Imaginary affection, illusionary connection.
I am lost in the worst of more than one section,
my cloud is separated from my ozon layer
and the longer I wait the farther and stayer.

Explanations are immortal to those who stare,
entranced and smoothly picked from the bunch.
What would your answer be if I asked you out for lunch?
I'd like to know before I ask for real, seems fair?

Comparing to analogous past situations, habits
and negations, what did I do wrong? I read,
people, all around me, examining to grab it's
full potential. Sometimes it hurts, once it led

to girls who fled, feelings of regret, hardship bled by
the dead, spread, on the deficient bed of newly wed
sensations.

In the darkness he felt threatened
the tables turn as he veers away,
ages usher had  nothing on time -
just the haunted side of jade,
the fossils turn of anger
a packed mass of double take
impenetrability stakes the  hills.

magic sweet words
tumult breathless,
teasing over others:
she spins her web,

spins intricately,
nattily: ages of
scalding have done
her in perhaps,

or stabs that refusal
brings, this is how
she is, will be, busy in
her impenetrability

a tightrope walker,
a smooth talker,
faker, giver, taker,
the silk is thick,

her clean heart
thus corrupted
she has trouble
sometimes, I

can see it in her
eyes, the distortion
of not knowing, for
those few dangling

moments, who she is,
face / mask
voice / silence
agreement / refusal

I may have persevered
I may have stayed
if only the years
weren't slipping away,

I wish neither of us
were built this way.

fighting
impenetrability:

whys,
whatfors.

working hard
in a garden's recovery.

weeding.

endlessly.

no use.

somewhere within myself I am/there is a little girl crying,
love me
love me
into the dark.
I keep moving and
don't look back,
don't look down
and try to grow stronger
so my self cannot be pierced
and hurt the little girl I am/inside.
skin colored armor becomes thicker,
until I am the armor itself,
folding in on myself into a package
of impenetrability.
I am full of holes,
full of contradictions, though,
and I cry myself to sleep, crying
love me
love me
into the dark.
it is the quiet kind of crying
that tries not to bother you
don't mind me
it mumbles
don't mind me
the words claw out of
my skin-colored armor
and are too tired to be loud when they emerge

when this happens
I hide under my blankets
so the words are birthed out of my voice into the warmth and the dark, like a child should come into the world. in the dark it is easier for me to pretend everything is okay. it is easier to fall asleep/in love in the dark.
the only times I am not afraid of the dark are when
I am too sad and tired to
be afraid of what might be there.
when I am no longer afraid, it means I finally embrace what waits in the shadows . it means I give up. it means
I surrender to my weakness.
it means I'm tired of being armor, being protector, and want to be protected,
to be
loved.

Through strengthening I've uncovered equal weakness
As foreseen I am unbreakable
But I didn't expect to be alone in my invincibility
I had hoped you would stand beside me upon the raised platform
It was our unison that completed my defenseless impenetrability
So why do I remain alone?

Although their attacks bear no injury nor effect
This heightened state also calls for heightened sensitivities
And their strikes although unsuccessful still leave a stench in the air
That no illuminating gold light can vanquish
No matter how deep a core or heavenly a space it ignites from
Their space is hollowed by their loveless attacks

Their very presence leaves black holes in their passing
Their ripples still managing to wave upon me
Despite failure I still can feel intended actions upon my every existence
Just as physically as if their fantasies were fantasized
Yet still I pick up shovel and fill natures wounds with love of my own
They cannot harm me anymore, yet still I bear injuries of their making.

A sun in zeal
I'm lying on a dustbed
Unaware of the flowers just behind what's sad.
It is a day
When ties would never stop to
Contemplate the sudden impenetrability of May.
A night it is
For birds to settle back in nests of fragile straw,
The nests I wonder being missed.
The moon is here
Yet lights have not gone out,
To light my way to dustbed and the rest.