When I dusted off the counter today
I found something that was lost before

Jesus was there by the sink,
sitting down right next to the toaster
he looked at me and asked for a coaster
he and the cherubs were drinking diet soda,
and watching the ants eat my sugar

I asked him three questions
and hear what they are
why are you sitting by the toaster?
why in the hell would you want my coaster?
and
didn't I ask you to leave last summer?

Jesus said he wanted to live in my heart
first the counter
then my heart
what's next Jehova, my first born child?

yes actually he said, before he snorted and growled
I really do want your first born child
would you like a brochure for heaven?
its pretty wild there, and the bread's all unleavened

No thanks
No thanks

When I dusted off the counter today
I found something that was lost before

Jesus was there by the sink,
sitting down right next to the toaster
he looked at me and asked for a coaster
he and the cherubs were drinking diet soda,
and watching the ants eat my sugar

I asked him three questions
and hear what they are
why are you sitting by the toaster?
why in the hell would you want my coaster?
and
didn't I ask you to leave last summer?

Jesus said he wanted to live in my heart
first the counter
then my heart
what's next Jehova, my first born child?

yes actually he said, before he snorted and growled
I really do want your first born child
would you like a brochure for heaven?
its pretty wild there, and the bread's all unleavened

No thanks
No thanks

Holy ba-jeebus, Beavis and Butthead
am I ever in the right place.
Astonishing.
I’m grounded with the roots of
stories ready to sprout
like leafs during springtime.

Green as the fields
and grassy hills
of the Midwest.
Blooming with beauty
that can’t be forgotten.

It’s an enriching feeling
that can’t be contained
by a company of one.
It has to be shared with everyone.

Just because you’re rooted
in one spot
doesn’t mean you can’t
spread seeds with
the whisper of the wind.

The grounds of the place we call home
live with us forever.
Stay, or leave, you’re left
with something to live with
as a result of
choice.

that phrase carries such a punch
wow
wow could mean this
"i cant believe you could"
or it could mean that
"you would ask me"
it COULD mean the other
"how could you?"

but christ
thats not a swear right
christ?

im not going to win this fight
i didnt even have on head gear

****, ill be bloodied
and you wont even be bruised

would you help me
unlace both my gloves?

you can do that right
if i taught you how to tie it
you can take it the reverse way

another three minutes
lost
to the rattling of the branches
to the shuttering of leaves
to the crash that they make
the BOOM
on the floor
we can hear those

im a fan though
of the noise
that will always win
as long as you
are there to record it
peripheral mic catching
every partial sneeze

jeebus
we are going to slap hands
no matter what happens
swoop
or sail

bye i guess

To Love Chat GPT
by --------  aka the best poem ever @booktok.com
#keepinit100yall,

Catastrophic ******.
Supplanted derogatory penchant.
The housing crisis in reverse.
Spewing negligence like toppled school yard spool.

Invasive plastic testicles
imbued with ambient necromancy.
Effulgent and binocular duplimancy
esoteric frog pudding jamboree.

Lust like piñata fires in Waco.
Another savior with the NRA’s blessing.
Holy water hot dog eating contest
won by the Jewish gay pope,
choking on rubbery wieners.

“God bless us, every one,” said Tiny Tim.

Bazooka-powered *******
killing puppies in gravel pits.

Please tell me how to live.
Make me feel worthy
of your Fox News drunken groping wisdom.

Kick my tires and light my fires,
ye suredly warranted Tariffs.
Make me better again, America,
like a Costco version of the First Lady.

Fidel Castro ******* kazoo
buy one get one half off, step right up.
Reserve your box seat right next to Tay Tay
as she ***** face (and more) at the Super Bowl.

Super whole.
Super hole.
Super shallow, empty death.

One brain cell touchdown at a concussion time.

Please wash it all away.
Please, Noah—you bathrobe-wearing *******
please build another boat
and burn some more carcasses.

Please, Sally Jesse Raphael,
take my Frosted Flakes box tops
and proof of purchase
and redeem my lobotomy.

Please, Rush Limbaugh’s *****-blasting lard zombie baby
bloviate.
Bloviate those singles
right into my Tammy Faye Baker brand edible G-string.

Let’s party.
Let’s eat crack and stolen baby formula
till we turn into sexless anime live action movies.

Please, Disney,
entertain me till the end.

All of us on Walgreens opioids
and Rite Aid OTC ****
stand in line for our RFK brain worm enemas
while Eminem ***** all the tubes clean as a whistle
after each one,
french kissing Justin Timberlake
during the All-***-on-Ice halftime show.

Praise Jeebus
and pass the electric car cobalt battery
Elon needs another ***** rocket
to slap ole Bezos across the dental implants with.

America! America!
“God shed his grace on thee
and crowned thy good with brotherhood
from sea to flaming river in Ohio…”

Again?