Long after my injust exhile from  this  site I began a time of deep thinking.
And after many cervasas and long nights with ***** women I thought.
Where is my life going besides to the free clinic every other day to cure
the ******* of fire.

It was then I remembred a wise amigo a man amoungst many men
not because he was strange they just happend to all gather togather in that spot.
Unlike a bathhouse once I only went to a few times to have some male bonding
time and to enjoy a nice backrub.

But enough with my college years.
My once mighty amigo told me.
******* dont ever let them hold you back for the evil forces are many
yet you cant **** crazy  well maybe with a gun but that would take many bullets amigo.

It was then i knew I must return to the land of Hello.
To bring joy to many and annoy young teenage  writers who think vampires can walk around in daylight and werewolves run in large packs with other amigos in Alaska.
How I wish i lived there as well.

It had been far to long since this gravyard of like button zombies  had taken off
there pants turned off the lights  and  had a hot oil ****.
At least I hope that was oil.

It had been  a cold summer south of the boarder but that doesnt mean there wasnt fire down below.
Much like with older women.

So I packed the pinto and like a really fast minded person moving at a well
much slower gear I was off.
For where there is a need there is well a place people
probaly want something to suit that need.

So spank my spandex wearing *** and call me MR Pickles.
Cause The ******* has returned amigos.

Ole!!!

I can change my mood at the drop of a hat
One extreme to another; I'm the epitome of that

Selfishly I'll draw u in because I need ur touch
I'll push u away just as fast coz I care too much

Emotionally I'm wounded and don't know how to heal
I think things I shouldn't think and feel things I shouldn't feel

I take solace in silence rather than speak
I don't want to be vunerable I hate that I'm weak

I analyze our conversations, I break down every word
You could be singing praises but it wasn't what I heard

I always tend to listen to the voice I shouldnt hear
The haunting words of rejection, abandonment and fear

My triggers change daily, im so hard to predict
Happy one minute, the next moment; conflict

Pain,rejection, exhile and shame
I know I'm at fault but its you that I blame

I blame you for not knowing exactly what to say
I judge you for not doing the things I want done in a very particular way

Logically I get it, I understand the way I act
I don't how to fix myself, it's just a skill I lack

With all of my quirks and personality flaws
I feel it's for the best that I'm behind closed doors

Safer on my own so there's no pain's involved
Alone isn't ideal, but how else will my issues be solved

I can be me when I'm away from the crowd
I can just be myself cause I say I'm allowed

Where's this happy person that other people see?
It's time for me to let him out, time to be set free

Momma said I was strange growing up.
She said I ran before I could even crawl
She said I'd run, drawing on walls in the halls
She said it was a bit odd.
Then again she said she raised me alone
Single parent, emphasis on the single
So obviously I was going to be odd.

I guess that stuck with me
Because I learned love before hatred
I learned to love before I questioned trust
So deep down in my core, way in the crust
There must be something wrong with me.

I wonder on things of my past
Wondering had it lasted
Where would my life be blasted.
The shadows of the past casted
And I always long to hide back
In the shade.

I guess I'm conflicted
Between finding the shade
And finding the light
Unsure which one I've been depraved
Or whether there was one I had craved
Maybe in the light is where I belong
But what if it's a hot day
...

I guess the past
Is a flag flown at half mast,
And the shadow is illuminated
Into complete exhile.

...

Maybe the light will reveal
What I never knew about myself.
Or maybe
I'm a creature of the shadows

...

There are many different walks of life
some are twisted, some are nice
and some are just plain cruel.

A Baker with a wheat intolerance
An actor without a part
A farmer who’s afraid of sheep
A banker with a heart

A politician who cannot lie
A Doctor with a cold
A clumsy loud mouthed loose lipped spy
An origami exhile – out of the fold

A discharged army general
turned red faced personal trainer
Or the local park bush lurker
who’s found his nitch as a social worker

The violent ******* criminal
released from behind bars
now spends his weekdays
putting tickets on parked cars

But the worst walk of all,
the most hopeless and empty
is to sit ideal at home
and watch daytime tele.