When
cheaters and liars
rise to the top of the polls

When genocidal speech
wanna be torturers
let their goals unfold
advocating killing relatives
Something every drug lord knows

When words don't mean anything
Images are everything
When words and images disconnect
When words don't work

It's what we call psychosis
in the psych biz

We're all thinking
That can't happen here

A cousin they call Germany
Refined
Civilized
Educated
Defined art
Music
Ethics

Found out exactly what every **** head
knows when you go too far
There's gonna be advanced window patrol
Getting out the duct tape
Wrapping up the house
Can't let any light
in or out
You may end up in leather restraints
On a plastic sheet on a metal bed

America better call the crisis hotline
Stand in line for same day services

5150/Legal 2000/72 hour commitment
Being a danger to self and others
Rapidly becoming gravely disabled

Hold on, I'll write that Hold now

Bring out the atypicals
Risperdal Zyprexa Serequil
Take an Ativan
Take a Zanax
**** it take a ******

If you don't come back down now
Find the ground

You'll be okay
In a decade or three
The suffering of course
Will be burns in the third degree

Psychosis can be unkind

All civilizations have their day
Incline
Recline
Decline

It can't happen here?
Chaotic brutality knocking on the door
You gotta know what's in store

We need an intervention
Breathe it back on in
It can still be okay

Reality check

Words sometimes mean something
And people sometimes mean what they say

And though
Images dissolve
Evolve
Fracture and split

Those that are seeing and hearing
What's going on
are holding their breath
Wondering how crazy it's really all gonna get.

I’m toxic
A little psychotic
I take zyprexa, an anti-psychotic, I don’t know if it’s working
My own fault though, I keep self medicating
I take the pills they prescribe and they help but not when my mind is racing
Speed, it’s ironic really
Because it slows me down and I am able to function
I can show affection and my emotions seep out of my bones
But it causes everyone to leave me alone
Is it my fault? Is it something misdiagnosed?
I don’t know, I only know how I feel and I use when I don’t know how to deal
Life is roaring rapids, I fall out and slowly drown from what has a hold of me
I don’t know what else to do but self medicate
Its another thing I use, a crutch
When I can’t stand by myself and don’t reach out to anyone else
I’ve lost my mind, I tell everyone I’m fine
I’m always thinking of a line whether it be drugs or a rhyme
I’m not kind on the come down and I hate my entire being when I’m rude to my mom
If I were to have a clone I’d beat the **** out of myself and tell her what’s really wrong
She makes sure I have what I need especially when I wretch my sadness all over the floor
She never shuts the door in my face when I need a place, without her I would be misplaced
One night she was shrieking and it doesn’t matter that she was drinking
The feelings were in the air, they were something tangible that I could grasp without being an ***
I saw sadness, rejection, neglect, frustration, anger although it’s a secondary emotion and that’s what she uses to mask her raw emotions
I saw hatred, not for me, but the addict inside me
She’s the only one who doesn’t call me crazy, she lays in bed with me when I feel like I’m not in control
She does breathing exercises with me when I really just want to fall
I make a lot of commotion and she still loves me as her son
I am all of the above when on drugs, my heart still hurts but I’m full on love
My family and friends have been pouring it into me and that’s the only thing keeping me going
I’ve said it once, but I’ll say it again, without the love there’s no reason to be alive.
Without the love, it’s failure to thrive.
Without the love, I won’t survive.

Uh oh...have that feeling
clean clean clean
no sleep
bo peep
get busy on the ball
clean he floors, clean the walls
waiting for the pills to effect
make me sleepy and tire
uh oh
the doc is fired
round and round
my motions go
none to sleep
none too slow
tegretol doesn't work
zyprexa is failing
hands are busy
hands are flailing
mind is going 100mph
think of next, I know not
clean the bathub
before it rots
need a new car
not done paying
don't know what
I am saying
don't give way to seeing things
don't get paranoid
take your hormones
your steroids
don't listen if the tv talks
go for a long walk
if I had gas
I'd drive and drive
thanking someone
I am alive
alive and free, yes thats me
It's late at night
ten o'clock
go to moms
a boat dock
want to cry
but what for
I am busy
clean the door
jam to music
bug the neighbors around
they will be yelling
"turn it down"
dancing in the living room
head held high with a broom
gotta go get busy fast
have to do it now
green moons
and purple cows....

I dreamt last night
I often dream,
A wyrd ship was bound from
Holyhead, Wales
To Spitzbergen, Norway
Or some Such...........
Melting Arctic place
We moved around
Inside, nightclubs,
Alcohol, drugs a sense of not
Belonging there.

Then I awake
Slowly at first, that
Feeling, eyes
Opening, consciousness
registering surrounding
Yes, this is remembered
reality.  Lazing on a
Chilly afternoon.
Zyprexa dreams make
You shiver
Effexor lullabies
Cause cold stomach
Fears in mornings;
Or afternoons, if one
is not to lie........
Don't lie, why bother
The truth is so much......
simpler

My mind recalls lines
From songs
The Pixies/Black Francis
"Where is my mind?"
Where indeed, Mr. Black
The Beatles
"She loves you"
She does love me
They are right,
Thank my God.....

I shiver and run for
The kitchen, coffee
And rivotril
Makes ease, sooths me
Even cigarettes are electronic now
Thank you...it's better
Mr. 21st Century, you're
Quite the inventor
An unopened iPad, Apple Air
Steve Jobs 16 Gb
He died, you know
But that's the Beatles Apple
Isn't it?
You naughty boy Steve,
Lennon and Harrison
Must be scolding you
In the V.I.P. afterlife where -
Famous people go

She rings me,
I cannot walk, not yet
My mind is still too full of
Fears, and sharp edges
But later perhaps
I will.  It's good to walk
It lets your feet talk
To the ground
And the ground
around here that is,
is As good a place as any
To ground oneself
Is it not?

You left me alone in the debris of your thoughts. You set me on fire and just let me burn,
just like the rest of the useless things in this world. You kept shoving pills down my throat like xanax, synthroid, zyprexa and klonopin just to get me to change who I really am, but I don’t even know who I am.

You kept telling me that I’m not good enough,  that I’ll never be good enough. So I can’t get through a day without telling myself that I’ll never be able to succeed  anything, that I shouldn’t even try. That’s probably why you left.

My life was a lie upon many that I never chose to accept,  because you said you loved me. You said you wouldn’t leave this time. But you saying you love me was just a figment of my own illusion because the next day you were off with some other girl.

I won’t lie and say I’m fine because I only have 182 bones because you took my rib cage out just to get to my heart. I won’t say that my brain doesn’t think about you anymore because my memories of you takes up 2.6 petabytes of my mind, it’s overflowing.

I drank every night just to eradicate you from my mind.  I had a system overflow and I wasn’t aloud to reboot myself, I wasn’t allowed to erase you from my life.  In my life we were perfect but in yours we were just a nervous wreck  and when our bodies collide all you could think is how to end it.

I guess you were never worth the brutal beating,  or the left over beer bottles scattered around my room. Because now I can finally say I’m over you…  Or at least I think.