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Erin Roma May 2020
Believe me I tried to match his enthusiasm. God, I really tried to
Guess I lacked in that department, my apologies beau
This is slowly becoming a big inconvenience, don’t want to
He knows I’m up to something yet he didn’t let that get in the way
Yes, I’d love if we continue this but without ever going forward just stay

I could see he’s genuinely trying, though I appreciate the comfort
This wasn’t my plan, because I have way too many misdemeanors
He can perfectly sense it but what can I say, I am in the motion
Five good mornings are better than one and five questions
Asking me how my day went, will drown out that unnecessary tone

People say I got a thing for authority figures
I just find it beguiling for someone to be MORE
So I’ll just settle for guys older **** I like it when I win them over
I like it when they latch into me like they’re pressured and hopeless
Or they’re rejoicing in my youth, funny how they become careless

Oh yes. Thirties and they’re thirsting. But then again eventually, I’d never bother
They’re good enough to bury that one real deal that I cannot grasp,
It’s good for nobody, a mess no one was ready for, a sad canvas
Now, gotta try to manipulate my narrative. They chase me, I want that
This is the calm. The fun. What the real deal fails to have and ***** me over, somewhat?

That is why only his, will never fill me completely
Let’s make this several so that I’ll not be lonely
I wish I could let you off the hook immediately
But not when I’m still getting away from that one real deal
Pitstops after pitstops, until I made my mind. Shall we?
Erin Roma May 2019
She paused. Again. Hoping to gain another strength before she forces all these wastes out of her. One last sigh before she sticks her ******* into her throat and let her body pay for all the gluttonous thrills she can’t help with. For having that omnipresent urge win over her and throw her into a feast. That is the absolute worst. Because that’s when waves of regrets come flushing to her. She feels so panicky like the world’s falling apart. And now her eyes is watering with tears, her throat is sore with all the strain it has gone through, her abdominal muscles aching as it repeatedly contracts. She is stuck in this endless cycle of being deprived and depressed, drowning herself in sinful indulgence, feeling a tremendous loss of control, filling her self with unforgiving remorse and finally hurling those horrible monsters she just opened her doors for. But it’s the only key to make her hate herself less when she looks in the mirror. It’s the only convenient solution to experience the stuff she has been dying to taste without harming her goals. Everybody talks about positivity and loving yourself but she lacks the ability to stress how hard it is. She’s at the point in her life where she can not be okay with how her thighs look like wearing jeans, how it’s just as big as her father’s who is taller and more muscular than her, how she gives the best smile she thought she projected in photos and looking more like her whole face is swelling. How she goes crazy terrified of some numbers that increased. She did not know what they said bore far more greater value until those moments. It waved flags right into her face and snapped her into the reality of how hideous she has become.  And now she met metamorphosis. Those comparisons that drive her to run fifteen extra minutes to her half-hour routine, that made her enjoy exhausting herself knowing that she will burn more especially with a bit of calories to arm herself. Quite often, she wakes up in the middle of the night, belly’s screaming with gnawing sensations and she can’t deny she is very glad of it because she knows when she steps on it tomorrow morning, more will be lost. It signifies hope is coming and let me tell you, it FUELS her. She has learned that the only way is to make those numbers go down. Those numbers that define her. Those numbers that equal her self-worth. Those goal numbers that she believes when she finally reach, will be the only thing that could give her the ecstasy that she desires. Because with every intake, she felt emptier and with an empty stomach, she sensed fulfilment. Alternating between these two universes she ultimately craves, where in one, she takes absolute joy without ever feeling guilty in finishing her medium rare steak to the bone and the other where she wears herself out hoping to be closer in shedding the unnecessary, excess part of her to the bone.
Erin Roma Nov 2018
really? a bit of a stumble? no.
to speak of that she’s missing,
now that’s an accurate blow
yet an understatement begging

could you do better than that, mate?
listen, it’s a deep audible breathing
the inadequacies painfully adequate
visions maimed, blindly wandering

a kind of pretty something she sought
called for distraction from degrading thoughts
what once was a careful fancy plan
in a swift stroke, now it’s coming undone

her walls echoed the how’s and why’s
pouring the frustration in that thing she sought
yet it proved to be a more frustrating cry
sweet candies and spoiled foods all for naught

in those small pulses of validation she felt
longer vibrations of self-pity linger
praying ****** hopes of forgetting as she knelt
someday the kind she needs may He bring her

what she aims starts to decay
blisters and battles where her loyalty lay
drills and ceremonies and flying planes
remains untouched, but still aspired everyday
courting the ambition  like a lover
now get  me out of here
Erin Roma Aug 2017
I never would have thought your whole existence could carry much significance in my life. There you were, standing, introducing yourself in fifth grade while I sat interested looking at you.
2. Have i ever told you that you are a great big ******* sunshine. Your good-mornings remind me a bright day ahead and boy you even make late night-talking so LIT my eyes are glowing yeah (from the brightness of the screen apparently)
3. You're a Virgo. I'm a Gemini. They've always told that earth signs do not always get along really well, with us, signs of the air element. And here we are proving them wrong. We're so much opposites yet we're more like magnets.
4. You wholeheartedly accepted my rainbows, supported me in every way and made my mess seem less of a storm.
5. Imagine lying down on flower fields at 6am. Listen to ****** hiphop songs. Think of the word wonderful. Watch a movie abundant of corny punchlines. That's being with you is like.
6. Together, we become investigators, actions analysts and psychological advisers when it comes to the people we like. Offering impressions and psychic predictions just so we could be sure we're hitting the right track.
7. You're the apple to my pie, you're the straw to my berry. You're the dirt in my eye. You're the Tom to my Jerry.
8. Fall down seven times. Stand up EIGHT. No matter how petty or serious our fights are, we're gonna mend it my best mate.
9. I am your biggest fan. Just like that.
10. Lastly, I know you're never into poetry and **** yet I made you one just like how I can't comprehend how you create art pieces so beautifully or just draw a single line so spectacularly. I'm always in awe. You give me glee.
to my handsomest bestfriend, happy birthdaaaay
  Jun 2017 Erin Roma
The rain starts to fall,
On this hot yet humid day.
Like tears of pure joy.
Live and dance on rainy days,
Happiest birthday to you.
Happy birthday Erin. Hope you like this poem.
Erin Roma May 2017
I tried to pluck some strings
Listened as hard as I could
Stared  at the song written before me
Yet the lyrics don't mean a thing as I stood

Cowering behind these bars I built
These melodies I've worked so hard to fake
So that I, myself, can lose in it, believe in it
A vibrato my soul needs to make

I grieve for the lost times, for a wrong pitch
Into many delusions, I sink, I sink, I sink
It's hard to make something out from pieces
We sang all of the chaos it made in chorus

"Seem" fuels a very powerful belief
It's real, spoken in hushed tones
Yet when I try to form some harmony out of it
It's very evident, the tunes don't exist at all

Time ticks and it still keeps me guessing
Even the world couldn't comprehend a thing
And so all the notes died unprivileged from the truth
We'll never learn what's real. Will we?
Erin Roma Mar 2017
We both like red
He's captured by its vibrance
While she dwells on its gloom
Truth is I love maroon

We both look good in it
Yet your sight belongs to another
He let a wide smile and she does too
While I stare in peace, holding myself together
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