I've seen fish swim underwater
and turtle heads peek over
and smelled leaf mildew
under blue tarp's dew.

I've sat watching my mother
knitting-in-the-round
as she watched TV
buxom and warm
(whose warm embraces)
won and lost my father
who accepted having children - not his (or hers)
raised them, fed them, sent them to school
and in the end
left.

I listened to punk
and tried to drum to it
then watched TV
and slept on the couch
and woke in a sweat
and kept my head down
and fell into bed.

just like my dad
who ate with us
then drank enough to fall asleep
sitting in his La-Z-boy
head bent to chin
half smoked cigar, half ash, half a glass  

someone who knows him
can't explain.

I love my wife
and see her
and really see who she is
who when her father died
my friend too
knowing his soul was alive
placed the phone by his side
for me to say goodbye

and that was really the kindest
thing a person could do - has done
it is her love that saves me.

and in the wing
and on the shore
and in the plains
where Indians store
the living pines as tall as mine
lifting birches - children's lashes
lay running away
towards me in the dark.

There was snow on the ground so I grabbed a coat
Nothing abnormal, nothing to note

Or so I thought but I remembered you
The things you said and the things you do

Twenty years down the road and I felt my stomach sinks
I remebered you showing me to hold my cuffs, I think

You did indeed with those small arms of mine
You said "hold on to the cuffs of your shirt and pull, itll be fine"

So I did as I was told,
I didn't want to be cold

And correct you were, my coat was on just right
I didn't have to try again, it was on perfect and tight

I remembered this moment now, as my coat was crinkled and loose
Why did I have this memory, I didn't get to choose

You ruined my life and I hate you for that
Today was not the day for a panic attack

No father-daughter dances, no yelling when I kissed a boy
No screaming because I won't quit playing with my toy

In prison you now are, growing old and weak
I can't help but wonder, I can't help but seek

I need answers and not the same old lies,
Why didn't you love me, why do I still cry?

I'm twenty-three, and I still crave your love
Was I bad, or too ugly, or did you forget a glove?

Sometimes I still want to see you and talk
Sometimes I still miss you, your voice, and your walk

But I don't though, not really, I just think I do
I just want my heart mended, what I need is glue

I sometimes feel bad, but for you and not for me,
I'm everything I ever hoped for, something you'll never see

Twenty-three years and your kid is still scarred
What you left is unfished and you're behind bars

I am grateful to you for giving me life,
Everything else is dead, give me a knife

Break-Ups are Sad

because so much is left
unsaid. So many plans
unfished. So many dreams
unfulfilled. So many days

left wondering will things
ever be the same again. And
what will I do now on those
nights I spent with you. Who

will understand me the way
you used to? Who will laugh
at my ***** jokes? Who will I
buy chocolates for on Valentine's

day? And what about the love
letters I wrote? What about the
love I still carry around in this
battered heart? What about

the pictures on my phone? What
do I say to my friends when they
ask? How do I stop myself from
calling? From mulling around the

house and not becoming a potato
couch? Or is that couch potato? Will
I compare everyone else to you? And
how can they ever measure up if I do?