It is good to get lost at Edapally junction
in that sea of people in the bus bay in front of emmanaul silks
to be exact, I could get lost in any part of kerala
it is the same to me ,kozhikode, thrissur or cochin
I am a foreigner
And i have adapted.
why ?
Why ,you may ask
why this indifference to one's own mother
simply because you cannot abandon your mother though you grew up in an orphanage
So goes for these places
I did not choose my mother
nor did I choose my native land
and I cannot orphan them
can I ?
I am familiar with some places now
As new memories are made
I remember places now
I remember fort kochi for the lanes sloshed in whisky and dreams
i remember vypin for small truths
I remember vytilla for heartbreak and pain
I remember wellington for incessant talk and friends
I remember calicut for numerous crossroads and junctions and restrooms
I remember thrissur for art and molestation
i do remember places now for each memory made
it was not like this for the place I grew
I know the temple and the paddy field
and the people in each house
like the woman on Google maps announcing each turn and curve
I would say this where I smashed the neatly piled red bricks with my lady bird bicycle
or take a turn in that alley and say this where I buy coloured glass bangles
Or take a left here ,this is where I light lamps filled with ghee fasting and in obeisance to devi
It is all vivid ,perfect with no doubts
and everything is doubtful in my own land
And then ,I decided to get lost at Edapally
sorry if I am geographically wrong

I stopped my car at the highway
Amongst the water logged fields
Overgrown with white lilies
my driver looked displeased
how could one waste travel and money
until then I had counted minutes and seconds
Of anticipated moments of security boarding and baggage
and now I stopped here at angamali  a nowhere
and watched my flight overhead
What now he looked anxiously
let's take a detour
I said
and yelled at the plane
"I don't care "
I want to get lost
And switched off all accountability

He dropped me at Edapally junction
And i stood still in that movement
a flood of people
fear engulfed me
the airconditioned air filled my mind
a fake cherry tree with cotton and red  glitter paper stood staring
People moved in with money and came out with loads
sweat, dreams, monotony, laughter expectations ,new hopes and hopes  dangling in the bus bay
some comfort now ,I stood hugging my Adidas coat
I did not know where to look and was whirling around in small circles
when I felt being pulled
Your lanky arm
I was here trying to get lost
And here you were pulling me back
I walked with big steps trying to dodge you and hoping to disapper
And then it started to pour
I did not know which was louder
the rain or your anger
your knuckles white
is this why they call white with fury
even the rain seemed white
the cotton hung wet and the cherry Tree seemed drained
but language seemed fine
you drove
I walked
and it rained
it was perfect to get lost

Why am I still standing here with tears, when in reality it's fear
Why do I care enough for you but don't care enough for me?
I hope everyday that you at least think of me because I think of you alot,  but I can't keep guessing on the sidelines to what I did wrong. I deserve an answer, not a disapper. But you are pretty good at that I guess, next time, I'll think twice before letting you back into my life, and when I do, I will put on a fight because you and I both know I'm right. You were my best freind, know, you're just a fear I don't want

If truly it's known,
By all hearts like tone,
Our love shall be immortan
we shall be free of slave dark groan,
And pious to the hell of love gew-gew.
Drive me whereever you want to settle,
And heal the incurable disease you've done,
To sell the chain-of-rock to our bones,
And leave the pain in our flesh,and around the cruel fireof hell.
In ****,utter a deep rumbling in a distress;
We preffer to be left alone in peace,
But?love had come to soar our peace.
Where's our destiny?sourrounded in evil aure,
we seldon see throug the mist;
The scene on a tall summer that so pale,
Across the blue sky,the white cloud float shoals,
Or?disapper and quitly sail,the wast time;
Swell and fell into dream's haze,
Where eyes look long like a lover's gaze
What time in mists shall we tast?
Calmto the battlement of enternity of love;
Unknown!
Till the sun be set;they are all gone.
Maight the timid heart ,quiet dispassionate moon?
When the agony of nightmare caurse begin,
Or,a devil that rides human soul?
Shall wondered around our souls?
AH!It's too late to goven the kid of love's soul,
For the day evil-light shouted daze,
By hopes and fear,cried our souls,
Like the shadow's flames which the sun throw,
Even,more like the shadows of lives than life's blow.
In move,yet with something beauty very rare,
Traced,do they live on slop,
Pearhaps,be of noblest hopes,
The trace of intention that maight have been fair,
For purpose,each man's action must be hidden from scorn,
Hope like nature,oaktree man's saddest,
We loom in the world without watching time,
A wast so far,dark night is near,
To flash us back to the hell,where no wind breathes or ripple stires
We wish we were given a chance to restore the unwanted past!

We all undo and ***** into a pool or some kind of meaningless puddle
Where our thought escape, linger and dwell
When sometimes all we needed was a good cuddle
Starting at the end of a ready burst bubble
It shatters, it explodes into small catch-less pieces
Just what did it hold to make it suffer
That made it implode into a time with no buffer
And disapper like the Central Park guy, Gunther
We all have our thoughts of what comes next
All these Instagrams to share and get off our chests
Before they become non-fashioned in a time of manifest
Thinking of a money spinner to make our dreams come true
What could, what would and the Ikea enigma of mahogany or tained blue
Life throws us under a bus whether MENSA or just plaim dumb
Whatever way you look at it its always the same
Life is a conundrum

JJB