There once was a boy with summer sky colored eyes.
His mouth was made of wild raspberries.
His laugh of falling leaves.
He fell in love with a girl with trees in her eyes.

There was once was a girl with trees in her eyes.
Her mouth was made of rosebuds.
Her laugh of rushing waterfall.
She fell in love with a boy with summer sky colored eyes.

His hands were made of water.
When he touched her,
Her strawberry heart grew.
And grew.
And grew.
And grew.
She bathed in his summer eyes.
She tasted his wild raspberries
And always wanted more.
She danced in his falling leaves.

She lived to see the sunshine sparkle in those summer eyes.
To feel his water hands
Ingulf her in his sea.

But then the summer sky eyes filled with icy snow.
Her strawberry heart gave a sorrowful squeeze.

He told her he had to leave.

But he told her he would be back.
He kissed her rosebud mouth one last time.

And flew away.

The trees died.
The rosebuds stopped blooming.
The waterfall stopped rushing.
The strawberry heart grew still and quiet.

She looked.
And looked.
And looked.
And looked
For those summer sky eyes.

She saw
The deep blue of oceans,
The emptiness of a cloud covered night sky,
And honey filled hives.
Even green colored lemon trees.
But never the color of summer sky.

She thought they were gone forever.

But he was her forever.

He flew back to her.

She saw the summer eyes again,
When she thought she had stopped looking.
Her trees shook with raindrops.
His water hands engulfed her.
She felt the pulsing of his waves.
He said "I told you I would come back to you."

And she floated in his summer sky eyes forever.

Rewind
high heels and disheveled clothing
smudged lipstick and missing belt loops
with splintered backs & frigid
fingertips
stumbling back into civilization
& back into being perfect strangers.
I can't even see you
through the oasis of crimson cups
& bitter smoke
my perception of you is askew
with your crooked smile and premeditated demeanor.
Am I delusional?
I think something happened but maybe
if I pour more amnesia
down my throat
by morning it'll seem like some awkward
dream.

Rewind
ouch
I wish I hadn't have seen that.

Rewind
we can hear your mother
in the other room but that doesn't slow
the race to peel out of our clothes
& hide under sheets and melodies
in the darkness
during the long stretches of deafening silence
I wonder what this means to you
I wonder what it means to me
I can taste the casualty on your lips.

Rewind. Pause. Slow Motion.
body/mind/melting together/chaos
instant regret
my throat tightens
allowing nothing but the minimal
amount of oxygen to keep my blood
stuttering through my veins
an earthquake pulls through my bones
& rips through my chest
nightmare
i close my eyes and try to wake myself up
breathe
you set me down on the empty
side of your bed
no questions asked
maybe getting ****** will make it easier to pretend
like this didn't happen
it didn't.

Rewind, play
it's new years eve
the moment I could feel the intoxication
roll through my body like a tsunami
a rogue wave slammed through the door
washing you up in this teenage wasteland
we float along avoiding eye contact
Almost as if there was an impromptu contest of who could be the least interested
I'm not very competitive
as the clock twists to the first few seconds of a new year
I press my lips against your mouth
searching for something, anything.

Pause
****.
I can't feel him or my toes
I need to get out of my head.

Play
the hours are moving too quickly
motion sickness
by the time I saw you again
my body was like a popped balloon
no one wants to play with the carnage
& neither did you.

Rewind
***** and whiskey are not my friends
my hair creates homes for small birds
as the black of my eyes smear
across my cheeks
if I had been able to move
without collapsing in on myself
or if the cold sweat didn't threaten to ingulf my pulse
maybe I wouldn't have clung onto your body
with such disdain but the smell of your skin
made the pounding in my head bearable.

Rewind
we're high
not the state of mind but relative to our position
our feet dangling toward
the distant rock and stream scattered ground
my skirt wasn't made for adventures
but claiming chivalry isn't dead
you kept your eyes fixed on mine
you told me if I got scared we didn't have to go all the way
but you've met at a very strange time in my life
I couldn't have turned back
even if I wanted to.

Rewind
it's two o'clock in the morning
the movie had turned to a silent film
as the wind had knocked the electricity from its circuits
I didn't want to go home
we were acquaintances
strung together by a shared friend
with flowers in her eyes
we ran through the moon lit streets
up a fire escape to dance
on the rooftops
we laid on our backs with your arms draped around us
trying to create a shelter from the chill of a coming storm
this was the first time you ever touched me.

Rewind
we're back at the beginning now
strangers, nothing more
I've been staring blankly at the back of your head
for almost two years now
the days blur together as we attempt to absorb something
resembling the French language from this miserable, decrepit
woman's so-called teachings
there is a phrase that has burrowed its way into my mind
"je ne regrette rien"
I don't regret anything

Fast forward*
things are starting to look like the beginning again
the fangs of futile complications
sink into my neck releasing venom
into my bloodstream which leaks into my brain
distorting my vision
everything around you is morphing
to become monotonous and colorless
my perception of you is wavering
& the phrase that has taken refuge between my temples
illuminates to fully reveal itself
"nous sommes des étrangers avec des souveirs et je ne regrette rein."
we are strangers with memories and I don't regret anything.

What is a Nervous Condition?
A condition that will ingulf your life and control your every single thought. Making you feel usless and self-consious...
My nervous condition is constantly feeling inferior and that I'm worthless and a **** up...
I jus' want to be normal. Buu' these voice refuse to let me be...

November 26, 2014
I got out of bed that morning
Drank my daily cup of coffee
Went out with the boy I was seeing at the time
I'm surprised I even got out of bed that day
104 pounds to weak to walk around
We went to the park after three cups of Waffle House coffee
I was shaking more than an earth quake shakes the trees
Ring Ring
It's my father calling
"Sarah I need you to come home right now"
Me thinking oh illl just wait another 15 minutes it's no big deal
"Yes sir, be there soon"
I press my shaking hands against the door **** and open it
I could actually FEEL it in the room
I could feel the heart break smothering my entire body
I could feel the damp tears making the room humid and unbearable
"Your mother has killed herself, Sarah."
You expect
A weeping Howl
A fall hard to the ground breaking bones and your heart
A gasp for your breath but only to ingulf water and drown
A a painful scream that pierces the ears of you neighbors
But no I just stood there
Unable to move
Unable to feel
That's the day I knew I was broken for good. Some expensive China plate busted into 27 different pieces and you lost number 9
November 26, 2014 I broke

Dismantled, distressed, distractions by thoughts.
When I am alone, the thoughts creep up.
Is it real? Or are they my feelings?
I want to bury myself, hide forever.
Hopeless, maybe I should walk on heated burning stones, to feel something.
Noises around me...
It's so quiet.
Back inside, my cocoon, it's safe.
No one can find me, hurt me.
Forced to interact with people, even when I don't want to.
I have to go to work, and talk to these lifeless sheep like they mean something, detached in my interactions.
LEFT ALONE.
I love it.
Stones on the floor, I stare deep into the ground, cover myself in mud, burn me alive.
I ingulf in the flames.
The final isolation.
Solitude is complete.
I want to be alone forever.
Dancing in despair that I seem to rid myself harder into like hitting myself into a wall.
I wish people did not exist.
I wish I was alone forever, really.
I am intertwined in my web, meticulously designed and intrigued into one.
I want to stay, hibernate forever in my coven.

No one around, no one in my business, no-one in my space.
I want alone.
Leave.
I DONT LIKE PEOPLE.
Being forced to go to work tomorrow is a drag.
End the nightmare, the bottomless choas and lonesome feelings I endour