beats banging the bolts of your brains your mind slumped back with thoughts of genocidal terrorist gangsters polluting your countries veins, rocking lines like no way but did bush rock the planes, and **** did we really give al-Qaeda all that money 6.9 billion **** yeah that sounds pretty funny, but back in the day they were the backed boys in blue fighting off the the red corner for their freedom to be renewed, but that wasn't enough for them
reunion of peace lost with the greed of the beast and the hate for the west and the hate for different beliefs, capitalism s bad but not bad enough for lives to be releived or taken, **** bugs me but im not shooting the lead at a different population.
and im not conforming to 911 being binladen cause the videos shown give me the impression those attacks were a little more expensive than the planes on the rota, the truth covered up like ill put it under the sofa or they wont notice just tuck it behind the toaster, its not for common knowledge to be a pile of **** out off cnn's rosta does anyone remember Mcintyre whos stated on paper that he beleives the pentagon was hit by something different than whats printed on the usual reporters notepad soo whos the joker?
the world needs answers now before this conspiracy is just another late night channel on the tv, or the page on the internet that no one sees xcept the fat man nursing a ***** and a bag of nachos with a little too much additional flavour bread cheese and cereal its all over his bed, forgotten how to live soo hes browsin instead, this mans a lost cause you stay tight to whats in your head
and im not guna turn around and say that my rhymes keep your brain feeling alive ive used that space to save you time so you can see the things i see
the way the world is lookin at me
and this **** keeps my dreams infant and my body just another delinquent, reeling around in this filtered hypocricy with the love and humour on hold till this chapter unfolds

I feel sick and need a kick
Constantly walking towards the storm fighting for my beleives and dreams
only to be crushed and squashed
nothing seems to be clear
nothing seems to come near
I'm human and I have a heart
This heart does not seem to heal
Always Been broken by people I love
Always disappointed by the ones I hunger for approval
Why do we love the ones that don't care
Why do we love the ones that don't deserve us

Honest John waits In his car.
peaks through his rear view mirror at the glass door. watching.
The engine is off.
cold air nips at his nose and ears.
ice caps cover grass.
the night pitch black
No moon in the sky.
few stars due to the city smog.

A Dim glow from inside the restaurant
Casts shadows in the parking lot.
She hides in them.

Rolling carts march uniform right on schedule
hauling trash to dumpsters just outside.
Honest john watches her slip on a Latex Glove.
*** a cigarette.
She doesn't want honest john to smell the cigarette on her hands.
He doesn't know.

Honest John's Phone buzzes.
He answers.
Told that "work is going late."
She "won't need a ride tonight."
"Won't be home tonight."
Honest John asks where she's going.

"oh, out with my lady friend.
Sarah, haven't seen her since high-school"

"Alright." Says Honest John.
"Have fun." He bit his tongue for the sake of not seeming Crazy again.
It wasn't very honest of him.

She climbs up into red Truck with
The man.
smoke billows out the windows as they screach off howling in the rearview mirror.

Honest John has always hated her lying.

John Loves Crying.
It's honest.
Not just his own tears.
Being the shoulder to cry on is johns momment of ecstasy.
Tears are Beautiful on everybody.
Nobody cries without a reason.

Alone John Smokes Djarum Blacks.

They're the most honest of cigarettes.
Don't paint themselves White
Try passing as innocent or pure.
Just Blatantly say
"Hey, we're way worse for you then a normal cigarette.
"This is slowly killing you"
John appreciates that
even though they're slowly killing him,
At least they are honest about it.

John speaks his mind.
Just as he beleives it.
won't risk leaving words
unsaid again.
but there is one word
he's troubled being Honest about.

Love.

Everytime he doesn't say it.
It kills him slowly.
which would be fine,
if love didn't lie.

I stated what  has bothered me over time
always hear just do things right.
   it could have  been my blindness
or facing my dismiss

  some  poems i place  carried dust until i opened them
some still  trying to come up

but a blinded artist can not see the beauty he  can create
unless  he opens his eyes for just a speck of time.
nor can a  musician  play  if he can not hear  the melody he plays.
nor can a heart beat if it is closed to whats out side or the mind work  with all of its realm  to truely show whats inside.
   i am not always going to be right    as much as some has wanted me to be

  but i am a person who still beleives in creativity.
time does play a role  anguish and pain if allowed takes the stage
    i am a friend that truly cares but left  stuck in the background because of someone else..
  i am the starving artist  who has many times been told my work needs a gallery  so i give it away  to those  dear and close to me.
    and now i am just a distant memory.   so i
vent

2/10/2014

my appologies for the previous poem" why".  i have had mixed comments else where but really  look at it, thats what  alot of people see. it isnt about me or even you we are all different,  the biggest thing is  lets just get along. an no longer push people into a corner   or  push away because they dont do exactly the way you or i do. i lost many of friends on both sides of this .  my  biggest  part about who i am  is i  have a heart and i care , i would bend over backwards to help and  there are many who  know that to be fact. some  walked away  as if i did them wrong.   i started getting very frustrated and angry. i even put down my artwork for  a while ,   and really it never needed to be this way. so again sorry if i offended anyone i just needed to vent  
alan