Strapped to the outside of a rocket ship with nothing in the way.
I took off, and I just kept going. Reaching a height higher than heaven.
Nothing to orient myself. No time. No space. No self. Nothing but darkness stretching out all around me.
A roar of a million voices trying to scream over eachother resonates through my head.
I then came into orbit. Everything begun to crystalize.
No longer was I confounded to the restrictions of flesh. By birth and by death. I was out of my shell. Out of my world.

Complex geometrical patterns formed around me. Beating. Breathing. Moving. Almost like they were alive.
I had no way to process this. It was all so perfoundly alien. This was not my world. "Where the **** am I?" I thought
Terror possesses me. I feel like I am going to **** myself. Then all of a sudden these beings of indescribable features surround me, telling me to relax. "Relax now. Take it in. Settle down."
They told me they were my guides. They were going to show me around.

They gave me the tour of this universe, "Look at this! Look at that!" they said excitedly, showing me worlds that I can not explain, yet they seemed to reflect me.

I suddenly lost them. Where has my tour group gone?!
Suddenly these entites besieged me. Giving off negative energy. Holy ****! Jesters with tight pants and bell hats. Giving me the finger. They were so mischevious. Surrounding. Laughing. Jumping inside of me. ****** my soul. Is this what hell feels like?!

The darkness begins to clear, as a large face of a shimmering blue woman, with flaming white hair blowing in a non-existant wind, comes into view. Her face has so much dimension, with thousands of other faces upon her own. A snake tongue escapes through her lips, wrapping around me, pulling me into her mouth. I am flung into a space that is pure white, and a warm tingling sensation fills me.
This is what heaven feels like. This is my home. I think I found god.
I have never felt so much love. I have never felt so alive.

I then opened my eyes, trying to process my surroundings. I was in my home. On the couch. Sitting in front of the tv. My friend Jason was sitting next to me. He asked me what did I see. I leaped off of the couch, screaming "It is all a simulation!" I pulled my shirt off, swinging it around like Daniel from the bible. I tried to throw myself down the stairs, but was stopped when Jason tackled me. He held me in a chokehold, and while this was happening I exclaimed:

"On earth I am just a monkey,
but out there I am so much more.
I am not just a speck on a spinning ball.
I am more than the skin I wear,
More than the title I bear.
There is so much out there.
This world is not real.
What is real is me."

When I finally calmed down, Jason asked me how I was doing.
I looked up at him and I said "I am a work in process."

its when I feel numb,
its when I feel the void,
things just keep coming and going,
but nothing draws my attention.

I stand in the midst of this staircase,
I climb each step but the end never comes.
I feel piqued,
I feel stressed.

many climb and reach the end,
but my feet just seem to cling,
not make a single move.

giving up, I climb down.
tears role down my cheeks.
why after being surrounded by so many entites
I am still alone.
why after struggling so much,
I'm not able to make it.
why do I miss that propel-action

then I close my eyes and wish,
I think.

I dream of this place,
where love is given more respect than lust.
a place where kindness and simplicity is a way of life.
a place where we focus on learning and not competing.

a place where rain is welcomed with arms wide open
and not walked against.

where a hug from a loved one
makes you forget all those sorrows and tears.
where joy is achieved in others' smiles.

when people around you make you laugh
and make you smile.
and when you are given petit surprises
wrapped with lots of love.

somewhere where I am understood,
somewhere where I am loved,
somehow I am made strong..

and then I open my eyes
and in a flash everything vanishes.

but just the thought of it
gives me that joy
and the hope
and makes it my driving force
and a reason to go ahead in life...

what's life without inspirations
what's life without benevolence