Joel M Frye Feb 2011

Conjunctions creak, the adverbs ache,
nouns bear more than they can take.
Verbs are screaming for Ben-Gay
while pronouns atrophy away.

Adjectives have lost their bite,
possessives just give up the fight.
The subject's upset, naught agrees,
which weakens metaphoric knees.

Contractions all together moan;
the objects better left alone.
Ah, life is at a frightful stage
when poets and their poems age.

"The Minister of Silly Poems will see you now." :P
2-9-2011 JMF
liz Mar 2014

When is it that you've had enough
when you can't tell methane from Mexico
and the bruises on your knees
resemble the hickies
from the drug dealer boyfriend
you left last summer

I remember him very well
and picture his blurred face
Looking at me longingly
from between my legs

he was sweaty
and I was vulnerable
and he used every inch of my body
to convince me of his desire

but I dont mind
and an certainly not shameful
of that curiosity I developed
for telling skunk from week
and the admiration
and sexual frustration
for the cholo type of boy

sometimes I miss you
but maybe those are nights
that I'm not getting any

you see as i lay down to sleep

i feel the methane on my leg and arns

you seek have athena giving me methane to heal my karma

and i look like dai leu lama

you see i get this strange prickle in my leg and hands

reminding me, i need to be healed

i feel pretty crazy but i look calm and normal

back in the 90s i looked big and tough, but that ain’t for me

you see u am letting medication heal me and calm me down

so i can do what i want to do with my life

the prickle is allowing the methane  work through mu body

you see it’s because i upset athena with my crime i did

and every night athena gives me a dose of methane

so my mind and body can be normal

ya see i tried coke, but it didn’t work for me

but it is refreshing drink and in a way got athena to explain my brain and not be shy about what you say

you see the only way to completely heal, is to calm down and

not worry about people who hate me

athena is saying, calm calm calm

and i feel the methane really working, as i am sleeping on my chair

saying to athena to calm my aura

i got up, after a dream of distraction

ya see i was having fun throwing methane smoothies on dad

trying to get rid of his old man look, so his next life can be superb

you see, as i was up there, i heard paul berenyi, say

i wanna beer with brian, i wanna have a beer with him

because we have chucked too much methane on my dad

his past living, will be dead ya see

then up came the mafia, and took me aside

and said to me, stop protecting ya daddy

or we’ll never protect you

you see i poured more methane on dad, yeah

i found that sort of rad, and other people said i was crazy

and i hate that word oh no

i would love to have a beer with brian

cause i think he’ll be rolling in dough

then the mafia said, ok, let’s take brian allan to the guest home, that’s cool

drinking with brian is cool yeah, and it breaks no rules

i am a family person, but people like me better as a hooligan oh yeah

because i wash my hands clean od all that nonsense of the past

but if ya want me to bring it back, your a flaming fool

asi tipped methane on top of dad and said go home, ya old fogie

the mafia went up to me and tipped a gallon of methane on me

to kill me telling the streets my previous life story

so they can plan or attack each person at random

i am not surprised i have come second class

i was stuck in a HOTEL singing i just haven’t met you yet

ya see everyone says, you must get up and say, gett the world

and leave brian, and anyone who has become his mate

mind you this causes an uproar with all the people who went to

the woden special school in the 80s, who met brian, and teased brian, badly

and each mate went up to brian, and said brian we just teased you

brian said i am not a freak, i don’t appreciate being called a freak briand said

and his mates said, how does it feel being called something you hate, brian

brian said, when i was young i was trying to be a little cool kid, to all my matea

so stop calling me a freak, looking like me, to scare me, ya cunt

and they said, mate, we hate you brian, cause you used to shit ya pants

even though kids are inexperienced and i don’t shit my dacks as an adult

so leave me alone, i am a queer person, but the fungus on feet, isn’t that bad

it’s only the young dudes, who don’t want to catch diseases, they should get a life

that is what kids said in my generation

my feet are alright, ok, i don’t think it’s bad fungi

but i really can’t sit down for long enough to bathe my feet

what with my tapestries, and writing, and my mind races

i would want athena to rid it from up there

you see athena has fixed my mouth, so i don’t need to see a dentist

so brian, save the last dance for me, yeah, i am your best dream

julia clarke, i never liked ya at school, because you were with the nerds

i need athena, to rid my fungi and make me feel great by room to move

i still don’t think i am old enough for feet bathing athena

how would ya feel if you had ya old fogie squirted like ya dad


hi dudes

today i am suffering from a pain in my ankle, i have no idea

how it cam about but it’s there, i go to bed and ask athena

to spray methane over it, and she does, and i feel great

i don’t know how it started but when i was doing the barbecue

last saturday, it suddenly started to ache, mind you i was feeling

a minor ache a few days before, i couldn’t stand up, mind you

i was trying to stand, but i just had to sit down, it made me feel like

such a bludger, but every night i am going to ask athena to spray methane on it

and i will drink orange soda, you see there is a poem my mother read to me

called acka backer soda cracker acka backer boo acka backer soda cracker

i love you, and i imagined the babies eyes lighting up, i foot is getting better

but it still feels a bit sore, but i still sleep well as athena is working on the

pouring of the methane on it, i got my new glasses yesterday and i look a bit like elvis costello

but hopefully my foot will get better with all the methane i am getting poured on it

you see athena isn’t perfect, you must be able to remain low stressed, and nobody

is perfect or nobody is a robot and can’t fix up as quick as a fiddle stick, but mind you

people try and not be sick, just because i have a sore fought it doesn’t mean i am negative

i watch shows where people on life insurance with their poxley smiles to say when

they die everything is going to come up roses but my leg is still hurting a bit, and athena

is the best worker for me because she is cheap, but that doesn’t mean she ain’t true

the great gas methane can work wonders for your feet,i am trying to do my tapestry

and my foot is finding it hard to be a table on top of my leg.

you see i remember my mum and late father said my poems weren’t family friendly enough for

the internet, but when i went to outer space i saw athena and then sang a few songs at neptune

the first song was do the shitzophrenic
You see I am sitting at the mall
I am having dillusions of people teasing me, and I wish this will all stop, oh please, just leave me the f..k alone
And then I hear voices that aren't really being said o hear Jon killed my best friend named Fred, the thing is I have no best friend, oh year
1 2 3 4 do the schitzophrenic
From the first diagnosis till the day you reach 45, you see if i take medication it can be controlled yeah oh yeah
I am schitzophrenic
Then I went to see my psychiatrist and he told me, to try and get a life, I told him I was blackbeard and John F Kennedy, he just threw a smart ass comment my way, I thought that comment was rude and vulgar, yes it is hard to be liked when you do
1 2 3 4 do the schitzophrenic
Yes it's easy to do, just let me hang out
You see with my medication it can be controlled, ooooh
I am schitzophrenic
You see I get paranoid when I see people around and right wing governments want us locked up
It mighty hard to have this illness and I cab say this
1 2 3 4 do the schitzophrenic
Do it once and you get all hooked and after that you feel like a geek, cause your a schitzophrenic, and also with medication it can be controlled
Oooooh I'm a schitzophrenic
Yes, that's true

and when i finished that song was finished i went to the bar to drink 45 gallons of methane to hopefully make me walk a

a bit better as opposed to looking like an old man on his last legs, i know when my legs give way

and that is when my brain stops, surely i might have my legs amputated, but if i ask athena

to give the right dose of methane and if i rest my leg when i awake, but i must walk occasionally to

make sure it gets better and i say if you have sore feet, roll your feet over a tennis ball to make

athena’s magic will work, you see the god of thunder will get the methane and roll on you

just like thunder does

Lady Francis Jan 2014

So big this tiny hole opens up

And the sound blasts out so abrupt

The stench suffocates the breathing

Water comes to eyes everywhere
as anal methane fills the air

No one wants to be blamed for
the toxic air un-freshener

Everyone assumes its the bum
and moves away from her

I try to keep a straight face until
I get off the train

Then locate a rest room
and check for stains

Sara L Russell Oct 2013

(a satirical pop at the Illuminati)

It's time to slay fatted consumer cows
It's time to fumigate the Great Unwashed;
To sow mutation's seeds behind the ploughs
To see the dullard's dreams forever quashed.

How movingly they pray not to be harmed!
How doggedly they work to make a wage!
How prettily they line up to be farmed,
Yet, how they long to be at centre stage!

The Useless Eaters eat their pizzas deep,
Their double fries and creamy mayonnaise;
Produce only some methane while asleep,
And fodder for landfill, throughout their days.

It's time for the superiors to win;
Unleash the virus, let the cull begin.

Salmabanu Hatim Dec 2017

Millions of fat cows,
grazing on lush green grass;farts,
That's global warming.

We underestimate how when the bovine belches release methane into the atmosphere that contribute to global warming.

the update on my teeth worked on by athena

you see, i take paracetamol, and brush my teeth

and i am sure the coke helps it as well, and athena \

sprays a big dose of methane, i do this, to avoid

going to the dentist, and with the paracetamol and fluoride

and the gas in the coca cola, with the dose of methane

it really leaves my mouth very clean, and cavity free

you see i recommend  athena to everyone who is poor

fillings ain’t really good for you, no, what fillings do

is put too much chemicals in your mouth, and

your mouth feels cleaner from what i do anyway

you see the paracetamol really relieves any ache or pain

and the gas from the methane and coke, can get into the mouth

and then the fluoride as you brush, can also clean and clean your teeth

and athena’s way might sound unrealistic, but, dudes, it works

and it’s more relaxing, and i can’t feel pain no more

doctors and dentists on earth will disagree with this

but why is it working, in my body

so, who needs earth dentists when your got athena from above

Kelley A Vinal Aug 2015

Romantic, isn't it?
The giant, blue, ice-cold
Air flurries, quickly
Hydrogen and helium
Methane ice - like an oddly-
flavored slushie, likely unpalatable
But surely nice to see
So far from Helios' reach
A blizzard of cerulean rushes across
A mass so great
It would require Herculean strength
To move her but an inch
Mathematically predicted
And there she was
A beautiful, azure conclusion
To our solar system

nivek Oct 2014

Jet Fuel
Rocket Gas

ya see i oarty all over neptune yeah, with methane yeah methane yeah methane yeip

i party all over methane yeah with all the fans of the new england patriots

ya see, everyone in the USA, SAID TO ME, party with me, you do tapestry

and then slim dusty sent

i have tipped methane all over brian i tipped methane all over brian

you see i tipped methane all over brian

and got him blind he could hardly stand

my dad picked brian allan up, and said, i will tip this methane all over ya

but you should be fine with that brian, cause it improves the quality of ya life

and bon scott and micheal jackson said to brian said to brian

you know your bad, your bad, your really really bad

your butt is mine, and if ya can’t get me right

i am way cooler than my body’s celliuite

you see brian is fat, but he is cool, as well

and then i say, party on, i drink my coke, and i say to dad

listen mate i gave you jimmy barnes as your new grandfather, what is wrong with that

dad said, i wanted to be a boy, and then robin wiklliams said shit up nanu nanu

then my nanna said, don’t call my earth body nan boy, he hates it

and i want to sing a song for you

amazing grace, how sweet the sound, leave your family alone brian

you were once my darling, but now your not,

your are blind if you can’t see that

and then started singing fly burgers saying your still not a kid brian

which made brian HAPPY, no matter how nanna sang it

at the footy the flies are cooking on the stove

brian the bbq man is falling in the can

you see we get a well cooked blowie, and put it on a plate

get the fly and say to brian, hows it going mare

in a restaurant a fly comes in and bites  hole out of brian

brian was taken in too much by the alien flies

he drank a whole lot of neptune turpentine

and then you get two buttered buns and lettuce and tomato

with my kid, john robert rimel, yeah i took him out for gelato
then nanna sang

in the summer friends drop round to enjoy the atmosphere

some drank wine, got too pissed, some drank coke, for athena;s help

and others just drank beer

the bbq man noticed a fly on his back

this is what he is waiting for tah here is our mate JACK

In a hospital, it’s very busy since fly burgers were on the menu

people trying to inject the flies right out of your system

nanna said, your stupid brian, you can’t die from eating flies

i put the teasing in the young dudes, brian, to make you fucken grow up

this is what i do on earth, since i was john robbery rimel nan said

then nanna threw methane all over brian

and said, i am taking thev darling crap right out of you

brian said fine, you are not my nanny nan

you are john robert rimel now, a cover singer

and then paul berenyi said, you wanna be an artist

and said mmmmmmm, and shoved 234 kegs of methane all over brian, to rid this silly yeah matev yeah kid

and  then paul berenyi chuckled 345 methane smoothies all over dad

and brian shoved 234 methane more kegs on dad, to make dad understand

that his new life, betty campbell isn’t immortal

ya see the hardest years the darkest years the desperate and decided years

these were not forgotten years

the roaring years the falling years, these should not be forgotten years

then my brother came to sing with my nan on jupiter and me and dad went to watch it

Rock, folk rock sponsored links

A long long time ago
I can still remember how
That music used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while
But February made me shiver
With every paper I'd deliver
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn't take one more step
I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died

Bye, bye Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey in Rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die

Did you write the book of love
And do you have faith in God above
If the Bible tells you so?
Now do you believe in rock and roll?
Can music save your mortal soul?
And can you teach me how to dance real slow?

Well, I know that you're in love with him
Cause I saw you dancin' in the gym
You both kicked off your shoes
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues
I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the music died
I started singin'


Now, for ten years we've been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rolling stone
But, that's not how it used to be
When the jester sang for the king and queen
In a coat he borrowed from James Dean
And a voice that came from you and me
Oh and while the king was looking down
The jester stole his thorny crown
The courtroom was adjourned
No verdict was returned
And while Lenin read a book on Marx
The quartet practiced in the park
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day the music died
We were singin'


Helter skelter in a summer swelter
The birds flew off with a fallout shelter
Eight miles high and falling fast
It landed foul on the grass
The players tried for a forward pass
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast
Now the half-time air was sweet perfume
While sergeants played a marching tune
We all got up to dance
Oh, but we never got the chance
Cause the players tried to take the field
The marching band refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the music died?
We started singin'


Oh, and there we were all in one place
A generation lost in space
With no time left to start again
So come on Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack Flash sat on a candlestick
Cause fire is the devil's only friend
And as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
No angel born in Hell
Could break that Satan's spell
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite
I saw Satan laughing with delight
The day the music died
He was singin'


I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to the sacred store
Where I'd heard the music years before
But the man there said the music wouldn't play
And in the streets the children screamed
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The church bells all were broken
And the three men I admire most-
the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost-
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died
And they were singing

[Chorus: x2]

and my brother took me over to the new place in neptune

where he introduced me to all his drunken mates, and

i drank too many methane smoothies, and i sang

i would love to chuck methane on brian

yeah we are having fun teasing him

methane improves the quality of each others lives

as we chuck methane all over, tome dick or jim

you see this is the way to PARTY

leave brian with egg all over his face

actually the egg is flaming methane

and my brother said, yeah, you look so high on life up here

and brian said, fine with me, brother boy

brian said, the only gentle i am, is, i don’t believe in violence

and violence doesn’t like me

every time i see a fight, i say LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE

then carla watt am said to me

my next earth body is hannah montana, ya see

i got rid of my nice voice, ms chase said i had

i said,. all kids do that, carla

that is why i believe in reincarnation

and i wanna meet miley cyrus, but i have to be famous first

and then paul berenyi said, at poetry slams you are doing well

you don’t have to worry about not talking

but don’t do what you used to do, buddy

always look like ya ready to talk

tonight we are trying to get this jittering for the families out of ya

then i went to my brother and said

i am high on methane

my brother said ok, let’s muck around hey, brian

and party right through the solar system

and then dad said, i don’t think your mates care

that is why, i stopped treating you like a young dude

but they fight, and your no bully brian

slim dusty ivy gimbert and peter sargent  said

i am a baked potato baked potato, baked potato

a baked potato, yeah

you see i am a baked potato a baked potato

a baked potato, ivy, went up to brian and said

that she is a kid now, so is peter and slim

all part of bratayley


a big fight up in saturn causes cyclone activity in queensland and northern territory

you see ronnie biggs and ted bunny were having a quiet methane smoothie, in saturn

club rings, when they suddenly broke out in a fight, and this wasn’t just any fight, no, it caused

big cyclone activity in quuensland and northern territory and gold coast where my brother lives

has a bif of rough seas, and my dad is making sure that the cyclone doesn’t affect gold coast

and my brothers family, but ronnie biggs and ted bundy had no compassion, and really started

fighting with methane, which is causing the rough seas, and dad, is trying to keep the cyclone away

but, it looks like ted bunny and ronnie biggs are going to get their way, as they, poured methane all over

the saturn club rings, you see, what us cosmic sleepers must do, is alert australians living in these areas

to listen to authorities, and go to a safe place, for barry allan’s ploy to save this world, hopefully there won’t

be any casualties, and hopefully my brothers family will be safe, hopefully dad can save the gold coast

and keep his old family safe, it’ll be a hard job, you see ted bundy and ronnie biggs are still fighting, saying

let’s destroy the earth, let’s destroy australia first, let’s use methane to ruin the whole entire earth, you see

me as cronus is getting dad to help me keep the methane from forcing the cyclones to really kill people, and hopefully

nothing will be lost, but it will be bloody hard, because ted bunny and ronnie biggs are really bloody well pissed off

with everyone, as well as cronus, and knows how crocus’s current earth body is when storms come to cities his

brother or family lives in, decided to hopefully wreck cronus’s life, and his dad barry allan, is making sure he helps

cronus keep his younger son safe from this really fierce cyclone, i know i am going on and on saying the same thing

over and over, but this is a way, to bring all cyclone activity not to take too much control on queensland and northern territory

you see, ted bundy likes the idea of using methane to destroy the earth, to get crocus’s earth body, to SHUT UP, cause

you should listen to your voices when they said methane is a gas, and you can’t drink it, but you can fight it, and the methane

stopped dad from being a boy, but he says girls and boys are equal, and barry allan is fighting ted bundy and ronnie biggs

from having this cyclone get close to my brothers family, but ted bundy liked the idea of hurting the gold coast, and cause

problems for my brother, and barry allan and cronus are protecting the gold coast from a very fierce cyclone activity

and cronus and buddha YELLED OUT

UMMMMMMMMMM  STOP ted bundy and ronnie biggs from taking too much affect in cyclones in qld and northern territory

immmmmmmmmmm keep our family safe from this methane cyclone caused by ted bundy and ronnie biggs

ummmmmmmmmmm stop people swimming in dangerous waters, they will be doing what ted and ronnie want

you see, ronnie biggs and ted bundy are fighting each other, and dad and cronus who is me, are guarding anyone who is on the earth

making people too scared to not go in the water, ted bundy is enjoying people going in the water and so is ronnie biggs

because it makes what they are doing so very much right, and i tell ya i tell ya i tell ya, my father, is helping my previous life cronus



save it from the dreaded ronnie biggs and ted bundy, RIGHT NOW

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