Albany Rosaline Smith.
On Mondays Albany went down to the store to get milk.
Her mother always gave her twenty five cents.
Twenty for the milk,
And five for some candy.
All the boys she passed along the way would tell her how she was
Genuinly beautiful.
And she knew it.
Albany was gorgeous.
On her sixteenth birthday she let Bobby Fisher
**** her under the oak tree
Out back in the feild behind the pond.
"You're something special there, Albany,"
He told her.
She knew it was true,
But it was a nice gesture,
So she let him **** her from behind this time.
Albany became Misses Fisher two years later,
Three weeks after graduation.
It was just the thing to do back then.
They had four kids,
And she was a good mom.
Mathilda, Lizabeth, Marcus, and Temprance.
Three of which were Bobby's.
One of which was the town physician's.
Bobby never knew.
He was a mill worker.
He was not very bright.
But Albany was.
Bright and Beautiful.
She died at the age of forty-two.
She was ***** an killed by the doctor.
He was also the mortician,
So no one questioned it.
It was a small town

My life
i feel like a seventy year old in a 15 year old's body
i feel so old
and i know all these life quotes n crap...
thats all i think about
...anymore
i used to laugh genuinly
when i was innocent
and i used to just lay on my Mothers chest and hug her and love her so passionately
although i wasnt perfect
i still smiled
i thought about ****...and fun ****
like i was lit
that was the life
wake up
brush your teeth with this singing tooth brush
go eat spiderman pancakes
then play with your dolly
and do that all day
wow life huh
....but what was this poem even about
...like
got so lost in the good old days

Yes I know
how damaged I am inside,
How evasive my heart may be
I know about
those three words
how I believed
And the last time
the last person who used them
I know I believed
I Bought into the promise they bring
I thought Unconditional,
Foolishly open,
Three little words
the dreams they can bring
I know how they ruined me
these little words
that can mean too much
to someone such as myself
see I want and I need,
True love,
timeless and transparent
genuinly honest and unconditional
the world I see around me now
doesn't hold these things
I am old fashioned as
with old fashioned beliefs,
tired and worn out
Nothing is forever any more
everything, even love is thrown away
I can't change
so until four heartbeats,
one moment between,
the three words I spoke aloud
stunning myself as I stared at you
staring at me in silent disbelief
but i won't retract,
I will not joke or demean
I will not make excuses
or down play this
because I do
I honestly Love You.

The toils of my hands,
The marks of my work,
I’m meant to find pleasure in these

Solomon’s words,
Gentle and stern,
Have genuinly provoked me

My Moms a little *****....
all she does...
i mean stop
im not even in the mood for writing
like back the **** up off me ya little *****
go get some ******* friends
all u do is worry about me
on the school website 24 ******* 7
til you "saw" a 2 hour delay this morning
its like your my roomate
like an annoying *** buzing in my ear
i try to wasp you away
but its like your their
i dont feel comftorable even when i am
and im done with the unatural feelings
if its comftorable it is
...and if its not....
it isn....
ya know i dont even know why i stress...
like why...
why i even care
...like my feelings...
are my ******* feelings
....i do what i do....
i am who i am...
and its like?
like ya know....
like im in the shadows
but i have a big *** sparkly unicorn entertaining everyone
that either love it or hate
its like im fake as ****
but genuinly nice
but out of a sorta obligated way
like nice but ya know i dont wanna scare you off nice
or i dont want you to think im aggressive or anything nice
.....
you feel
its weird
my mind
...its like
whewwwwww
life tho.....

If there can be crocodile tears,
There exists crocodile smiles
I see them everywhere
I feel them playing on my lips
Everytime I pose for a picture that I don't want to pose for,
I don't want to smile, cannot smile
Because there is nothing to smile for
But we have to smile for a picture right?
All over the world wide Web I see the plastic smiles adorned over pretty the faces
Only the eyes giving out the truth with a dull sheen,
The dead sadness and the extinct happiness
Reflected by that flash in your camera which is there to light up your face
Those smiles that make the world jealous and mean nothing to themselves
Can you just for once zoom in and look into the stillness of my eyes
See the longing and the emptiness,
Devoid of any form of happiness,
Of anything which can genuinely induce a smile in a normal human being
Those eyes of mine are just waiting and waiting for this one missing part in my life,
That hand I would hold with care,
Those lips which would kiss away my invisible tears
Those eyes which would take me to dreamland with one look
That voice which would tingle my insides into bursting fireworks
That person who would stretch the corners of my mouth as far as the west and east of earth
Without any effort that even I wouldn't realise
When I smile
Genuinly
For the first time in years.

She read somewhere that Hell was not made of fire, but with ice. She believed it, her knuckles bruised and the endless waiting.
Hell was sitting forever behind a computer screen for a connection, chained to her habits,
there was so many things she wished she could change.  she was worried people might see her the way she saw herself.

And she thought it'd be nice if there was a fire.
Something that burns you from the inside and shines brighter than a star.
A flame that attracts other people out of their own darkness.
Bonfire moments. She would go on a small quest and discover
the secret flame, the fire of the Colossus heart, and
bring it to a bonfire and rest.
In this frozen Hell of waiting for one person to say
hello over the internet highway,
and not condemn you, but genuinly
wish you were not just pixels and a video chat, but
something more human.
a dancing flame, a fire princess with firey hips,
she can't be seen through the wire, but you could feel
the heat.
She asked him how he had been, not realizing
his cold reply meant he had not moved on
and sometimes
he still
read their old
messages.

everything carries me to you"
my handwriting
her body
the perfection in simple affection causes a chain reaction
that's taken back, back before I knew the breath that will breathe upon my neck
...even back then my imagination of future foundation between us was seeming to be just a future of imagination and dreams.
no one seemed to make sense in the senseless nonsense we carried on with, yet we did it regardless
life lessons learned of Truth and pain and beauty and hate
the rage in wrong decisions always made opposite of our floating hearts that caused eyes always unable to ever depart from
simple stares that tore through bodies in hallways just to be noticed for brief moments
it was (and must I say about 2 life times ago) did I wondered where all this passion did go- till a slick Indian summer night my eyes caught reflection through liquor stained sidewalk puddles with an incidental interaction rebirthing all attraction of my soul.
my breath, along with all confidence i carried that night (and possibly years past, )vanished and left
at the moment when glances glared there were no longer the fire eyes staring like stars I had expected.
how could one think the same Jean jacket cigarette stink with hints towards a kiss looked more like a jab in my jaw as only absence in silence crawled from my mouth.
that night you carried past me and it
was as haunting as if you walked right through me.
how was I so numb to society I couldnt even feel my soul missing?
my soul missing, reminiscing of backseat young lovers kissing,
now pulling at each seam of anytime line I tried walk back up hoping for forgotten hope.


then instantly and all embarrassingly (but only to me) did I tightwire walk across town
looking for flight as my counting crows count down died down and flamingo dancers with grey guitars became pretty words that had amused but no longer moved because it wasn't the chorus or vocals -it was what was tattooed to my mental that made a muse -I remembered moving too and waiting to swoon but too soon did it come and go
I bet to lose and had to chose and chosing at 17 (so confused) was the worst thing my heart strings detaching would have to do.
but as years past and each pretty picture with a thought of "what if" past by my nightmare life I made of "what ifs", simple secret lines would drift and sometimes whisper
they would whisper and make the air more crisp than sea shore breeze on chapped lips (bring me back to where we would kiss) how could this be
happiness
uncertain for most is unimpressively the most renowned and complimenting place horror hangs hollow in fog shaped mirrors cracked with regrets...
but taped up, scared, scarred and silent so often terrified of my own inside voice -i paddled to Hades by choice- chasing cars from lyrics once with mixed with meaning , purpose, souls teeming and consciously tangled it seemed i began to drown in misery tag teamed with desparity cold and screaming.
the darkness only getting worse
the "if onlys" playing from start and starting over every time I roll over trying to sleep for more than a few minutes but to myself I always keep -I kept- I raged I wept, I broke down and then burnt myself alive to see if i could even for myself, maybe, mourn.
but one morning by some saving grace
a backyard walk to get some space led me back to your face.
so serendipitous at first thought
waiting for reality crash upon me and once again remind me of this life i fight and often lose.
but losing you again wasnt something I could bare to do...
even as I quitely awaited the gates of my misfortune to close I couldn't close my eyes with out you staring back at me. like fire in rain and a baptism cast in colors uncaught by even perfect prisms
this hell of a prison I understood as life decisions didnt have to bind the beauty beyond the cage once affiliated with.
wishing this poison carried a separate antidote for falling deeper for you again
I washed sin from within with whimsical laughs 800 miles away and breathtaking conversations spaces to far away.
all over
all over
all over and for once out of every second chance that could take a stand and stand the chance
I'll chance it all 3000 fold and over flowing to feel this overpowering presence of my hand written fairy tale dark Knight existence.
these grey eyes blue again, these blue eyes looking straight at you again
knowing what place is meant for me to fit in
my fears fidget themselves out of cares because all I can care about is this.
this moment even if not forever will never go treated unnoticed.
unrecognized or pardoned pushed aside or lost in the way side - my high tide, let me sink to the bottom of your soul for a second and fill your lungs with love again floating on top of waves crashing and flying past any hazy grey dismal day that spark you the way you are meant to glow.
where ever you go
everything carries me to you
not just your kiss but the dreams of your lips
not only your words, but the world you've found that forms them
it's more than your perfect imagine I've imagined asleep more than a million times
it's the smile I see when you are genuinly thinking about me
it's more than the giggles and good times awaiting to no surprise but fights and cries that haven't happened but will bring us closer and much stronger than... stronger than, stronger than the destiny that was meant to (so clearly now seen) be for all eternity
grains of sand cannot grasp the ineffable number of any type of anything trying to describe the unfathomable perception of clarity in your beauty and love.
my eyes will never burnout again
my will is for you and cannot give up again
my lips and skin are made only for you
my heart beats solely to match rhythm with your pulse so I know my way home
and my words will always uplift you and shine on you like the stars and sun
so you always feel safe and blanketed even when the light is gone and the day is done
I loved you yesterday
I love you today
And I'll love you forever and always

I swore to myself once that i would never experience heartbreak again
because for me heartbreak is not heartbreak
and i can know i also had normal heartbreak
mine feels like the death of a family member times 10
it grew like that, circumenstances led to that
no im here, you said youd be there
together we were everday
moments we shared without having to say
how we felt or what we thought
cause we felt happy ad full in eachothers arms
no better place to be
i want to close my eyes sink away in you and see
all your beauty
it plays and softly tickles my heart
when i come up there are your soft lift to kiss
they taste delicious, i want more
but the lips are not enough
i rip your clothes of and you mine
without a thought you push it inside
you push it so hard, you dont want it out, as if t has to hide
as deep as possible, i want more i want harder
then slap my ***, skracht my face
im not even able to think anymore at this point
stuck in a haze
in this moment of exactasy to see you contiuninung on ******* me
makes only able to seehe explosion  inside of me
full of lights and tingles and body fluids and dirtyness
what a bless
after that you alway stood up threw me toiletrol
like "fix it yourself"
i mastrubated sometimes eve more, so my soul came loose from its core
shaking inside of my body
i gently cleaned your parts with the same toiletrol
you come sit next to me, and we dont need to say anything, we can but its also okay to just be
i lay my head on your chest and for the first time in my life i fell asleep like that
totally happy and satifies looking out to the next morning where we could eat, talk and laugh with eachother
we  really loved one another
did we ever talk about what our ideal life would be like?
maybe it would be totally different or maybe  unbelievably the same
we could have worked through that life day by day
insteadof getting frustrated and putting blame
we all want to be happy, every person on this earth
havent you hearth, i never knew your ideal life, you never knew mine
you decided to start ghosting
and hosting
other girls, i was just a step in the pass of the walk that is your life
for me you were helping me survive
when i met you, you were so different than anybody ive ever met
i snapped out of depression , i wanted to only have fun with you
and fun we had, in every stupid small room, just the two of us
dancing or letting my head bleed, stiill laughing, together we always would land on our feet
like a cat
and then our story becomes sad
it didnt 'happen', we ccreated it
me and also you
there are things we did not do
and should have
and things we did
that we shouldnt
we alsno never talked about what annoyed us about the other
we never really commincated, god i wish you knew that 5 minutes can make
10 years of difference, maybe even more
its so important
its the core of every relationship
we were attached to the hip
knitting it off hurted, then you ran away laughing and free like i was causing you troble and bad luck
meanwhile you should have been gratefull that i love to **** your ****
also to lick it slowly and then hard
and thats how life goes, moments of peace, moments where everyone is happy and all is good
then something happen, the world shakes harder and harder, do you leave this world, is it the faut of the person your with
or do you stay and face the end, and see the beautiful expolosion
in motion
after that again there is serenity, life  cant alway be a simple walk, its hard
especialy relationships, its why i wish i would have been a better girlfriend
i wish i could have openen up more to love
cause in the realationship i already protect myself for the hurt
which came anyway when you decided to leave
we spoke we said slowly
but you ran, and never showed your face again
what was i supposed to do on four legs stiches in my hip, my best friend and lover gone
i was all alone
firtst thought was dying
but that seemed a bit much
there is nothing i can do than heal, unless you come back than i can show you more happiness than before
1000000000 x more i will be a better girfliend and be there for you
uluc
dont leave me, think about it
i genuinly love you, it is rare in this time to find
we would be blind not to try and give eachother a kiss
and a hug
i should tell more about my  inner world and make less sarcastic jokes
you should communicate more, about what to you is an eye sore
for example ***** plates
and i should clean more, be a bit more mowan for you, i can do that
and you should communcate how you feel, dont break up cause you want to **** someone else
we can always discuss that
only go when you are sure you dont love me anymore
im not sure about that so therefore
i am still here
say the words and im gone
but we could with a little effort make life 100000000 x better
and be actually happ with eachother
i want to come home in te evening lay agains you and smell your heavy smell
i want you to be happy i want to see that uluc smile, i  always did
i always cared wanted , you well
or should i have been a huge *****
would that have kept you longer
i dont care cause to me its stronger
the most strongest actually
its almost my religion
to be yourself always and anytime
**** what others think, if you can be yourself
you can be free
thats all i want to be, free, its who i am its me
excpt from you you can join in and belong
You can come home my tone come sing my song
It must get way more beautiful together than alone
And with practice we can get it  perfectly synchronized
I love you always
I want you in my life
I can forgive and forget
I hope you also can, cause ****, I acted like a crazy *****
But I am not you know this, ask anyone they know this
Almost opposite, I just was so shocked
And I hate loss, I didn't know how to survive without you next to me
When I wake up it is you I want to see or an empty spot you just charged up

my mom
looks at me with disgust because i am not
what she remembers me to be
she is so confused because "she knows me"
but she hasn't asked me my favorite color since I was in kindergarten.
I am giving my everything but really i'm not.
i'm doing all I can but really I'm not.
you told me to stop lying but when I did you were even more angry
i can't keep living half alive
but I want to and its addicting to not do what you are capable of
you were mad at me when i didn't win the award that they give to one student out of five hundred kids for being the nicest
you tried to smile but disappointment contorted your face and our eyes locked in silence
i looked away
i'm trying not to let you manipulate me but i genuinly don't know if you love me or just what I produce
and if thats the case im sorry for producing below average
but i'm so sick of being scared of you
i'm so sick of being so consumed by fear that when you walk down the hall i dread your face

I swore to myself once that i would never experience heartbreak again
because for me heartbreak is not heartbreak
and i can know i also had normal heartbreak
mine feels like the death of a family member times 10
it grew like that, circumenstances led to that
no im here, you said youd be there
together we were everday
moments we shared without having to say
how we felt or what we thought
cause we felt happy ad full in eachothers arms
no better place to be
i want to close my eyes sink away in you and see
all your beauty
it plays and softly tickles my heart
when i come up there are your soft lift to kiss
they taste delicious, i want more
but the lips are not enough
i rip your clothes of and you mine
without a thought you push it inside
you push it so hard, you dont want it out, as if t has to hide
as deep as possible, i want more i want harder
then slap my ***, skracht my face
im not even able to think anymore at this point
stuck in a haze
in this moment of exactasy to see you contiuninung on ******* me
makes only able to seehe explosion  inside of me
full of lights and tingles and body fluids and dirtyness
what a bless
after that you alway stood up threw me toiletrol
like "fix it yourself"
i mastrubated sometimes eve more, so my soul came loose from its core
shaking inside of my body
i gently cleaned your parts with the same toiletrol
you come sit next to me, and we dont need to say anything, we can but its also okay to just be
i lay my head on your chest and for the first time in my life i fell asleep like that
totally happy and satifies looking out to the next morning where we could eat, talk and laugh with eachother
we  really loved one another
did we ever talk about what our ideal life would be like?
maybe it would be totally different or maybe  unbelievably the same
we could have worked through that life day by day
insteadof getting frustrated and putting blame
we all want to be happy, every person on this earth
havent you hearth, i never knew your ideal life, you never knew mine
you decided to start ghosting
and hosting
other girls, i was just a step in the pass of the walk that is your life
for me you were helping me survive
when i met you, you were so different than anybody ive ever met
i snapped out of depression , i wanted to only have fun with you
and fun we had, in every stupid small room, just the two of us
dancing or letting my head bleed, stiill laughing, together we always would land on our feet
like a cat
and then our story becomes sad
it didnt 'happen', we ccreated it
me and also you
there are things we did not do
and should have
and things we did
that we shouldnt
we alsno never talked about what annoyed us about the other
we never really commincated, god i wish you knew that 5 minutes can make
10 years of difference, maybe even more
its so important
its the core of every relationship
we were attached to the hip
knitting it off hurted, then you ran away laughing and free like i was causing you troble and bad luck
meanwhile you should have been gratefull that i love to **** your ****
also to lick it slowly and then hard
and thats how life goes, moments of peace, moments where everyone is happy and all is good
then something happen, the world shakes harder and harder, do you leave this world, is it the faut of the person your with
or do you stay and face the end, and see the beautiful expolosion
in motion
after that again there is serenity, life  cant alway be a simple walk, its hard
especialy relationships, its why i wish i would have been a better girlfriend
i wish i could have openen up more to love
cause in the realationship i already protect myself for the hurt
which came anyway when you decided to leave
we spoke we said slowly
but you ran, and never showed your face again
what was i supposed to do on four legs stiches in my hip, my best friend and lover gone
i was all alone
firtst thought was dying
but that seemed a bit much
there is nothing i can do than heal, unless you come back than i can show you more happiness than before
1000000000 x more i will be a better girfliend and be there for you
uluc
dont leave me, think about it
i genuinly love you, it is rare in this time to find
we would be blind not to try and give eachother a kiss
and a hug
i should tell more about my  inner world and make less sarcastic jokes
you should communicate more, about what to you is an eye sore
for example ***** plates
and i should clean more, be a bit more mowan for you, i can do that
and you should communcate how you feel, dont break up cause you want to **** someone else
we can always discuss that
only go when you are sure you dont love me anymore
im not sure about that so therefore
i am still here
say the words and im gone
but we could with a little effort make life 100000000 x better
and be actually happ with eachother
i want to come home in te evening lay agains you and smell your heavy smell
i want you to be happy i want to see that uluc smile, i  always did
i always cared wanted , you well
or should i have been a huge *****
would that have kept you longer
i dont care cause to me its stronger
the most strongest actually
its almost my religion
to be yourself always and anytime
**** what others think, if you can be yourself
you can be free
thats all i want to be, free, its who i am its me
excpt from you you can join in and belong
you can come humm my tone come sing my song
it must get way more beautiful togeter than alone
and with practice we can get it  perfectly synchronized
i love you uluc
i want you in my life
i can forgive and forget
i hope you also can, cause **** i acted like a crazy *****
but i am not you know this, ask anyone they know this
almost opposite, i just was soshocked
and i hate loss, i didnt know how to survive without you next to me
when i wake up it is you i want to see or an empty spot you just charged up