Still I see the tears in your eyes
Even as you wipe them away with the back of your hand
I clench my jaw.
What is this?
It rises in my chest
Flowing through my arms
To fill clenched hands
Oh anger why do you find me now
I have run from you
Since I was a child
Why do you find me now
Just to catch in the back into my throat
These fingers know old secrets and bitter words
I would pound them into the earth  just so you could know my secrets
Rhythmic.
But even this you would not remember
Even this, a whisper on my tongue
You could not taste

just a daydreamer
who doesn't want to forget
but the nightmares come
and I write them on my wrist

just a little girl
who can't remember
but the night comes
and I haven't been kissed

just a repeat
who can't be original
but I twist this story
and there is a part you missed

just one scar
who can't be distinguished
but I stand out redder
and it hurts to not know bliss

just this time
who will stop me
but maybe I don't want to
and I have already let go

just like before
you reached in and saved me
hugged me around my scars
made me hold on

and we hold to each other
when the world falls apart
and we make it to the end
because we knew where to start

and you always remind me
so I never can forget
42 miles are nothing
because we can conquer it

and I braver
than I ever was before
and that is one thing
I have yet to thank you for

and I will always listen
just above the noise
and hear your heart screaming
among all the ploys

and sing to me
my Elven friend
and you sing sweetly
from beginning to end

and sweet dreams today
and better ones tomorrow
and just for tonight
forget all of your sorrow

Just enough is what I need
Just enough I do not have

Just you will suffice
  To keep we warm and calm in this life

You made me think it was okay to keep going
Even if it didn't get  better
Even if I didn't do better
That somehow my something was enough
It was because you gave your all
Even though you thought it was so little
That I wanted to give everything
So that we could give so much together
Like oxen pulling at a yoke

And maybe that is not much to you
Or even to anyone else
But it was hope to me
And it has changed everything

In a way
You taught me how to love
To be kind
Because you showed me kindness
When I found myself less than deserving
God bless you for such my friend

Allow me
To chew
My anger
Up for you
Spit it
Into your mouth

When you finally
Bite into it
It will fill you up
As it has eaten me
From the inside out
For so long

A devouring hole
I am not able to quench
I have hungered, ached
Starved for affection

You call me
To your own table
Refuse to feed me
Shaming me
For my watering mouth
I drip, saliva
You, sweet milk and honey

When I tell you
I have no kindness
Left in me
You stab your knife
Into the table
Carving up
Mahogany inhibitions

And I
Who once stood
Tall, as an oak
Proud as a pine
Begin falling
Earth of roots
Hold me again

A tree falls
In the forest
No one hears it
Did it still fall

The man
With the axe
Is deaf
I am kindling now

Hunger, thirst
Your breadcrumb trails
Bait me
Crumbs of life
Through the hourglass
Digesting your wonderment
All to quickly

Anger is a hot and cold flavor
Slip down smoothly
Only to flood
Into my fingertips
Fists of famine
Devouring

What good is the kindness in your heart
If it doesn't reach the tip of your tongue
And cannot even find its way to the extremity of your hands

I guess she thought it was okay
To let me know her in that way
I think she knew the intent
And the way my heart was spent
How circumstances change a view
And love sometimes clouds your view
The tears fell like water over a sodden face
I never knew that this could take its place
I was told dreams are made of dust from a star
But mine are made of earthly things not quite so far
They brought a dream of the kind type
It wasn't enough though, to bring light
Like a an heir to a throne you left your kingdom
And me behind, to fight the war
A war I could never win alone
But hey that is what soul mates are for
Forget dreams and remember me
Shut the gates and throw away the key
Just love me now, and until tomorrow
We will forget the sorrow
For today is its own and you are mine
And will dance forever even if it is only a short time

The ******* of my tastebuds should never of met you

Your lips were the edge of the world
I find myself
Forever falling

Of all the tastes in the world
Your kisses are the most **tangible

This is all that I am
The child I was
Is dead and buried
Why so I hear her
Crying from the grave
My mother never tucked me in
My ghost
Makes her dirt bed every morning
Day Lilies kiss my forehead
A headstone headboard

Darling I am sorry
If I ever make loving you
Sound like a chore
It is a job
I have begged for
Labored for
I will sweat my brow
For just one of your kisses
There is no labor of love
Too large
Take my hours
My rough hands
It is not too much
You could never be
More than enough

it is women
who scrub dry blood
off cobblestone of streets
.
who stood for something here
who died

The moon has never said a word
All this time
I wonder if she knows
I dream of her thoughts
How utterly entranced
I am by her beauty

You paint me as the wild one
So you can be the calmest man in the room
Calling yourself natural sunshine
So I can be portrayed as gloom

I thought
When my body went out to the forest
It would become one with the soil
Rotting and rotting
Decomposing every ache and blunder it has ever held
Intricately blended into Earth's webbing
Finally, I am soft

My name tasted sweetest in your mouth
Why did you turn your head and spit it out
My kisses slipped down on your cheeks
You my scornful lover turned me away
So the night fades now into the past
I will not call for you to return to me Nothing but broken love and trust hurts like this
Your guilt will follow you like a shadow
My name will be found in my own mouth
to sing into the light what you could not
How could I expect you to cherish my heart
When you yourself my friend, did not have one to share

It gets worse with every word


The beats of my heart that are not heard


Walk away and I will sleep


And pray the lord my soul to keep

Lately, when asked, how are you?

I roll down my sleeves, hiding scars on my wrist that don't cut as deep as the words you left wringing in my head

Lately, when asked, how are you?

I wonder how quickly your promises dissipated in the mist of time when I no longer lay quiet to your objections

Lately, when asked, how are you?

I hope for you to pick up the phone, ask me yourself, find words for your emotions licking the face of friendship torn apart

I asked you to take a step back, you took two steps forward, three steps back, I dug my heels into the ground I am not moved, I am not deaf, I hold hope in my hands currently waiting for you to ignite coals that have not completely burned out, to breathe life into a husk withering before harvest, to fill a half empty glass with salty tears, to unburden yourself, you need not carry this

Be no martyr, victim, savage or fool
Be grace, be a listening ear
Find me, when I bite my tongue at foolishness, wring my hands of blood not wanting it to drip down your wrists

You shackle your hands, beseeching me for a key you hold under your tongue
I hold no ill will for you, an ounce of heartbreak on a scale you will not let be tipped in either favor
I know of the tears you cry, I feel your heart breaking
I do not know if you will accept comfort from me, accept comfort at all, pity is for fools and I am full of it

My prayers for you are sweet sleep, gentle days, birds singing in your window, wind in your hair, hope in your heart, heart in your hands
I hope these prayers find you, I hope you let them in, I hope you remember, not with tears, I hope you know joy, I hope you ask her to stay even as I have left you, not as far as I will soon be

Lately, when asked, how are you?

I hope you are well

Sad because,
The people I want a better life with
Don’t want a better life with me

Sad, because

reborn on a tree, like a leaf
           *only to be lost in the wind
                       *gusts of time that blow into tomorrows

If you wēl not do me ròight
Donnùit do me at all
If you ærn't going to stand
With me
Let me lærn to feíl

Idle are léighm hænds
Not so a füls tóngə

The ransom on your head
And the new marks upon my bed
A secret that lies between the sheets
The tremble of cold feet

I dipped a toe and it got wet
I could stop myself - not yet
I breathe my fear into your lungs
I clasped the cold ladder rungs

A silent scream of my own choice
A screaming calling crazy voice
We did it together - not strong enough on our own
Our choice to make our debt to condone

Now I lay in a ditch
With a heart of evil witch
Now numb buried in dark earth
A painful shallow berth

Call for me I need your name
To ignore my own pain
This is your own foolish doing
Watch the storm clouds are brewing

We see night and day but can we not look
At what we lost and what the dark one took
My foot is caught my heart in between my hands
My allegiances torn between lands

The light is diming and the night falls
And you and your voice calls
I crawl between the thorns
From this I never learn

A breeze between the sheets
Where body and I always meet
Reading to deep between the lines
Remember oh so many times

I did the wrong and I pay the price
Not once now but twice
The path is thicker the steps are faster
Like a dog called by his master

I need the rush and I love the fire
All things aside I just have on desire
No words because the actions speak louder
Like a fish on the shore - I continue to flounder

Like words written in stone
And a candle all alone
A deal is struck
And so goes my luck

A had a choice - and a future
But caught between web and suture
A trap that I walked into
A trail I chose to get to you

You call me now in the dark
You want me to play my part
No knife but still you leave scars
All your kind belong behind bars

But please know this comes from a place of love
But I cant touch you - without a glove
If I do I would burn
Just another lesson to learn

I have to go - I will follow the sun
Until I find another one
A galaxy filled with stars
A world that is unlike ours

I will shine like the moon
A light but hidden behind gloom
You see me and watch my glide
Seeking for the heart I hold inside

Eighteen days.
Eighteen hours.
Eighteen minutes.
Eighteen flowers.

Some for now.
Some for later.
Some for love.
Some for haters.

Days to begin.
Days to finish.
Days to win.
Days to diminish.

Less than lies.
Less than before.
Less than true.
Less than more.

Eighteen days some less nights
Each a star in its own right

I have become less of late
And my words have become such

I do not expect
For you to count me as a loss
When you never valued me at all