I was thinking
A thought

That turned into flashes
of grandeur, greatly mundane, yet profound storytelling
of the conscious mind's eye

Yet, I fall into the trap of tracing and chasing
the dream ...

I fall into the trance of
tracing back, a transient feel
yet, feeling so out of place

Placed - here, and here I hear it
A thought, that became a stream of opening
That fluidness of it's true nature
of becoming a story - that never happened

- Yet, feels like reality -

I wake up
And think about my memories of my day to day experience
I see them like I see my dreams
I can NOT distinguish between one or the other (in past tense)

Yet, there is something so real
Yet, fake about a memory
Because a dream is rememebered the same way as a memory

That is the fine line, I constnalty walk upon

When I left forever what I had with me was nothing..
Remembering the past I had no single day taking rest..
My days were filled with conferences, appointments and parties..
Spending lakhs per month for my pet dog is the happiest thing I ever did.
Turning face away from the needy became my daily routine.
Seeing people eating from the trash  or sleeping with stray dogs never made my heart broken.
When ugly hands came in through the glass asking to feed the starved,
I feared if the ***** hands touch my white silky cloths.
So I looked up to see the signal light turning green and to accelerate my high-end car, while loads of delectable foods were thrown out of my bunglow untasted.
Leading such a royal life did never remind me the value of humanity.
I thought my life remain luxurious forever .
Moving fast again rose the numbers of my lockers but couldn't see that the signal was red once.
I saw everyone running away from me taking my lockers' key when I fell out of the window.
Drenched in red I saw no dark clouds coming together to shed tears letting my silky cloths become white.
I kept mum and listened everywhere.
Heard only silence.
No weeping no sorrows.
They placed a white towel on my face so not even a single kiss of them made me wake up.
I rememebered the day my mom read psalm 49 for me.
Tears cascaded my cheeks for the first time.
Lying in the dark narrow suffocated box I requested them
"Be my hands out of the coffin ! Let others know what I take with me is nothing."
--Wake up and be kind--

ABJECT:
   experienced or present to the maximum degree
   not: completely without pride or dignity; self-abasing

ergo: AUBJECT:
               having a self-deprecating sense of humor?

   𐰀‎𐰋‎𐰖‎𐰅‎    (abje-)              otherwise

        TA:           𐱃‎𐰀‎
        AT:            𐰀‎𐱅

                𐰶  (iq, qi, queue calf)

𐰢   (m)

                𐰔‎  (z)

supposedly these letters govern:
                 whatever it is they govern
although the latter have
no back no frontal vowel variation
as other consonants

old Turkic as the prototype
for Runes:

               just thinking about the great
migrations of people:

the islands of Polynesia with New Zealand
and Hawaii included
that began in Taiwan
ventured not to Thailand
but across those islands above
Australia: maybe Indonesia probably
given the etymology of Polynesia
and Indonesia being the islands that
peeled themselves off
the Indian subcontinent...

      ergo if the Mongols did the migration
by conquest
then the Turkic people spread from
Mongolia too
but slowly and without much conquest
or Empire building
only as the Ottomans did they
invest in empire prior to them the Seljuks
Tughril and Chaghri...

but before that migrated as merchants
and probably journeymen
not as lamentable as the nomads of
the Twelve Tribes
not really with religion behind
and religion ahead: newly ascribed
to the pagans of their own
mischief and not mischief some genuine
concern for the souls of pagans
i don't know...

but given the letters
there are some exchange of ideas about
how to communicate most
effectively
and in writing and to better remember
then escape from the oral tradition
and all that ******* and *******
to not forget
  
            by now we are living into our 80s
and the bones give way
at the knees and not from a lack
of intuition but old age seems
counter intuitive when it comes to living
and before you could on a whim
and gravitas sense the vivo virilitas
and some vino veritas
  
                          while death was in glass:
mortem in vitro:

                      now we have to carry it with
us: like we always did
but now we can see how death makes
babies and old people
generic in their appearance:
how before we die
we see death and time wrangle us
and crunch us like paper
and before that all there was talk
of the resurrection of the body:
i'm guessing the reality of that being:
on the instance of your death
you would be resurrected as you were
say: 33 and in full strength to
give people a Glastonbury festival affair
but on Golgotha and without
music to fear...

however i don't trust Gothic: the script
is so deviant from Runes
and by then the Greeks must have visited
such places up north
and no wonder their solidified their presence
with the Russians
and what became of Greek was Cyrillic
and some reminder of Slavonic in Glagolitha:

Glagolithic: monolithic: definitely seismic in scope
the history we all know
or perhaps that's just me being pedantic
as i've taken to reading random
encyclopedia articles
and maybe they're not so random
while
the Continent shifts towards the Right
while the Island shifts towards the Left:
but it's not called the right or the left
on the Island
instead you have to sort of sprinkle some covert
wording: Converse to Conserve:
Labor with Public Toils:

         i knew Rishi would lose
after the shifty 3rd term
i don't remember how the past 14 years happened
i remember two general elections:
really remember only two
the second being staged on the promise
of leaving the European Union
the first one obviously to usurp what was
happening: shape shifting democracy
on top
how many minor prime ministers did
we have after Cameron:

Theresa May
Boris Johnson
Liz Truss
Rishi Sunak          - a fine spell:

but i don't remember any of them being elected:
maybe i'm just forgetful
but i just remember the changing of hands
for a third stretch:
and not much else:
i remember some local elections
maybe...
                      but nothing really:

oh:                 so there were elections in 2017
                                                and in 2019...
but those seemed like internal affairs:
and almost sidelined
at least to my knowledge only yesterday
did a Conservative Party
representative knock on my door
and asked me to bring my passport
and vote for the local MP
who was only 0.6% points ahead in the poll

this not so model citizen didn't
vote:
                                               even with the Muslim
and Asian vote:
have to talk demographics
some thought that there would be an Asian
prime minister by the vote of the people
rather than a reshuffle and
one dittohead talking over another
i know how biodiversity is great
but ethno-diversity is yet to be anything
a social experiment:
calmly: bluntly:

     would the native population vote in
an Asian prime minister
                      apparently not so and that's
not to stipulate that low hanging fruit
of calls to arms anti-fascists and anti-racists unite!
no:
i'm not an anti-racist: i'm just not racist...
if Kanye West can be a self-proclaimed
****
   and love ice-creams of Moscow then who
am i to judge myself
based upon politics        but sometimes
it's greatly sobering to have politics ******
into your face
like a milkshake at a politician and if
Nigel Farage is not the tamed Enoch Powell
then: i am a great admirer of the latter
but the former is my contemporary
and i can't see the big picture
just the little man and i myself am a little man
too because
i live in these times and have no luxury
(if it can be called that)
to look at and into history and probably
make the usual suspects list of mistakes...

if once poetry was so potent that
they could incarcerate Ezra Pound in a mental
asylum
that must have been a wonderful time to be a poet
not in the 1960s with the Beatniks
but at a time when a poet could be sentenced
and sent to a mental asylum
like a prison because you know that's
when words were POWER:
and whoever wielding them was considered
powerful...

                  what a time to have been alive:
now they just get the mob at you
and the little censors
     anonymous and like a flash rule of meteorlogical
whims:
               no real authority of the state
against a bothersome individual a poet of no concern
it would seem these days
a fringe lunatic
maybe i should start looking at
kidnapping plot websites and Satanic:
go covert go and start using TOR and the dark web
maybe then i'd get on the right
side of the wrong radar:

sincerely though:
i do remember better schools, better roads,
better transport...
maybe i'm just kidding myself: maybe i don't remember:
under labour -
schools i can probably say yes to
after all i did on ly pay £1200 a year in tuition
fees circa 2004 - 2007
and i really go my money's worth
a chemistry degree in my third year
implied 12 hours in laboratories
then at least 5 hours in lecture halls
   and on top of that i think i did some extra
courses:
   history in year two: that's 5 hours of lecture
and 1 hour tutorial...
failed French but had a French girlfriend
so i guess: half a pass...

         some I.T.: i knew how to build a basic
HTML
    but born way too late to credit from
a .COM                 boom with the likes of Amazon
and there seemed to be no real incentive
to go into the field
perhaps because my father was / is
a construction worker
              work was deemed elsewhere not in front
of the screen: officers were
constructed but not worked in:

as i wonder about the work that
went into constructing Wembley and other Arenas
and i no wonder about the sub-par
staff now employed in these places
and that's a god's green and honest truth

the work itself: crowd management and safety
is a PARETO PRINCIPLE
i.e.:
          20% of people
          cause
          80% of the problems...

the rest of the work is rather dull in that
i put on a smile and a concerned face
and whether i'm sometimes sincere i am not
always: authentic...
although i can be both authentic and sincere
i feel i'm more real if
push comes to shove:
i remain authentic but insincere
rather than
    crush myself under falsehoods
of sincerity mashed up with inauthentic (being)

that's like the complete opposite
of what one can accomplish with Heidegger's
da-sein:
and i have been prone to talk philosophy
with fellow coworkers
but it was not so much philosophy but about
human behavior: and that's not philosophy?
hardly a conversation about individuals
some variation of potholes i.e. nagging i.e.
scheming i.g. soap opera jargon...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

apparently upon waking i stink
of marijuana and *****:
evil dog demon i
but i did ask her: my mother:
to set up internet banking with me
while she complained
that she still doesn't know
the word trick of ctrl+c/+p
while i do it all the time
something to envy the positioning of my
hands at the keyboard

so ended up spending a day
among the civilized LIVING
not stuck in books
and the DEAD
and it was sobering:
refreshing: boring: but at least real:
and i don't know why
or where i got my ordeal of
Plato's despotic beauty:
that's gone...

               then the love of vinyls and CDs
and then books
and all living dead people not around
me
the Plateau and the Shield Volcanos
one on Kauai
one on Mars
and one on Venus
the eyes of earth competing with the grand
eye of wind that's Dune that's
Jupiter:
beyond halos of Saturn Neptune and Uranus
Catholic mantra: become small
Chinese mantra: become small
cope
let the world enlarge:
let the world be the world
and the universe of being
let the world become a place of non-being:

back to the world of the living
one bottle of white Italian wine
to get started:
then the measured approach
half a joint
deodorant spray into the garden
to mask the stench of half a joint
that's 0.05g Sherbert Mariquana
from America
and at least 1.5g of tobacco
from the Spirit of America the Polynesians
brought us cups of salt
the Indians the tobacco
and the whites just some technology:
i still have one last whiskey gulp: gloog:
Kosher Diet:
proper Goat killing...

      vegetarian Myo Muyu:
then i hear applause
from the garden
and i decide to put some music on: i'm putting some
music on some music on some...

(the mood wil eventually change:
bright colors, sparkly dust etc)

i was that guy: but then love's and life's disruptive
forces began gnawing at my brain
and hmm ha ha: provider trope
education the smallest economic sector
on Kauai
otherwise perfect shifty:
two pence three pence: three:
got my other fingers on a leash
extensions of your ****
and i don't know so desperately seeking
in ***** when you are
the other side
this *** swallow sum sore: oh O...

five Taylor Swift concerts:
i don't know:
i'm thinking about 16th and 20th
to add:
no i still haven't sent the t-shirts
i'm thinking i got the sizes wrong
all Wok and ***** and WONG Rrrrr:
grit with trill

the one letter in any alphabet
that has an ONOMATOPOEIA
for a NOUN: a name Trill is R:
what you do with the letter
whenever you see it:

cf. Rattlesnake...

             cf. Rattlesnake...

what: a: slow: day!
impossible day: mission:
get through to 1am
abandon a poem halfway through the day:
return: like going back to Edie
start a poem in the dimension
of the Yin & Yang...

              this is me experimenting with time:
i can stretch it:
the color to the canvas
when poetry is invoked:
time is my cognitive: constant stance:
half a joint and some whiskey
wrapping my Martin's Ring over
my Quarus' ear:
because i am magic man
because magic abounds:
nothing on earth
but in the universe
planets are people
and we choose to live on Mars
the Dune and Jupiter:
not yet... not yet...

                   waking up so late so late
half a day in the first two hours
of waking:
but i spent them talking in bed
and both of you said:
i was LOAF of LOATHING
red flag language

                                           then language itself:
can i please, please please please
be EX_USED:
excused:
                from this mundane: I.T. *******:
so IT looks less scary as acronym
I.T.:
            gotcha Braille .:              ! dye no die?

i told her my dream:
i was eating out two tubs of ice cream
and i wonder if Reyla thinks of me:
i'm not hearing Reyla making an references
to me:
i'd like to hear Reyla talk about me:
such an uncomfortable truth: for seeker...

                            there is work in the ethereal
and whether it's essential or not:
discarded, easily: existentially:
per: instance ex: every insistence:
an insomniac moth
a laborer fly
sleeping:

                too late to wake up and eat
breakfast with my father?
not nice...
  i wouldn't miss it for that world:
that's why i took measured steps:
now i get it:
i've only seen Reyla for 6 weeks in her
environment
and 3 weeks in my environment:
excuse you jealous man
and Ilona's prophecy so far removed:
that a man would forgo
and say unto mother and father:
my wife: your peer:
but i have a daughter:

           biological equivalence of dated:
"product"...
after all James Joyce took his schizophrenic
daughter down Finnegan's Wake:
and at least:
  libra: delta: score...

                                     Christ's Ronaldo
saying goodbye to the architecture:
it was almost comical
but a grand bowing out:
like Murray's Andy: bowing out:
this the season to be pensive:
for some melancholic jolly later
come the first days of July
and Cancer approaches
of Births
and the days IMMEDIATELY SHORTEN
to early 9pm
lights...

           the fates decided:
that is right: some people exist without gods
and abstracts
some people are pure IN VIVO
not pure IN VITRO:
in glass i see sand and in sand i see glass
but some people live elevated lives
of body thirst
and mind lust:
of body first
and mind last:
of body thirst
and mind lust...

                   that: sounds.... about right...

                      but the big topic was still
immigration:
the wages will not go up
and the food prices:
jeez:
politics no aside:

   an immigrant talking about immigration:
not the summoning of expatriate English
wording: from Charity Shield to Community Shield
from Aboriginal to Native
Pre-Colonial wording: i.e. no wording
no paper just boomerangs...

INDIGENOUS: not native...
higher tier Darwinism of wording just the right
politically correct artifact...

but a little b it by b i t complicated, no?

                                        the secrecy of the Left emerges:
now less so scolding at not having the reins
of the Reign:
perhaps now given the added responsibilities
they can stop bemoaning themselves
moaning at not being tried at being
competent instead seen as these narcissists
perhaps now in
this living Democracy of the United Kingdom:
did i figure out
that i do not get a vote for the Prime Minister:
blocker: King...
therefore i have to vote for my local MP
i sleepwalked through the G.E. of 2017 and 2019
i almost forgot Corbyn and the Late Parade...

then again my mouth was ash and journalism
and my eyes were looking to everywhere
and elsewhere:
more insipid work
and since the container will include
the sofa and the bed:
scared of the fiction: now?
no a sugar mommy:
but i just thought
this was another reality checker:
how rich people hide their wealth
because it can become to mean: personal:
like certain books coins: kopeks:
Dinaree...

                    uncombed horses:
falsify violin bows...              kiss kiss:
money money money:
    money money money:
           riches upon riches:
lands in distant land of island:
property
love becoming economic
slowing down
conversation i already know
the trinity of Peter
Jeff and Jason
and on repeat
and i know but how much does
it: i: deserve for it to hurt
if: a subtle whisper:
of what is
to what if

            language so cruel: yet so crucial:
but of those mentioned how
many exfoliated with words
and treated them with respect:

after all isn't there a war happening
between words and images
and words becoming images
like PEPSI
and PRADA
while images becoming words:

but that's ancient:
and certified:
accounted for by correctly
focused on: ideograms
and traffic color beyond symbol
strategy:

not RED AMBER BLUE
                          but GREEN:
or GRUE and BLEEN...
my first encounter with philosophy
came in Edinburgh:
2nd year: maybe 3rd:
philosophy of science: david hume:

i was taught about david hume
in edinburgh:
that's a bit like
being taught Kant
in the University of Königsberg...
David Hume the genius
i too went mad in the streets
of Edinburgh i walked
bare footed
and with a stick:
and that was my crescendo:

i spent a good 30min thinking about
Fiona and Tristan:
and how life so strange remains:
life and strangeness
and doubly that: estrangement....

         but at least i returned to the world
of the living for a bout of
admiring the forgiving
mythos: Ronaldo bowing out of the Colliseum
pity that i might be rememebered
and he will be forgotten:
because: i catered for the few
and the few slithered: like Hell is an Elephant
and in Memory: but also slithers
winding rivers and longer paths
because of the blood type PATHOS...

              Serenity Red not just simply: so red:
squirrel: carrot... onion bell bottom: blues...
Serenity Red not just so simply: red so red...
     holding back
            cradle fiddler how ***** how natural
how oh so ol' 'n' gunning for
furor!