the tiles that encompass me
are falling like dominos
this is blackness at its zenith and
I have a coneful
lucky me
it’s like the summer of ‘96
all over again
and my friend’s dad jumped
in front of a coal train
we ate ice cream that day
in the dank Minnesotan heat
everyone was dripping
the mosquitoes were flocking in
green cloud
ignite
flame
ignite
and the crunch of bones
like this water falling on my shoulders
wash
wash
again
the sticky syrup from my chin and
poor Dane’s pants smell and there is
**** pooling at his ankles
enjoy this chocolate-dipped cone
or possibly this one with
patriotic sprinkles
no
I think I’ll pass
I’m watching my ten-year-old figure
you see this paunch?
it is my heart
it is so fat and ugly
take it from me, god
enjoy it on top of your
sundae
I always looked better red-chested
anyway

Uffda, is a word
that us Minnesotans
use quite a lot
to express a lot of things.
Explained on Wikipedia
on how it can be used --
"It can be used as an expression of
surprise, astonishment, exhaustion,
relief and sometimes dismay."
Which explains what we had.

I was surprised when you told me
in your car that summers evening
that you had strong feelings for me.
It made me feel excited and happy
that someone who had their head
on straight had strong feelings
for a girl who had countless
issues she was dealing with.
UFFDA!!!!

I was astonished when we first
exchanged "I love you's" with
each other. It felt real, and strong,
and for the first time, I actually
felt it back for someone. It
lasted for almost ever, as we
explored the world with
each other. It was real, and
it was so beautiful.
Uffda!

I was dismayed when what we had
started to fray and break apart.
Nothing we did was good enough
for the other. All we did to help
ourselves and each other just
ended in failure.
Uffda...
Then, when we got back together,
I went back to astonishment. Through all
we went through, I was happy
enough that you were still in my
life in the way we both wanted.
Uffda, right?

And then, I was exhausted.
I couldn't keep up with the
sadness. I couldn't keep up the
affection when nothing was
brought back to me. That's when
you told me that you lost the
feelings. Which is when I started
to comfort you. It sounds crazy, but
just because I sat in your car
and comforted you as you told me
how you wanted to love me again
but just couldn't, doesn't mean that
I didn't watch you drive farther
and farther from my house
with tears in my eyes and a very
heavy heart. I wiped my tears away
and swiftly walked upstairs so nobody
asked me why I was crying so hard.
uffda... [insert tears]

Now, I'm dismayed again.
On my way to relief.
It will be a long road,
but someday I will say
Uffda. to all that happened
in a tone of relief.

There is But one Uber-Sun!
And many Uber-Suns around it!
It was that way when creation was done.
And that is the way the verse is knit.

The Uber-Sun is big and bright
And bright are the Uber-Suns many
And no matter what has been or might
Candy (on the uber-sun) will remain a penny

And the Uber-Suns see no despair
No hunger and no fear
For Uber are the people there
And on every planet near.

But do not think you would live upon
A star, uber and mighty
For on the Sun a fire is a lawn
And air conditioning is flighty

And for a Minnesotan chill,
A sun is very scary
For lack of snow, you take a pill
And two for lack of prairie

But now-now, child of the earth
Do not think all is lost
On Earth there is much mirth
And solace in the frost

With you, I race through underbrush, running from warnings that you only contradict with kisses up my thigh and phrases like "it's different with you"
With you, I stare at the North Star, looking up for something I can't see but feel lying next to me, holding my hand and whispering false hope in my ear. Telling me to look just a little bit harder.
With you, I listen for a heartbeat from a heart that has already gone still, and only hear your blood freeze over from our Minnesotan winter. I wonder how you managed to convince me that you keep me warm through the cold nights.
With you, I have ventured through my own train of thought and discovered that you persuaded me to give more of myself after I've bled myself dry for you.
With you, I have lost myself, I neglected my beliefs somewhere along your collarbones as I allowed you not only to **** me, but to change me into something I wasn't for your own peace of mind.
With you, I have abandoned my words, left them banging on your eardrums and teasing your lips into a pity smile. Thinking they would make the difference, that, maybe, if I wrote you poems about the sun shining through your soul that it wouldn't burn my skin anymore.  
With you, I felt alive, when really all I was feeling was the slow satisfaction of dying the way I wanted to. The way I chose to. You may choose your poison, but has your poison, in fact, always known what you were to decide?
With you, I believed in love, as if it could save me from the world. As if you could save me. But you took that love and you redefined it with anger and control.
With you, I didn't believe in my love of words, that I use now, to tell you that I believe again. I believe that you wronged me out of spite for past lovers that took your heart and drowned it in one of ten thousand lakes. I believe that love is kissing in high and low places and always stopping to smell the roses, but love is not throwing shoes on the porch or blaming each other for our own acts of selfishness. Love is not the only thing to live for.
With you, love was my drug of choice and a slow walk through the cemetery, but now love is my sky and you are just another lost soul eventually to be buried 6 feet under.

I stare into your eyes,
the color of the sky on a snowy Minnesotan morning,
I get lost in them.
I want to know you, all of you.
Its a strong feeling.
No more little girl giggles,
yet the same joy inside.
I never realized how broken I was,
until I saw the look in your beautiful eyes,
you wanted to hold me,
I didn't stop you.
I felt as if I was safe from everything when in your embrace,
I never wanted to leave.
Then I felt your lips against my neck,
slightly brushing, trying to test me,
I wasn't going anywhere.
I wanted that moment forever.

For Pat Stone*

            I remember you from a time once before dinosaurs roamed
the city streets, reeking of peach scented candles and boxed wine,
yearning for some sort of darkness.
            Reading from the novels of Stephen King as if they
were revisions of the bible.
            Who found darkness in a mammogram and shoved it into
her pocket along with the rusty brooches and earrings.
            Who lost love with an aneurysm.
            Who lost love with withering age.
            Who lost love with pneumonia.
            Where the remainder of her loved only existed in her short,
black hair growing from the roots of the past.
            Where her eyes look back onto the golden infinity known as
the old cornfield next to the big red barn of Mid-Western-Minnesotan  
conformity.
            Of the calls made to mother regarding how she'll die each time 
she notices something new.
            Who cried with me when mother had left me for sailing the sky.

            Oh, she was the mother.
            The mother of a generation much like mine.
            The mother who was the domestic wife in her natural habitat of
pots, pans and aprons.  
            The mother who was softer than the belt.
            The mother who kept family gatherings illuminated with award
winning short stories of brother, brother or sister.
            The mother who dealt with apocalypse that was Karen Grenier
as a child.
            The mother who did it.
            The mother who created lives and the mother who took death
as one of her daily pills.

            Brother, brother and sister now out the door, gone to make
their marks.
            The mother who was left only to mother the darkness in tastes of
boxed wine and Stephen King.

I.

Last winter,
when snow softened streets
and windswept ice decorated
cold light-posts, you called
Minnesota "home--"
"koti--"
for the first time.

I sat across from you
as a Minnesotan might--
I looked you in the eye
while we shared conversation
and you avoided my gaze.

Face red like firelight,
you smiled at all the right words
and spoke softly, your
thick accent stumbling
over English.

Each time our eyes met,
a grin darted across your lips,
an unspoken assent
to a question I hadn't asked--
then, quickly, you trained your eyes
on my shoulder-- on my forehead.

Maybe, I thought, he's
traditional-- maybe my
V-neck makes him uncomfortable.

II.

Today, I learned that
eye contact-- in your country--
is an invitation
to bed.

The Dems duked it out last week.
The Democratic debate number three.
At the current time we have
Quite a political potpourri.

Cory Booker had his moments
Of passionate insight, charm, and wit.
Although his polling numbers are down,
Booker showed that he's got grit.

Klobuchar's our Minnesotan.
While sometimes others appear misguided,
She reminds us all what happens
To any house that is divided.

Warren has her plan for this
And her plan for that, which is fine.
Can she keep up the fight and maintain
The strength to toe the party line?

Harris displayed pluck and resolve.
When she speaks, she's on fire.
It's just curious as to why
Her polling numbers are not higher.

One surprise was Beto O'Rourke.
Beto fans have to rejoice:
This prospective candidate
Has all of a sudden found his voice.

Without a doubt, one of the best
Speakers standing there on the stage
Was our veteran Mayor Pete,
Extremely wise for someone his age.

Although Biden is high in the polling,
At times his answers seem disjointed.
I start with high expectations,
But end up feeling disappointed.

Castro went after Joe Biden.
But sadly Castro's condemnation
Appeared to come less from strength
And more out of desperation.

Yang has managed to keep afloat.
But what's this crazy idea he has
About wanting to buy your vote?
A little political razzmatazz?

Bernie, well…Bernie's Bernie.
But why does he have to be so gruff?
After his rants, one wants to say,
"Enough already, Bernie, enough!"

It's early still and hard to know
Who will advance and who will flop.
But I would vote for ANYONE
Over the current man at the top!

-by Bob B (9-15-19)