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AP Staunton Jan 2016
Two inches was the measure, of young Stevies blunder,
Digging out concrete, not knowing whats under.
He felt a nugget, that wouldn't yield to the Pick,
So he used the Jack-Hammer, until he got that "kick".
Caught fire on the spot, looked at me, shocked,
Died in flames, got a days pay docked.
Cut the main cable, Fifty millimetres, metric,
I know you hate to ask, but Friends aren't Electric.

Dennis stepped back, pleased with his graft,
Fell two hundred foot, down an unguarded shaft.
Been on the Grinder, cutting out steels,
So the Elevator boys could fix , their cogs and their wheels.
Never said a word, no shout or no fuss,
Dennis died like he lived, just one of us.

Me and Baz on a roof, we knew was asbestos,
Brittle like toffee, temperamental as Kate Moss,
Had no crawling boards, so we tip-toed like burglars,
Clinging on tightly, think Ivy on Pergola's.
I heard the crack, leapt to the hip-tile,
Baz clawed and scraped, resistance was futile.
They spread out the sand, where Baz hit the deck,
To mop up the blood, from a broken neck.
Health and safety, if's and but's,
Shoddy workmanship, taking short-cuts.
We have no say, we try our best,
Hard hats, harder boots and high-visibility vests,
Are all that we leave, not Time-Shares or Merc's,
Just daughters in tears, Dads not home from work.
briano alliano plays at jupiter moon



hi dudes and welcome you all to jupiter moon and my first song is wild thing

here it goes


you see i am a wild thing, ah ah ah ah ah ah

you make my heart sing, oh yeah let’s party

you make my heart leap right out of my body

making it wanna bleed, you wild thing

wild thing, i wanna love you, but i wanna no for sure

i wanna love you baby, better than before

wild thing yeah i am cool man

i make your heart sing, really radical dude

the party is on for young and old, oh yeah we wanna party on yeah

wild thing, i wanna have *** with you, oh yeah i do, yeah

i wanna have *** with you and make you wanna scream for more, oh baby

wild thing, come on little dude, let’s ****** party, yeah

you see i will party and knock your hearing aids out, wild thing

wild thing, wa wa wa wa wa wa

you make your heart sing and making your heart leap right out of your body, like a

bouncing ping pong ball, you wild thing

hi dudes that was a great song and now here is 15 miles

15 miles to get to the end

without some people driving you round the bend

you see i gotta find a way to get there in time

before we ****** reach the state line

you see i do my work and i do it so well

and enjoy the treats ya know ya just don’t tell

ya parents dude, what you just ate

because if you do, you will be too sick to eat off your dinner plate

and i write my stories oh yeah i am fine

you see i write stories like the **** kids gaol and captured in the psych ward and more

people say shut up woosey to me, cause when i was young i was a tad shy for them

15 miles to get to the end

without some people driving you round the bend

i have to find a way to get there in time

before we ****** reach the state line

money comes and money goes

then we go out side to play in the snow

you see i chuck a snowball onto my dad

and he tells me of the fun we had

you see in this world i have so much fun

actually it makes me want to eat a cream bun, and enjoy it

don’t tell your mum

yeah we jump up and scream to the world

all the problems you have with it

15 miles to get to the end

without some people driving you round the bend

i have to find a way to get there in time

before we ****** reach the state line

you see right wing governments don’t give a ****

yeah they don’t care one little bit

julia gave the poor money, yeah that is rad

but abbott doesn’t care, it drives me totally mad

15 miles to get to the end

without some people driving you round the bend

i have to find a way to boot abbott out in time

before we are the poorest nation this side of the line

this side of the ****** line

hi dudes, that was a great song wasn’t it, and now here is oxy ***** give me a smoke

if i smoke a ****** drag, and if i enjoy it very much

do you honestly think i will give it to you, neh

keep your greedy mits off it

you see there are some things in life a poor ****** like me needs more than anything else

and that is a smoke, NOT

i don’t smoke, i don’t want to

i don’t smoke, who needs to

people don’t believe me when i say i gave up cigarettes, i tell them no, and say *******

well, what a bunch of crap, he is just a pain in the ***

i don’t smoke, who wants to, it will **** me if i try who needs to

only yobbos smoke, because my friend it’s bad for my health

i don’t smoke, i never wanted to smoke, so please don’t presume i do, by starting to fight me on the street

and i never wanted to smoke, i smoked to be cool

but man oh man i quit, because it ain’t a good ****** look, hurts my reputation

hi dudes, that was a great song, i hope you enjoyed it and now i sing duncan

i would love to chuck a methane smoothie on duncan

i would love to chunck methane on dunc

ya see it will improve the quality of his life on earth

and it’s better than beer that gets you hopelessly drunk

i chuck it on top of his head dude and then down his pants, that is great

i would love to chuck methane on duncan cause he is my mate

i would love to chuck methane on bas boy

yeah i would love to chuck methane on baz

to get rid of the stress he shows when his kids are in trouble

yeah i can tell you baz,, i am doing fine

i still want to chuck it on my bas boy, which will make jupiter’s atmosphere so great

i would love to chuck methane on baz boy, cause he is our mate

i would love to chuck methane on scott mcdonald

yeah that’ll be fun to chuck methane on him

you see he became lucky and muscles to tease us all

yeah it felt like we were getting attacked by a jungle ape

i pour the keg on top of scott yeah, making the atmosphere so great

i would tip methane all over scott cause he is a great mate

hi dudes and here is a christmas song for christmas in july

jingle bells bat man smells robin laid an egg

the bat mobile lost it’s wheel, the joker got away

dashing through the park on a skateboard as he does

was santa kid ya see, listening to was not was

the song was the hit, named walk the dinosaur

and then scott mcdonald came up to me

and showed me lucky’s pour

jingle bells bat man smells robin laid an egg

the bat mobile lost it’s wheel, the joker got away

jingle bells batman smells robin laid an egg

the bat mobile lost it’s wheel, the joker got

the joker got, the ****** joker got away

hi dudes, and now i will chuck this methane smoothie on top of bas boy, ya know

my dad, because i want him to have a great life as betty campbell and forget

about me, so here we go, tipping it all over dad

bye dudes
there was a sky show over Sydney this morning and if you are wondering

who was involved, well it was a huge party on jupiter and saturn and i was

the host i sang

hot hot hot and spicy baby

hot hot hot and really spicy baby

yeah nobody does chicken like KFC

and if you are wondering where i am, just go to Sydney and look to the sky

and look up all so high, yeah mate yeah it is so fun

yeah kick the rich snobs up the ***

you see i put this concert on to bring a bit of excitement to this city but you only saw

the lights, i can guarantee that what i say here is what the dead had a finger on

you see here is Slim Dusty with his song

it’s lonesome away from the kindred and all

on a cold sydney morning a view worth seeing

you see the people are fools right on our mother earth

because only the cosmic and the dead knows what went on

you see the barman is waiting for his stock to arrive

and it is mighty hard to get there by get in your car and drive

i told the barman give us methane oh yeah

so we dan enjoy the break in a party with methane

you see the green was the methane spilling all over sydney

but none of it was spilt, here is Robert Palmer with Addicted to love

the lights are on and Sydneym is home and the people are watching

a great light show with loads of great colours that you have ever seen

you see you can’t be seen you can’t be viewed y

you like to think that you are in a wonderful party

with me and slim dusty and many many more and the great smoky dawson

you see you will like to think that you are enjoying yourself and you are

in the way, of being addicted to love

you might as well face it your addicted to love

might as well face if your addicted to love

you might as well face it your addicted to love

oh yeah, the party is on and now here is our song duncan by slim

i would love to have a beer with duncan and he’ll have a beer with me

you see we’ll be good mates forever and we light up a party in the sky of sydney

we drink all over the country, getting ****** as we might do

i would love to have a beer with duncan cause he is our mate

i would love have a beer with baz boy, yeah i would love to have a beer with him

yeah we will drink all over this god forsaken land and in the cosmos, oh yeah mate yeah

drinking is fun with baz boy, yeah drinking is fun oh yeah

yeah i would love to have a beer with bas boy, cause he is our friend

and now here is briano alliano with fly burgers

fly burgers are good enough to eat

fly burgers are such a tasty treat

just catch a blowie between two buttered buns

add some lettuce and tomato and have so much fun

in sydney there is a light show from outer space

it’s really the dead people having the biggest party oh yeseree

a fly will come into dads methane, and totally splash all over him

fly burgers are good enough to eat

fly burgers are such a tasty treat

just catch a blowie before he ruins the party

add some lettuce and tomato

and have so much fun

and now here is whitney houston, ready to party, hardy

oh i wanna dance with somebody

i want to feel the groove with somebody

oh yeah, i wanna dance with somebody, with somebody who loves me

one dance and a spirt of methane to tip all over me

you see the light show looks like it’s so fun, come and cheer on me

and welcome all the dead, you see this is a sign, that just because your dead doesn’t mean

your gone from us oh yeah

i wanna dance with somebody, i wanna feel the heat with somebody

i wanna dance with somebody, with somebody who loves me

and what a party this has turned out to be

right over the sydney sky

sydney sydney sydney oi oi oi

and now that is it, what a fantastic show, we might come back with more party moves on that position over sydney

sydney sydney sydney oi oi oi, and let’s party cosmos
ODAY ROD TAYLOR DIED, AND HE WAS IN A GREAT THEATRICAL EVENT IN SATURN

TO HELP BRING SATURN SOME FUN, THISC EVENT WAS ORGANISED BY DAD



YA SEE PARDON ME BOYS, IT’S A WELCOME UP HERE ON SATURN CHOO CHOO, OH YEAH CHOO CHOO

YA SEE PARDON ME BOYS, IT’S A CHATANOOGA CHOO CHOO OH YEAH,

WE WILL PARTY RIGHT ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT

IN THE PLANET OF SATURN

AND THEN DAD AND ROBIN WILLIAMS CAME UP FROM THE SKY SAYING

PLEASE BUDDHA SAVE US, WE DON’T WANNA DIE

PARDON US BOYS, IT’S JUST A CHATANOOGA CHOO CHOO, OH YEAH DUDES PARTY NOW

AND THEN AS DAD AND ROBIN WILLIAMS SLIM DUSTY CAME UP AND SANG

IT’S LONESOME AWAY FROM MY CHILDREN AND ALL

FROM THE OLD DUSTY STAGE TO THE BIG TOWN HALL

THERE IS NOTHING AS HORRIBLE, AND MORBID OF DREAR

TO SIT IN A PLACE WHERE THE TAP HAS NO BEER

I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A BEER WITH BAZ BOY

I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A BEER WITH BAZ

WE DRINK IN MODERATION

AS BRIAN JOHN ALLAN TRIES TO GET RID OF HIS SPAZ

WE DRINK IN THE TOWN AND COUNTRY

WE’RE THE ATMOSPHERE IS GRAND

I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A BEER WITH BAZ BOY

CAUSE HE IS OUR FRIEND

THEN ROD TAYLOR CAME UP AND SAID HEH HEH HEH I AM THE WICKED WIZARD

I AM COMING TO TRAP YA YEAH

I WILL GRAB YOU AND EAT YOU UP, YEAH I WILL MAKE YOU FEEL INSCURE

YEAH MR SLIM DUSTY, AND I WILL SAY NO MORE BEER, PLEASE

CAUSE IT’S FORCING ALL THIS FUCKEN EVIL, IN THIS GOD FORSAKEN WORLD

BRIAN ALLAN CAME UP AND SANG

I HEARD WE ARE GOING TO BE ALONE IN THIS WORLD

I’M SAD YOUR SAD, WE ALL ARE SAD, THAT

THERE ARE TOO MANY COOL PEOPLE AS MYSELF, WITH MENTAL ILLNESS

IT’S SAD, IT’S SAD UMMMMMMM SAVE THE MENTALLY ILL BUDDHA DUDE

AND THEN THE GREEN METHANE KEG OPENED ALL OVER BRIANY

BY ROD TAYLOR, WHO WANTS TO SAVE THE WORLD

BY BRINGING GOOD THEATRE TO OUTER SPACE

AND THEN GRAHAM KENNEDY, CAME UP AND SAID

TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR, HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU ARE

UP IS THE COSMIC WORLD YA SEE

A STAR THAT SHINES FOR YOU AND ME

TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR, PARTY ON AND NEVER STRAY

AND THEN, A METEORITE CAME DOWN, AND DAD PICKED IT UP

AND GAVE IT TO BRIAN, AND TOOK IT OFF BRIAN TO GIVE IT TO SLIM DUSTY

SAYING, YOUR TOO SHY TO BE LIKE US BRIAN

AND THEN SLIM DUSTY, HOPPED ON THE METHAN SLIDE

AND INTO HIS SPACE SHIP SINGING

WE’RE GOING BACK AGAIN TO JUPITER, TO JUPITER TO JUPITER

WE’RE GONNA BACK AGAIN TO JUPITER BUDDY

IN THE PLANET OF THE HURRICANES

AND THEN SLIM DUSTY TIPPED METHANE OVER DAD

AND SAID, IF YA CALL BRIAN BRIANY, I WILL DECK YA WITH THIS METHANE

SO YA CAN ENJOY THE NEXT LIFE, BRIAN SAID, HOW ABOUT I

PICK UP A KEG OF METHANE AND TIP IT ALL OVER DAD

AND THE METHANE CAUSES A GREAT EXPLOSION NEAR

THE LOVE PLANET, WHERE PLUTO USED TO BE

AUSTRALIA DIDN’T  SEE THIS, BUT THEY HEARD IT IN THUNDER

CHECK OUT YOUR SCIENCE WEBSITES OR YOUTUBE SITES

AND COLOURS OF RED AND YELLOW AND PINK AND GREEN

PURPLE AND ORANGE AND BLUE

IT WAS SEEN IN A RAINBOW, IT WAS SEEN IN A RAINBOW

IT WAS SEEN IN A RAINBOW TOO

AND ROD TAYLOR SAID BYE BYE EARTH

AND THEN DAD SAID, CATCH YA LATER AND SEE YA LATER

YOU GO DOWN AND DO YA TAPESTRY AND WHEN HE GET

THOUGHTS, YOU WRITE THEM DOWN YA SEE

YA DON’T HAVE TO ASK ANYONES PERMISSION, BOO

AND SAM KINISON AND PAUL BERENYI CLEANED UP

BUT THEY STILL ENJOYED THE PARTY THOUGH
Alan McClure Jun 2013
Ah didny recognise him fae the eulogy.
The meenister'd nivver met the lad, Ah could see.
A hero?  Aye, mibbe.  Jist a name tae maist ay these fowk.
But ah kent im as a boay,
the daft wee scapegoat, ayewis in boather,
but nae real hairm in im.
He wis the lad wha'd get skelped, the noise
makkin the teacher turn is heid
jist in time tae spot im skelpin back.
Mairched tae the heidie again.
"Yir a bad lot, Barry.
Yir faither wis a bad lot too."

Puir Baz.
Da in the jile,
Ma aff her face on smack,
an him, daft, funny, doomed.
If onybody at hame had cared enough
tae keep the schuil photies,
they'd have shown a wee freckly laddie
wi a too-open grin,
year eftir year,
jersey gettin tattier,
teeth getting gappier,
still grinnin while the rest ay us
were far too cool tae smile for the camera.

Ah liked im.
Didny unnerstaun how the teachers
were sae ***** tae im.
There wis far badder boays in the year.
Ricky ****** Jackson - a nasty, sleekit wee body,
yankin ab'dy's strings.
But his da wis rich
an the teachers fawned ower im.
No Baz, though.
Cannon fodder, richt enough.
Tackin the flack fir the rest ay us.

Exactly the kind ay lad
the ******* Army thrives on.
Ah canny feel the patriotic pride,
canny picture the self-sacrifice,
the heroism.
Ah can juist see im,
daft an grinnin,
daein whit he wis tellt
an gettin killt.

Mind you,
he wis aye headin for the poppies, that yin,
One wey
or anither.
briano alliano performing on the moon



hi dudes and welcome to this show on the moon, and people ask me, how do i perform for you up here

and i said, i am trying to rid the hooligan from my body, my first song is titled, it’s my hooligan

you see it’s my hooligan, and it looks like i have to live with it

you see i had a puff on a ciggy and a spell with alcohol

you see i was an alcoholic dude, but i was looking at it as partying

because that is what a cool young dude does, yeah

you see i bought a bunch of cigars, but they were very strong, oh yeah mate yeah

you can’t enjoy a party with cigars in your mouth

you could get mouth cancer, if you don’t breathe it in man

you see people treat me like an adult oh yeah

they want me to do what they say, i said why should i

i have beliefs of floating up to the moon

while you losers are on earth, probably up here, but not knowing it

i am performing in every club tipping methane on everyone

i want to get respect from everyone on earth my dear

you see my body is so itchy, but that is the hooligan

of my past about 300 years, i remember blackbeard, i wrote my own story

i believe i am him , ****** oath

despite people saying i am not, i know i was greame thorne and patrick dunbar

but they say that, to stop me from living in the past

i believe i am greame thorne, and patrick dunbar, because i used to tie myself up something fierce

i was a football hero, from south australia, named the great albert waldron, **** he’s cool

and i was a great footballer back then, despite in this life, i never strapped on a boot

because of that i was treated like a hooligan, as opposed to an old fogie

and i said to myself, i am a young dude sure mate, but that didn’t take much convincing oh no mate no

ok dudes here is a great song

ya know it’s 3 6 9, the goose drank wine

i chewed tobacco up here on the moon

my dad said, you will die if you smoke

and we all are up in nirvana sipping methane

you see graham kennedy said to me

you are the pride of the afterlife can’t ya see

you come up here and perform like you do

and then you get a hanky and go ahh! choo

and we go 3 6 9 the goose drank wine

lyle called me a goose and that is fine

because back when i was young, i was a hooligan

you looked at his white shiny legs

and when a person came up to me

and made fun of me saying i have shiny legs

i told him that my legs show that

i am flat footed, and lazy to boot

3 6 9 the goose drank wine

i am a hooligan, who teases the olds

people are trying to treat me like

a shyperson or an old fogies kid, I HATE THAT

and now dudes, here is duncan

i would love to have a beer with duncan

i would love to have a beer with dunc

we drink in moderation

and never ever ever get rolling drunk

we drink in every planet, in outer space, oh yeah

i would love to have a beer with duncan cause he is no square

i would love to have a beer with patrick

i would love to have a beer with pat

we drink every drink under the table

and i tipped methane all over his hair, he said, THAT IS THAT

you see we drink in the town and country

to soak up the atmosphere, so great

i would love to have a beer with patrick, cause he’s a great mate

i would love to have a beer with baz-boy

i would love to have a beer with baz

you see we drink each drink under the table

and he will say this, BE LIKE ME AND MUMMY, DON’T CAUSE PROBLEMS FOR ME, NO

we drink in the moon and saturn and jupiter and more

i would love to have a beer with baz boy

cause he is learning how not to be square

ok dudes, i am telling you now, that, people want to treat me like an adult who is scared of life

i hate being treated like an adult who hates life

i want to be treated like an adult everyone likes

because, i love life, i live it to the full

i know i used to touch people inappropriate

i shouldn’t have done that

i say i put stuff on youtube, and a girl says, i have no right to do that

she is very very old, she will grow old gracefully

i have every right to put things on youtube

but not according to this girl, but she isn’t the queen

you see i don’t want to be a shy person, i am an adult oh yeah

i want to watch business meetings on TV when it suits

you see i hate being treated like a hooligan and a shy person, oh yeah

ok dudes, that is it that’s all and now i tip methane all over dad

so betty can be a normal kid, ok dude
HATE BEING THE ONE THAT HAS TO BEHAVE



YOU SEE, I KNOW MY BROTHER IS ALLOWED TO SAY WHAT HE WANTS

BUT I HAVE TO WATCH WHAT I SAY, SOMETIMES I AM JUST BEING COOL

I HATE PEOPLE TELLING ME I HAVE TO BE GOOD, LIKE MY PERFECT FAMILY

IT’S HARD TO DISCIPLINED TO, JUST BECAUSE, I MUCKED WITH THE OLD FOGIES

I HATE, HOW PEOPLE TREAT ME LIKE A TOTAL AND UTTER LOSER

YOU SEE, WHY DO PEOPLE TRY AND DISCIPLINE ME, I FIND IT HARD

LIKE I CAN’T HELP IT, IF I HATED DADS DISCIPLINE RULE

I CAN’T HELP IT, IF I AM A NICE PERSON

YOU SEE, IF I GOOF UP, I AM TOLD, I HAVE NO MATES ANYMORE

ALL BECAUSE I SAID SOMETHING OUT OF LINE

I KNOW MY BROTHER HAS A WIFE AND KIDS, AND WAS COOL

AND YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE, PEOPLE ONLY LIKING ME

IF I BEHAVE, CAUSE I AM COOL, MAN, THE COOLEST DUDE IN CANBERRA

I HATE WHEN I HEAR THE VOICES BE LIKE US, WHEN I EXPRESS MYSELF OVER THE WEB

YOU SEE, WHY DO I HAVE TO BE NICE, I AM A COOL AND REGULAR GUY

I DESERVE TO BE LIKED, I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKED FOR BEING PATHETIC, NO WAY

I HAD VOICES FROM THE PARANORMAL, YA SEE I AM A NICE COOL PERSON

WHY CAN’T I ENJOY THINGS, JUST BECAUSE I ******* PEOPLE

I FEEL IF I SEE THESE PEOPLE, THEY WILL SAY TO ME, I WAS WRONG

BUT I HATE BEING DISCIPLINED, PLEASE DON’T DISCIPLINE ME

I AM 45, AND I AIN’T COMMITTING ANY CRIMES, I AM STILL SEEING THESE DUDES

I USED TO GET DRUNK WITH, SOME WERE GOOD BLOKES

IT’S JUST THAT BACK THEN, I WASN’T PREPARED FOR OUR OUTINGS

I LIKE FOOTBALL, AND I LIKE GOING OUT HAVING FUN

AND I DON’T WANT TO BE TOLD TO BEHAVE MYSELF I HATED BEING TREATED LIKE A NICE AND POLITE MAN

WHILE MY MATES CAN BE LEFT ALONE, PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE

I HATE THAT MAN KEN, I HAVE TO BEHAVE FOR HIM

I CAN’T STAND BEHAVING FOR ANYONE, BEHAVING IS DUNB AND BEHAVING IS WRONG

I HATE CATHOLIC MORALS, AND I HATE DISCIPLINE, BUT I FEEL ONLY OLD FOGIES HAVE DISCIPLINE MORALS

I TRY AND BE GOOD, WHEN I GO OUT TO EVENTS, BUTB SOMETIMES IT’S HARD TO EXCEPT DISCIPLINE

CAUSE WHY CAN’T I JUST BE ALLOWED TO MAKE A BIT OF NOISE

I AM ON MEDICATION, YA SEE IT’S MY DESTINATION, I WANT TO BE HAPPY, SO I TAKE MEDICATION

I THOUGHT DAD WAS STARTING TO SEE MY WAY OF LIFE, YOU SEE, I HATE BEING TREATED LIKE A GOOD BOY

BEING A GOOD BOY DOESN’T WORK FOR ME

I WANT TO BE NORMAL, I WANT TO BE LIKED

I SING A SONG, I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A BEER WITH BAZ BOY, CAUSE HE TRIED TO JUST THINK I LIKED DISCIPLINE

I HATE BEING TOLD TO SHUT UP, IF YOU WANT ME TO SHUT UP, I WILL NEVER SHUT UP, CAUSE, I FOLLOW MY OWN STYLE

WHICH IS FUN, I BELIEVE IN HAVING FUN WHEREVER I GO OUT INTO THIS WORLD

I CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU CAN’T REALISE, I HATE DISCIPLINE, I DON’T WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE I AM TOO WOOSEY FOR LIFE

I HATE BEING TOLD I HAVE TO BEHAVE, WHY DON’T YOU BEHAVE, YOU TELL ME TO BEHAVE, YOUR A TOTAL LOSER, BUDDY OLE BOY OLE CHUM OLE PAL

I AM GOING TO THE BOTANIC GARDENS TONIGHT, BUT I DON’T WANT TO HANG WITH DISCIPLINE LOVING NERDS

I DON’T DO BEHAVING, OK I WILL NEVER DO BEHAVING, I HATE BEING TREATED LIKE AN OLD FOGIE

I AM A COOL MIDDLE AGER, WHO LOVES TO PARTY

STOP DISCIPLINING ME, YA ****

OR I WILL NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN
hi dudes


i wanted to be a hooligan, or was it a young dude who wants to party

you see i would go out at night, and be a real smart, you see my mates

would say, i was like their mob, but i hated my father saying, he hated to

be like my mob, so i called him a great big old fogie ,because that is what

he seemed to be, you see i don’t think dad can understand why his own flesh

and blood could tease him like this, i never really wanted to be an adult to him

no, please don’t make me, you see at present people are saying i am still a young dude

i am still an old fogie, because they wanna get me back, i hated being treated like

a yeah mate yeah kid, ya see, i would prefer to be treated right, you see i know my dad

is saying i am a fool, but my mates liked the way i used to tease my dad, so they joined right in

but i wanted to tell them that i wanted to tease dad all by myself, and when someone called dad

a great big old fogie in the club, i looked at him and said quietly to myself, way to go buddy

you see people are trying to get me to do what i used to do, like if i go into an expensive hotel

they will say, shut up, your still a young dude, buddy, and i said, yeah the young dude that enjoys

5 star hotels, yeah, and dad would try and get rid of my man and take him for a wander, and

some people are taking my cool kid for a bit of a wander, you see, i feel like i am being kidnapped

by the men saying as they tease someone, and then they say i might tease him in a minute

but he is still a hooligan or a friend to the poor, you see i also hear my friends try and be a street kid

so i can get teased by the families, and i don’t want to get teased by the families, and every time i be a

cool young dude, i see my old mates treating me like a shy person, as i am watching the very brave

**** fanning, about to do a press conference, **** he is brave, you see my mates are trying to reach in

to me and play with my itchy skin, you see maybe i was trying to be a street kid back then, so i don’t get teased

and maybe i was trying to be a poor person so i don’t get teased, but i don’t want to go back to the psych ward

you see i wanted to be a hooligan in 1989, and my mate called me dude, and i got voices in my head saying

hang on yeah little cool dude, and my mate said, yeah enjoy yourself man, and i tried to be like his brothers

he went yeah man enjoy yourself, and i ran off, you see i hear voices of people treating me like a little young dude

because when i was young i used to stay up till 11.30 pm on weekends and i used to watch the young ones and

the fast lane, and i watched neighbours and beavis and butted and e street and i remember my mates saying

i think brian doesn’t want to do this, but i want to be a cool kid to the TV, and i would say, you talk to me, i watch the TV

and my mates turning out to be the adults who want to go out and experience life, my version of loving life is watching TV

and teasing my dad, saying he is a great big old fogie and i feel like people are treating me like a roughneck young dude

trying to take my little cool kid to the family credits away, but i don’t want to be a little cool kid to the family, i prefer to be a big young

dude who enjoys calling dad a great big old fogie because dad always said, i don’t know who he is, i said **** malone is going well

dad said, who is **** malone, i said i watched good times last night, and i saw jj and dad said, who is jj, what a ****, i thought

everyone knows about jj, he said, oh dyna—— mite, maybe i was treating dad like me, ya know treating him like a **** of a man

but that was because i thought jj was popular and so was **** malone, i got in a lot of arguments with dad about his ******* comments

ya see now i fall asleep on the couch as i go up to space to try and reform my young dude, because i still want to stay up, i hate going

to bed early, i am not doing what i did in wood berry for anyone, you see i will drink my soft drink and say a bottle of soft drink knocks you out

and i wasn’t a woosey, i was a basketball star, i was a cool kid to the basketball people, yeah i made mistakes i grabbed kids on the mouths

as occasionally i was trying to trap myself, but i was a sports kid, ya know very good at sports, and i want dad to treat me like a man, because

dad can’t protect me from up there, so i want to be treated like a man who enjoys the finer things in life, like eating pizza and drinking coke

and anything that makes me into a real party dude, i don’t want to be a shy person, mind you, i like the idea, of teasing dad from down here

looking at dads next life’s latest pictures on the computer and dad is now in jimmy barnes’s family as betty campbell, but dad is at peace in that family

but he died with everyone thinking he doesn’t want to be cool, and betty campbell is going to be cooler than her last life, baz boy allan

you see i remember when my brother treated me like a little spaz boy, like saying my brain was chopped off and i am totally spastic, yeah like a

little spaz boy, like mum called dad baz boy, my brother called me little spaz boy and i felt very weird because i wanted to be like the TV people

like ***** hogan and ricky stratton or even bart simpson, forcing my brother to be lisa simpson, you see i take my medication to make me feel

better because back then i felt like a koomarri man, and i heard voices of people saying, your still a young dude brian, and i said i am a young dude

ya know, i stay up till late listening to music talking to my brother about his favourite music and favourite TV shows, it was really cool

and when i was young i said i wasn’t a cool kid, i am a big man’s kid or a big young dude who listens to cool poison and twisted sister, **** i love that video

and i got on very well with my family, including the great big old fogie in dad
THE SUDDEN MOMENT OF BEING KIDNAPPED BY THE DEAD



YOU SEE OSAMA BIN LADEN AND RONNIE BIGGS, SACKED TED BUNDY, BECAUSE HIS EARTH BODY

WAS TRYING TO BE NICE, SO OSAMA AND RONNIE GRABBED PAUL BERENYI AND BRIAN ALLAN

AND FLEW THEM AROUND THE PLANET JUPITER *******, AND BROUGHT ON WILD WEATHER

IN NSW, AND TRAP SO MANY PEOPLE, YOU SEE OSAMA AND RONNIE STRAPPED PAUL AND BRIAN

TO A ROBOTIC DEVICE, AND MOVING 5000 MILE PER HOUR, BRIAN AND PAUL SCREAMED CAUSE

NEITHER OF THEM WANTED TO BE KIDNAPPED TOGETHER, LET ALONE AT ALL, AND THEN, RONNIE BIGGS

GOT HIS TRAIN WHISTLE, HOWDY PARTNER, HOWDY PARTNER, I HAVE BRIAN ALLAN AND PAUL BERENYI

BOTH *******, NEVER TO ESCAPE, AND PAUL, TRIED TO DO A MIGHTY LEAP, OVER TO TWO MOONS, BUT

FAILED AS HIS LEGS ARE SO TIGHT ON HIS STRETCHER, AS ADAM WALSH, IS STILL STRAPPED TO THE SUN

THIS IS SWEET REVENGE FOR BRIAN AND PAUL, AS THEY ARE TRYING TO GET OUT OF THERE, YOU SEE

OSAMA SAID, YOUR KIDNAPPER IS DYING SLOWLY BUT SURELY, YA SEE BRIAN ALLAN HEH HEH HEH

YOU WILL NEVER GET OUT OF HERE, AND BRIAN AND PAUL WERE SCREAMING, AND THIS IS GOING TO

BE HARD AS *******, CAUSE BRIAN IS DETERMINED TO RID THESE EVIL VOICES, AND STOP ERECTIONS

IN HIS ****, WHEN HE SEES A KID, OSAMA SAYS, BRIAN ALLAN AND PAUL BERENYI AE WITH ME, THEY ARE WITH

US, WE’LL NEVER LET THEM GO, PAUL SAID, I WANT YOU REFORM OUR WAY BRI=URN AND THEN BRIAN SAID, MY MATE

PAT FROWNED AT MY GRANDMOTHER, BUT IT WAS IN GOOD CONVERSATION, HE WAS A NICE GUY, AND WHETHER OPEOPLE TEASE ME OR NOT

I SAY, TO MY VOICES, TEASE ME ALL YA WANT, AND OSAMA SAYS, NEH, KEEP BRIAN ALLAN AND PAUL BERENYI

FLYING AROUND JUPITER, ABOUT 400 TIMES, AND BRIAN ALLAN, WHO BELIEVES IN THE PARANORMAL, BELIEVES

HIS SPIRIT CAN BE BROKEN UP IN 23 PIECES, IN ORDER TO NOT DIE FROM UNLEASHING THE KIDNAPPER FROM WITHIN,

BRIAN ALLAN THOUGHT, WELL, OK, I NEVER KILLED A KID, OR BRUTALLY BASHED SOMEBODY, BUT I COULD’VE HAVE KIDS

OF MY OWN, IF I WAS TO GET PAST, MY **** GETTING AN *******, FROM LOOKING AT LEGS OF YOUNG KIDS, I FIND

THIS HARD, AS, I AM BEING TEASED, AS I WRITE, YOU SEE, AS I TYPE, THE PARANORMAL FEEL, OF ME, GETTING WEIRD DELLUSIONS

OF MY OLD MATES HAND PUSHING ME AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER, EVEN THOUGH I LIKE COMPUTERS, A LOT

YOU SEE, YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL, OF OSAMA BIN LADEN, HE COULD WRECK, ALL POSITIVE PARANORMAL ACTIVITY

AND IF HE HAS HIS WAY, NOBODY WILL BE SAVED, AND AS BRIAN IS TRYING TO GET FREE, BUT OSAMA SAID, WE WANT YOU TO STOP

YOUR ERECTED ****, I HAVE AMAJOR PLAN, TO CHOP IT OFF, BUT THEN BRIAN SCREAMED SO LOUDLY, ******* ******* OSAMA

YOU SEE, AT PRESENT, BRIAN ALLAN, IS FORCED TO BE A SHY OLD FOGIE, AS HIS CRACKED FEET ARE REALLY HURTING, AND BRIAN

IS GETTING SILLY DELLUSIONS, OF THE PARANORMAL, TAKING HIM FROM THE SIMPLE LIFE, AND REALLY MAKING BRIAN ALLAN STRUGGLE ON EARTH,

GIVING BRIAN ALLAN NO ENERGY, FORCING OLD MATES SAY, I AM NOT YA DADDY, I AM NOT YA FUCKEN LITTLE DADDY, BRIANY

AND, THE WAY OSAMA MADE BRIAN ALLAN STRUGGLE, BY TAKING HIS HAPPY BODY, BUT BRIAN ALLAN, SAID, DO THIS, TAKE ME

I WILL PREFER YOU TO DO ALL PARANORMAL THINGS WITH ME, I CAN TAKE IT, DUDES, YOU SEE, I USED TO ASK PEOPLE ON THE STREET

TO KIDNAP ME, MEANING I HATED MY DAD TREATING NE LIKE A LITTLE SHY BOY, AND BECAUSE OF THAT, I BECAME MORE RELUCTANT

TO TALK LIKE A SILLY KID, BUT I HATED MY DAD LAUGHING AT ME,  I TOLD HIM TO SHUT UP, LIKE AN ANGRY ROBBER, DAD AND MUM WERE

SICK OF ME, THEY CALLED IN A POLICEMAN, TO STAND OVER ME, AND IT WAS CLEAR FROM THAT DAY, THEY THOUGHT I WAS NEVER

CUT OUT TO BE LIKE THEM, I KNOW, I AM A MESSY KID AN ADULT, I TRIED TO BE NICE TO MUM AND DAD, BY WRITING STORIES OUT OF MY HEAD

AND I STARTED WRITING STORIES OF DESTRUCTION, DAD NEVER LIKED THOSE STORIES, AND TOLD ME, THESE STORIES AIN’T NICE, BUT, ME

I WAS WRITING STUFF OUT OF ME, THE CANBERRA CROWD, EVEN THE YOBBOS, ARE MORE SUPPORTIVE THAN MUM AND DAD, MUM HATED ME USING NAMES

DAD HATED DUDE USED IN STORIES, YOU SEE I CAN’T BE THE (QUOTEY FINGERS) SORT OF MAN, THAT THEY WANT ME TO BE, SURE I NEVER HAD ***

BUT IT WASN’T MUM AND IT WASN’T DAD, IT WAS I WAS GETTING A BAZ FROM KIDS, I AM NO PHEADPHILE OR MEN MY OWN AGE, I AM NOT GAY

I DO GET ERECTED ***** ON WOMEN, BUT MAINLY WITH KIDNAPPING THOUGHTS, AND I AM NO KIDNAPPER, AND BRIAN WAS SAYING ALL THIS STRAPPED TO A ROLLERCOASTER

GOING UP AND DOWN UP AND DOWN JUPITER, AND PAUL BERENYI, WAS ALSO SCARED, BUT SEEING HE WAS DEAD, HE DIDN’T HAVE TO REPASY HIS DEBT

YOU SEE PAUL BERENYI, KEPT TRYING TO GET THE POSTER FROM MY TV WEEK, AND ALSO HE PUT HIS HAND ON MY SHOULDER, ON AN AREA WHERE IT HURTS LIKE ANYTHING

AND HE SHOWED INTEREST IN A SCHOOL PROJECT, JUST TO PUT A DRAWING PIN UP MY ***, AND I HATED THAT, MIND YOU, IT DID STOP, BUT I DON’T WANT TO

START IT UP AGAIN, SO WHAT I AM DOING IS HELPING THE HOMELESS GET INTO HOMES, LIKE THE CANBERRA REX HOTEL AND TURN IT INTO HOMELESS HOTEL

AND PUT A BAR AND BISTRO, AS WELL AS DOCTORS AND DENTISTS AND LAUNDRY ROOMS ROUND THE CLOCK CLEANING CARE AND CHEAP ROOM SERVICE

AND AS OSAMA BIN LADEN AND RONNIE BIGGS, TOOK PAUL BERENYI AND BRIAN ALLAN TO SYDNEY, AND CAUSE THOSE VIOLENT STORMS, THE WORST OF IT IS OVER

AND BRIAN’S KIDNAPPER IS DYING, AND PAUL BERENYI AND BRIAN ALLAN WENT BACK TO THE SUN, WILL THEY BE SAVED BY THE POWERS OF ATHENA
YOU SEE I ONCE PREFERRED TO BE A HOOLIGAN, TO AVOID GETTING TEASED



YOU SEE YOU SHOULDN’T DO THE CRIME, IF YOU CAN’T DO THE TIME

YOU SEE I SHOULDN’T TREAT ME LIKE A KIDNAPPER OR HOOLIGAN IF YOUR NOT PREPARED TP MUCK FAMILY FOR ME

YOU SEE PLAYING COOL FOR FAMILY PEOPLE WITH A FEAR OF THEM TEASING YA

AND MY ONLY SOLACE OS TO BE A HOOLIGAN, SAYING, YOU ARE A LITTLE FAMILY KID

TEASING THE COOL HOOLIGAN IN ME, YOU DO WOOSEY FAMILY GAMES

WHILE I PLAY WITH THE BIG DUDES BY THROWING BEER BOTTLES ON SCHOOL ROOVES’

YOU SEE I LIKED THE SOLACE OF A HOOLIGAN, BECAUSE I WAS BEING PROTECTED

FROM BEING TREATED LIKE A WOOSEY FAMILY KID, BEING A WOOSEY IN EVERY STRETCH OF THE IMAGINATION

I WANTED REALLY TO BE A BIG FAMILY PERSON, BUT THEY CAN’T UNDERSTAND

THAT I DON’T WANT TO BE A LOSER, MAN, I WANT TO BE A HOOLIGAN, CAUSE, I THREW BEER CANS ON ROOVES, MAN I’M COOL

AND CRACKING BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE ROADS, MAN I’M COOL

I WAS A BIT OF A TEASER IN THE CLUB, MAN I’M COOL

YOU SEE I GO OUT TO BIG NYE RAVES, WHILE MY YOUNG MATE GROWS UP TO QUICKLY, MAN I’M COOL

I PLAY COOL FOR FAMILY KIDS PLAYING WITH THEIR FAMILIES, MAN I’M COOL

I STOLE A HAT FROM GRACE BROTHERS, MAN I’M COOL

I TEASED MY DADDY, ONLY BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW MUCH MY DAD CARED FOR ME

I NEVER UNDERSTOOD HIS PARENTING SKILLS, HE WAS A GOOD DAD, I NEVER UNDERSTOOD IT, SO I SAID TO MYSELF

YOU NEVER TEASE A SON OR DAUGHTER, UNLESS YOUR SON OR DAUGHTER CAN HANDLE IT

YOU SEE DAD WAS TEASING ME, BUT I THOUGHT SAYING I WAS A HOOLIGAN GETS RID OF THIS AWFUL TEASING

I KNOW DAD, WASN’T REALLY TEASING ME, HE THOUGHT I WAS LOVING BAD THINGS

BUT TELLING ME TO EAT NICELY OR CALLING ME A FOOL, DOESN’T DO ANYTHING

OR LAIGHING AT ME DOESN’T WORK EITHER, HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE A DAD,

BUT I LOOKED AT HIM AT BEING A AWFUL TEASER, FINE, I MIGHT NOT LOOK STRONG, BUT THIS CAN HYPE PEOPLE UP

I LIKED HOW DAD, STOPPED THESE STUPID SITUATIONS, I HATED ME AND DADS LITTLE FIGHTS

I WAS TRYING TO DEFEND MYSELF, I DON’T WANT TP LIVE IN CANBERRA IF I HAD ENOUGH MONEY

TO LIVE ANYWHERE ELSE, I DON’T WANT TO GO TO THE DENTIST, I HATE BEING TREATED LIKE A FIST FIGHTER

I AM A LIFE FIGHTER, I AM PREPARED TO RIDE AROUND ON A SCOOTER, RATHER THAN DIE, SHY

NOTHING CAN **** BRIAN ALLAN, I WILL FIGHT FOR LIFE, CAUSE I LOVE LIFE, I LIVE LIFE LIKE IT’S ONE BIG ADVENTURE

I KNOW DAD CARED, BUT, REALLY, WHETHER I CAN FIGHT OR NOT LAUGHING AT SOMEONE WHO IS POOR IS NOT CALLED FOR BAZ BOY

I DON’T LIKE FIGHTING USING FISTS, THAT IS FOR LOSERS OR PEOPLE WHO ARE HAVING PROBLENS

I WANTED TO CHANGE DAD, CAUSE HE WAS MY DAD, I UNDERSTAND MY BROTHER AND MATES

BUT I CAN’T UNDERSTAND DAD, HE WASN’T REALLY SYMPETHEDIC TO MY NEEDS AS A DRUNK

AND I HATED THE VOICE, MY BROTHER WAS LIKE DAD, AND I AM TOO WOOSEY TO BE LIKE DAD

UNLESS YOU TELL WHAT YOUR PROBLEM WAS, WELL I’LL TELL YA

MY PROBLEM WAS, I HATED HOW DAD, WANTED TO TEASE WITH THE ADULTS

YOU SEE, I PUNCHED HIM, SOMETIMES SO VERY HARD, I HATED BEING TREATED LIKE An IDIOT

OR A LITTLE WOOSEY FOR LIFE, DAD TRIED TO HELP ME, BUT BECAUSE MY BROTHER REALLY HELPED DAD GET HIS WAY A BIT

I NEVER WAS GOOD ENOUGH TO DAD, AS LONG AS I WORKED AND NEVER COMPLAINED, DAD IS HAPPY

BUT AS SOON AS I STARTED TO BREAK THE FAMILY CODE, DAD SAID YOUR STILL A LITTLE SHY BOY, BRIAN

YOU SEE I HATED BEING TREATED LIKE A LITTLE SHY BOY OR A LITTLE WOOSEY

DAD SEEMS TO LOVE TEASING PEOPLE WHO HAS PROBLEMS WITH  VOICES

AND I WAS TRYING TO TALK TO DAD AND MUM, AND THEY SPENT THE WHOLE TIME PLAYING WITH THEIR FUCKEN MOBILE PHONES

AND I SAID CAN YOU PLEASE STOP, HOW WOULD DAD FEEL IF I DID THAT TO HIM, I DID DAD HATED IT, LIKE WHEN I ACCEPTED BEING A SLOB

YEAH I AM NOW FEELING HAPPY ABOUT BEING A SLOB, AFTER DAD, DECIDED TO PLAY WITH HIS MOBILE PHONE

LIKE THE RICH ARROGANT DUDE HE WAS, HE NEVER SEEMED TO UNDERSTAND ME. I DIDN’T AS FOR FUCKEN SCHITZOPHRENIA, ****

AND DAD IMPLIED HE ONLY PREFERS THE PEOPLE WHO ARE COOL, IF THE PERSON, HAD MOJO ISSUES, DAD LOOKED DOWN ON THEM

MAKING THEM FEEL LIKE A LOSER, I TOLD DAD, YOUR A LOSER, YOU ONLY LIKE CHRIS, YOU TOLERATE ME CAUSE I AM YOUR SON

I MIGHT HAVE FUCKEN SCHITZOPHRENIA, AND I WILL NEVER BE EVER AS COOL AS YOUR PRECIOUS CHRIS

I KNOW, YOU CARED FOR US, IN THE SMALL PICTURE, BUT WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME MOVING TO ADELAIDE ONE DAY

I WANTED TO GET AWAY FROM MY PARENTS, CAUSE I AM NOT LIKE THE ****, WHO SUPPORT PARENTAL RIGHTS

MAYBE THAT IS WHY I AM NOT A PARENT MYSELF, DAD, NEVER LOOKED AT ME AS BEING A COOL PERSON

I HAD TO FUCKEN BEHAVE, I DON’T DO BEHAVING, I DO PARTYING

MUM AND DAD HATED ME TELLING THEM MY NAME AT THAT NYE CONCERT IN MERIMBULA

BUT I DID THAT, ON THE OFF CHANCE, I CAN BE FAMOUS, THE MESSIAH SAID, ALL PARENTS ARE LIKE THAT

WORRYING AND WORRYING, LIKE A PACK OF MOTHER HEN’S

I CAN’T HELP IT, IF I LIKED HOW THEY ACTED, AROUND THE TIMES WE FIGHTED, THEY WERE COOL THEN

PLEASE *******, I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT MY MUM NOW, SHE DOESN’T WANT TO BE LITTLE COOL

LIKE SITTING ON THE COUCH, THAT IS WHY I NEED TO BE REFORMED

UMMMMMMM REFORM BRIAN ALLAN   UMMMMMMMMMM BRIAN ALLAN IS NOW REFORMED

WELL, NOT YET, BUT, I WANT TO RID STUPID VOICES, OF EVERYONE TREATING ME LIKE A BABY

TO FUCKEN LEAVE MY HEAD, I DON’T WANT TO BE A BABY, I AM A GROWN UP, WHO IS CREATIVE

UMMMMMMMMM    I AM A CREATIVE ADULT  UMMMMMMMM I DON’T WANT TO BE TOUGHENED UP

UMMMMMMMMM I AM A ARTIST AND A WRITER AND A YOUTUBE ****** AND ENTERTAINER

UMMMMMMMMMM I AM A CREATIVE ADULT, TO GROW UP TO BE COOL, MAN

I HATED DAD TREATING ME LIKE A LITTLE YEAH MATE YEAH KID, AND I HATED PAT DOING THAT TOO

BUT UMMMMMMMMM THE ONLY ADULT I AM IS A CREATIVE ADULT, DUDES, I AM A CREATIVE MAN UMMMMMMMMMM

AND 1 2 3 4 DO THE SCHITZOPHRENIC, JUST BECAUSE YOU WORK DOESN’T MEAN YOUR NICE

YOU SEE WITH MEDICATION I CAN BE NICE, OH YEAH MATE YEAH, I AM SCHITZOPHRENIC

1 2 3 4 DO THE SCHITZOPHRENIC, I WANNA PARTY, LET ME HANG OUT

THE MEDICATION I TAKE, CAN REALLY REFORM ME, OH YEAH MATE YEAH I AM SCHITZOPHRENIC AND PROUD OF IT

YOU SEE, I HATE BEING TREATED LIKE A CRAZY COWARD, CAUSE I AM NOT A COWARD, I AM A FAMILY PERSON

WHO LOVES LIFE, AND LIVES LIFE TO THE FULL

I LIVE LIFE LIKE IT’S ONE BIG ADVENTURE, AND I HELP PEOPLE ONE BY ONE, THE BUDDHIST WAY, EVERY BLADE OF GRASS

I AM THE COOLEST DUDE IN CANBERRA, WHO HAS SCHITZOPHRENIA

ONLY RICH ARROGANT WITH NO REGARD FOR POOR MAN WELFARE WOULD TEASE ME

CAUSE I HELP POOR PEOPLE, DUDE, I AM POOR, BUT I AM PLANNING A TRIP TO ADELAIDE FOR NEXT YEARS NEW YEARS

I CAN’T CHANGE PEOPLE BUT I CAN CHANGE THEIR OPINIONS OF ME, I AM COOL, NOT SHY, OK ****

WITH THESE PROBS, YOU UNDERSTAND WHY I WANTED TO BE A HOODLUM, OK
There is a great party on Neptune and
Brian Allan brought two mates who were
Ken Kingsley and bob broadsmith and
They started off drinking heaps of methane and dAnced to Judas Priest
And yeah it was fun as ken took his clothes off for cilla black and said do you want to go on a blind date and cilla said ok why not and then Sam kinison came in and sAng wild thing you make my heart sing and it matesmy heart come out of your body it will make you wanna scream and then Sam sang take your clothes off to belinda emmett and
Belinda was left mesmerised and then they sang along to nothin but a good time
Not a dime I cannot pay my rent
It
I can barely make it through the night
It's Saturday night and It!'s party night
So we have to figure out how to make my ends meet and baz boy chucked a methane smoothie all over us and said yeah I will show you cool because I did
That a All for mummy to make her feel better and now I will
methane all over you Brian right now and Marilyn Monroe sang a look in your eyes can be quite continental but diamonds are a girls best friend
You heavy metal music is taking over and I an Emily Symons and Brian dressed up as Santa and said August fool it's not Christmas it's just a regular party
And slim fudty sang I would love to have a beer with Patrick I would love to have a beer with pat we drink in moderation and I am calling him up here in 5 seconds flat we drink in the town and country where the atmosphere is great we love to have a beer with Patrick cause he is our mate and I would love to have a beer with pauly I would love to have a beer with Paul
We would sit in our plsvet and listen to kiss to our ears bleed we drink in the tosh and country
Where the atmosphere is great
I would love onto have a beer with pauly cause he is our mate you see now we have Robert palmer with all his dancing girls the lights Re pk but your not home you see the afterlife is so much fun
Everyone is really having fun even conservos Luke Margaret thatcher and robald reageb as I stic my finger am up saying stic it where it fits and you might as well face it your addicted to money
And everyone was tipping met gab on each other and Brian said I have to leave, U.S. Know things to do
But this is where you dead people can be so uplifting
There is a great party on Neptune and
Brian Allan brought two mates who were
Ken Kingsley and bob broadsmith and
They started off drinking heaps of methane and dAnced to Judas Priest
And yeah it was fun as ken took his clothes off for cilla black and said do you want to go on a blind date and cilla said ok why not and then Sam kinison came in and sAng wild thing you make my heart sing and it matesmy heart come out of your body it will make you wanna scream and then Sam sang take your clothes off to belinda emmett and
Belinda was left mesmerised and then they sang along to nothin but a good time
Not a dime I cannot pay my rent
It
I can barely make it through the night
It's Saturday night and It!'s party night
So we have to figure out how to make my ends meet and baz boy chucked a methane smoothie all over us and said yeah I will show you cool because I did
That a All for mummy to make her feel better and now I will
methane all over you Brian right now and Marilyn Monroe sang a look in your eyes can be quite continental but diamonds are a girls best friend
You heavy metal music is taking over and I an Emily Symons and Brian dressed up as Santa and said August fool it's not Christmas it's just a regular party
And slim fudty sang I would love to have a beer with Patrick I would love to have a beer with pat we drink in moderation and I am calling him up here in 5 seconds flat we drink in the town and country where the atmosphere is great we love to have a beer with Patrick cause he is our mate and I would love to have a beer with pauly I would love to have a beer with Paul
We would sit in our plsvet and listen to kiss to our ears bleed we drink in the tosh and country
Where the atmosphere is great
I would love onto have a beer with pauly cause he is our mate you see now we have Robert palmer with all his dancing girls the lights Re pk but your not home you see the afterlife is so much fun
Everyone is really having fun even conservos Luke Margaret thatcher and robald reageb as I stic my finger am up saying stic it where it fits and you might as well face it your addicted to money
And everyone was tipping met gab on each other and Brian said I have to leave, U.S. Know things to do
But this is where you dead people can be so uplifting
Mateuš Conrad Apr 2018
to follow up on a citation from

art & fear by
david bales and ted orland:

/ it seems that while the “quantity” group
was busily churning out piles of work -
and learning from their mistakes —
 the “quality” group had sat theorizing
about perfection, and in the end had
little more to show for their efforts
than grandiose theories and a pile of dead clay. /

imagine asking a mozart to appeal
to both a quality and a quantity,
point being,
    quality will always remain
POP... while quantity will shut itself
off in  king crimson song,

    take what you're given
and stop acting like a pretentious
communist that even the Soviets would
have hated, as this overt censor
who censored so much,
   that he turned an ancient oak
into a toothpick, and not 10,000,000
packets if not more...

much easier to call in a
quality surveyor when it comes
to carpentry: you sit on a chair
and it doesn't break:
     give us 10,000 more replicas...
"apparently" rushed...

a mirage of qua (as being)
      and quo (where?)

        almost indistinguishable
after enough practice, and,
patience... but some much for these
little words...

             that sequence of a tree
made into a single toothpick?
     loony toons,  foghorn leghorn
episode...

  quality is a spare
   of what dedication to quantity
arrives at...
           quality is a byproduct
not the product itself...
        
don't ask me how capitalism rings
a bell, seeing how it's exhausted
       in pumping out quality,
and quantity simultaneously,
having to tap into a.i. & algorithms
because, apparently:
   human creativity is without
an imagination lax,
there are, apparently,  
   25,000 ways of reinventing
the hammer and the nail...
  given that the fear of the hammer
and the he sickle disappeared...
  Columbus discovering America
in a ******* can of sardines...
woo, hoo, honk honk.

sarcasm is not an easy humour,
witty people hardly notice
that wit and sarcasm are the Hanzel
und Gretyl of the comedy spree...
dry, martini, fixations on the image of:
getting away with easing out
a wet ****,  only because attired
in what Rene Magritte would wear
when painting.

oh wait... **** **** ****....

   both instances mind th3 qua-
prefix...
     mind you, etymology of suffixes
with a strong latin prefix?
not my strong point...
   -lity contra -ntity are not my strong...
     what point of intrest
and: the most certain points
worth debating over?

we are summoned by the fickle nature
of: whatever comes our way,
much easier had it been but
a crude snout of a dog
with only a howling or a barking
to emerge from within:
so curse the mind the tongue the thumb,
and the spine,
    or however else you might
want to evaporate expanding the senses
and not clinging to these pillars...

thing about quantity...
    beggars at the feet of spontaneity,
never for a minute in need of:
attempting to perfect a square...
beside a rhombus?
       a bonsai everest of cow dung,
towed by 12 horses and one donkey,
dubbed: Γołgoθa -
      seems Pythagoras was an Aussie...

what with the up-side down right angle
like a swallow nest on a barn...

******* yob mismatched: oi oi oi...

how else to end it if not
with John Frusciante?
        
                       it really takes but one song
to cite, warm tape...
           THAT CHORUS, IZ...
            how do I put it...
the point of helium trapped in a ******?
    the point of
   mixing the dentist high on helium
and the patient high off nitrous oxide?
I mean, **** me,
   is it to remain of matter of
hiding a higher realism in unachievable
cartoon sketches?
    
             a theological dull and grey,
any day, compared to
man's phantasmagorical taste of colour
to revitalise urbanity with
a Braille reading of Vivaldi scores...
no clichés at this point,
even with the behemoths,
given the already exhausted and fly-riddled
moonlight sonnata...

hell, red hot chilli peppers, ooh, pop,
john frusciante, not carvel...
warm tape chorus:
  remnants of...
     pierdolone, baz'groły...

           since how can the artist be
not deemed a pretentious ****,
if he perfects by sole theorising,
and not by making a *** note...
    take an artist and a carpenter...
    after a while the two concepts
are indistinguishable,
a bit like reading the tedium that
is the overburdened suicide explanation
lost in Zen and the art of motorcycle
maintanence
...

   QUA, sure, but then what?
        10000000000 contra 1.0000000001?
numbing terminology,
contra: litany prospectus?
          
elsewhere in the discussion,
waiting rooms with jazz, rather than muzak
playing in the background,
qua-qua intersectionability...
     no categorical imperative,
or an imperative to build walls and learn
to juggle a a third entry,
a joker sly upper-hand...
    quality,  and quantity,
         are indistinguishable in jazz...
muchos gracias...
   and your, ******* gospel choir
dance moves and jazz and all
the other encyclopedia entries of
black...
    highschool,
         black girls inventing cat fights,
and when vaseline cream first came
in contact with, afro.
Cody Penn Sep 2018
Complain about my life to internet strangers in an effort to get sympathetic comments that allow me to justify my antisocial behavior that creates these situations where I feel invisible in the first place.

Let’s be honest Madeline, this is a small sample size we are working with here. You said “Hello” to three people and they didn’t respond.

Maybe you could try again?
Maybe say it louder?
Maybe swap up the strategy, and smile and say hello at the same time?
Maybe, just maybe, the problem is that you cherry pick and construct these situations to build a narrative that absolves you from any responsibility for your own happiness.

“They didn’t say [hello] back.”
Why does your happiness revolve around getting the attention of a passerby?

Do you want to know why those people are smiling and you aren’t?
Because you chose not to.

Happiness is a choice.
But if your eyes always focus on the pessimistic view you’ll just sit and stew. And you’ll write lackluster poetry to boot. It takes work to be happy, and it starts with yourself. Try looking at the bigger picture, broaden your perspective, and it’ll help.

Instead of people ignoring you, just remember they are human, and are busy too. Instead of forcing happiness from missed opportunities, just look elsewhere, there’s more fish in the sea. Instead of doing weird manipulative assessments by creating fake instagram accounts, just go outside and meet people. Instead of pretending you’ll never find love, (although your use of “probably” implies you already doubt yourself) go seek it, it isn’t just going to fall into your lap. Instead of worrying about statistical stereotypes involving people assuming you don’t like spicy food, just tell them you’d prefer it spicy and move on. Instead of wondering why people are “idiots,” and blaming them for your own shortcomings, do the thing you want so desperately, empathize with them, and learn to forgive them for their mistakes.

Life is made up of moments, “sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end it’s only with yourself.” (Baz Luhrmann’s “Everybody’s Free [to Wear Sunscreen]”)
This poem is a response to the Poem of the Day for September 17th, 2018 titled “The Things I Do in A Day” by Madeline Thetard.
Hooria Iftikhar Jul 2021
Na khush *** na udaas ***,
Baz khali *** aur khamosh ***.....!
Did anyone understand?
...Ali četvrti deo, pod nazivom "O čovekovom robovanju", posvećen je drugom delu čovekove prirode – strastima.
Sa strastima se sve komplikuje. Ali baz njih ništa ne vredi.
To je ono kad razum kaže "ne" – ali uzalud.
Kad imate osećaj da srljate u neminovnu propast, ali ne možete ništa da sprečite.
Mnogo je greha, bola i zla na tom putu, mnogo je povređenih i nesrećnih.
Ljubav? Da li ljubav iskupljuje? Da li se možete opravdati ljubavlju, makar pred svojom savešću?
KOS je priča o nemogućoj i nedopustivoj ljubavi.
Naravno, sve ima svoju drugu stranu. Opravdanja su kratkog dometa, i ne kažem da ne treba suditi. Ne kažem ni da treba oprostiti.
U pozorištu, u drami, jednostavno imate tu privilegiju da ne morate zauzeti konačan stav. Možete se samo prepustiti tom svima poznatom osećaju kad Vas osećanja snažno vuku u vrtlog iz kojeg nema izlaza. Kad Vas najdublji unutrašnji osećaj istovremeno svom snagom vuče u dva suprotna smera.
Konačno, svi smo tu, na istom mestu, svi smo zajedno uhvaćeni u istu klopku sadašnjosti, zaglavljeni u istom tesnacu stvarnosti, sa svojim okrutnim žudnjama, i svojim smešnim nemogućim snovima.
KOS je priča o ljubavi koja je otišla u nemogućem smeru, a JESENJA SONATA je pričao o uzaludnoj ljubavi. Izuzetnost, slava i uspeh često ne donesu sreću. Naprotiv: čak i obična svakodnevno neophodna ljudska toplina može postati nedostupna i nedohvatljiva. Možete biti sasvim drago i pristojno ljudsko biće. Konačno, ima li iko pravo da zahteva više od nas? I možete imati sasvim ljudska topla osećanja vezanosti za nekoga, i želeti mu sreću, i raditi sve što je u Vašoj moći. I onda ćete se neminovno susresti sa saznanjem koliko je sve to beznadežno nedovoljno, i kako nikad nećete uspeti da onome ko Vam je sve, Vi budete makar nešto...
Suočiti se sa izvesnošću da je sve uzalud, i da nikad ništa neće biti dovoljno, a pri tom ne podleći gorčini, osvetoljubivosti ni pakosti, nego ostati jednostavna, topla i susretljiva ljudska priroda – to je neprimetna uzvišenost neprimetnog malog čoveka.
A niko od nas nije dovoljno velik da bi imao pravo na bezdušnost.
Zato ponavljam, ne kažem da ne treba suditi, ne kažem da se mora oprostiti. Samo preporučujem da bez kalkulacija zaronimo u te uzburkane vode ljudskih osećanja, i da prepoznamo sebe u drugom i drugog u sebi.
Neće škoditi, a možda poneko od nas stvarno postane bolji, veći i lepši iznutra.
Hey little spaz boy
You know you are having problems
You little spaz boy
You are as spastic as they come
Oh yeah little spaz boy
Please keep teasing the ******
Please leave him alone you see
This little spaz boy
A boy who is itchy from within
You see it don’t mean a thing
When he can’t do anything good
But the little spaz boy
Runs up and down singing a song that’s great
He started being spastic from the age of 8
But deep down he is my mate
You are a spaz boy maaan
For the rest of your life
You see he tried to be a hooligan to be left alone
But that never worked because
He was getting teased all day long
Hey little spaz boy
People find it’s fun to tease him
You little spaz boy
Just wants to muck around
And not be an adult you see
This little spaz boy
Is such a baz boy
He could be ******* as sin
This little spaz boy
Really needs to get in the shower cause he is a bit smelly
And everybody thinks he is
But that little spaz boy
Loves life better than his bullies
sofolo Jun 2023
My Chrysler was a survivor. Hidden piles of broken glass and leather seats split to foam. Summer of ‘99 and sailing down a gravel road named after a tree and a stone. And when we came to a stop, the dust did not. Meanwhile, the radio implores me to get it back 2 good.

I drag my sneakers with white socks pulled up to the shin to the only lonely structure on this stretch of land. A pole building painted ivory and evergreen. It’s mostly empty and smelling of raccoon **** and rusted metal. I grab the machete from the bench and get to work.

My squinted gaze is locked on the acres of horseweed ahead as I dramatically roll my eyes and walk down a freshly mown path. The unending task of the swing and the hack. Piles of severed green. My dad might call this agricultural TLC, but I am feeling very unpretty.

I distract myself from the labor with my Sony Walkman—mustard gold. She’s got EXPMAX technology with 40-second shockproof memory. The headphones move from my sissyneck to my sissyears and I’m pulled by a derelict wind to anywhere other than my own body.

That is, until the blade hits bone. My kneecap is now split in half by a sanguine smile. Its teeth of bubbling fat laugh at how my husky body runs. Its small mouth pouring its way down my calf. My sock, now a magician, is changing colors with effortless conviction.

The panic carries me down the street. Bless the neighbors and their butterfly bandages. Bless the glass of lemonade and a ring to my mother. Bless this memory buried deep under scar tissue purple and pink.

I now realize my first car and I had something in common. All this blood and gristle and glass needed an impact to be set free. Baz Luhrmann told me to be kind to my knees. But I blame it all on the ******* horseweed.
Qualyxian Quest Feb 2023
Sometimes it's the unusual, the coincidental,
       the mysterious, the yearning for the
                      Out-of-this-world

For example, curious reader,
Yesterday I was in a bar
Watching Iowa State play Michigan State
                       (basketball)
Drinking a root beer float and thinking
                about Elvis Presley
  (the recent Baz Luhrman movie rocks!)

Precisely as I began to think about Elvis
The camera scanned the basketball crowd
And stopped on a fan dressed as Elvis.

Inside me and Outside me coincided.

Or, once when I was in London
My wife was going after me verbally, relentlessly

Shortly thereafter, I walked out of our rented apartment very softly singing the lyrics
To London Calling by the Clash (what a song!l

         London Calling to the Underworld
Come out of the cupboard you boys and
                                 girls!

I was singing very softly. Nobody near.

But off in the distance a man was crossing the street. Pretty far away, but I could see him.

Possibly he was a street person or homeless.
Don't really know. But my recollection and perception is that he was a bit raggedly dressed.

       He stops in the middle of the street
                Looks at me and says:
  
                They're not coming.

           Then he walks on. Weird.

Did he read my lips? Maybe. Don't know.
            But I was fairly far away
                 and mostly mumbling.


Again, I'm walking down the street
Thinking of Martin Luther King Jr.
Martin Luther, Martin Marty, and my dead Uncle Marty (One man come he to justify.
One man to Overthrow.)

I am walking alone in the side of the road
As cars pass me by.

Just as I begin to to ponder these men
I look down to see a cardboard tag
That says Martin's lying on the ground
(I think it was for Doc Martin's, the shoes)

Once more, inside me and Outside me connect.

Dear curious reader,

     This kind of thing has been happening to me since 2015 or so. It's weird. I can't make it happen and I don't understand what or if it means.

    However, this is recurrent but rare.

Most of my life is boring, ordinary, nonmystical, vuja dey - the feeling that none of this has ever happened before.

           Coincidence and Mystery
           I asked and I received

I am bipolar, have been in hospitals, two nights in jail (domestic violence), have occasional psychosis, take Lithium and Risperidone and Hydroxozine, spent some time in monasteries (Buddhist and Catholic)

                Will I be believed?

— The End —