The stifling darkness chokes my senses to the point at which I can't differentiate between the sounds of water dropping from branches and the moisture falling from the edge of my chin onto the crumpled leaves strewn around my feet. 

Crickets and assorted bugs I couldn't dream of naming pierce the dark with their high-pitched keening, and the occasional large displacement of rainwater from above reminds me of my childhood fear of the dark. 
These methodical observations cascading through my mind calm the frazzled maelstrom my emotions currently resemble. 

The borrowed boots I threw on, before flinging the door open to make my escape into the dark alternate reality of the night, confine my feet in an unusual way; my toes slamming into the fronts as I walk downhill; the soles of my feet slide back and forth as I trip over the branches and stumps hidden from my eyes by the thick blindfold of night.

I crumple, much like the leaves at my feet, onto a slightly damp fallen tree and close my eyes; more from habit than to block out the non-existent light. The bark feels somewhat grimy under the hand I recline upon, but the chaos gripping my mind occupies my attention; therefore I have no brain capacity to decide if the slimy surface warrants a relocation on my part. 

I direct my full attention inward and examine my uncharacteristically jumbled emotional cloud. Angry reds and blacks flash into exisitence, before extinguishing to reveal sickly yellow veins underneath before lighting again. As the time between the red and black explosions increases, a melancholy dark blue smog coats the inner recesses of my mind like a fuzzy wallpaper and rug combo. The cloud of emotion has dissipated, leaving only dark green wisps of calm in it's wake.

This writing seems to have calmed my inner turmoil; I accept the loss of a piece of me and mourn it's destruction. I'm left without the energy to pick up the artistic utensils I would use to recreate this piece sacrificed against my will. 

Hopefully, I will regain the motivation in the morning. But for now, I shall make my way back through the slick stumps and crumpled leaves to my bed and pass the time till then in dreams.

I question
my exisitence
on a daily basis,
yet I still don't
know my
purpose for
walking such a
hateful planet.
-o.b.

fading, slipping away
you
missing, craving still only you
smiling secretly to myself,
with the one you love
the memories
still sweet like ice cream
the amber glow on the ceiling
still fresh in my mind
your lips damp like the air that day
still tickle down my spine
rushing my exisitence,
and in the depths of my soul
days now go by
Head still above water
I sit here and wonder why i am
stuck hopelessly in this wave
i am entwined
the way your limbs wrapped around mine
empty bags, once packed stare me down
the smell of the sea fades away with time
take away this melancholy,
Make it easy to breathe
holding on and letting go simulataneously
Hoping to land on soft ground
carving new paths
Your presence still with me
In glimpses of deja vus
THis city so full of people
But remains empty of you

I once thought my exisitence revolved around the love of a man
I once thought that everything just needed time and a plan
I once thought that everything was true but that was all Before I fell in love with you
In the beginning we took our vows and said I do
But your smile faded into resentment
Your laughter turned into a growl
What once felt so warm and real turned into all the Nightmares I told myself I would not feel
When you look into my eyes do you not see the tears I try to hide ?
When you hold my hand can you feel all the love I'm so scared to give?
When you hug me does your soul hold on tight ?
Are all the things I see in you what you see in me?
If you love me why do you leave me so ****** up mentally?

- L