Despite my proficiency at chopping carrots with pinpoint precision,
I can’t pinpoint the moment when food stopped just being there and started being

THERE.

(Who remembers what it was like to hold a knife without a load of ****** connotations?)

I don’t know

why or
what or
when or

how

but

suddenly food became scary and strange, and so much more than hot chocolate to melt the snowflakes from eyelashes or ice cream when eyelashes are melting, and suddenly the snowflakes started growing inside, icy icy cold in a way that the hot chocolate (with whipped cream à la polite refusal) could never have melted.

I don’t know many things.

I know a lot less than I claim to know but I know that food is life and I would say

Life is A Good Thing.

I know that people say you are what you eat. I never knew what it meant.

Never knew what it meant, that is, until I thought about you and all the things you could be.

You could be what you eat.

o Who cares if you cry when your tears are lemonade?

o I don’t mind if you style your hair in fusilli ringlets or tagliatelle straight. Both are equally delicious.

o Without trying to peanut butter-you-up, you’re exactly my cup of tea.

o I know that the only time to cry over spilled milk is when you were about to dip your biscuits in it.

o Life’s not always a piece of cake…which is why I urge you to have your cake and eat it too, whenever possible.

o You know what else I know? You’re iced to perfection with a cherry on top.

o If you’d rather, you could always be a sweetie pie.

o And let me spill the beans: the only way to tie up your shoes is with strawberry laces.

o I’d even love you for your artichoke heart, as long as it’s still beating.

o You’re the apple of my eye nonetheless.

o Everyone knows the best way to maintain good dental hygiene is to candy-floss your tic-tac teeth.

o And you can show them off when you grin and your mouth becomes a banana split on strawberry lips.


So tell me this:

Why have stars when you could have champagne shooters in your eyes?


Look, I may not know many things,

But something I’m sure of:

In order to be a truly tough cookie, you have to eat a lot of them first.