"backslid" poems
The constant mental banter
Back and forth yes or no
Do I disappoint my love
For a moment of instant gratification?
Do I throw away recovery
Three solid months
Itchy skin and hateful thoughts
For a moment of instant gratification?
And I'm so full of regret
Because it wasn't worth it
And I hurt my best friend
For a moment of instant gratification
A moment of instant gratification
That wasn't even gratifying
Wasn't in the slightest, satisfying
Harboring a moment of regret
For something he won't forget
But I tried in vain to justify
The actions I couldn't dignify
Words that trickled like thorns
Oh how I wish I waited a minute more
And not let their whispers win
Screams rather, as they crawl in
They soothed their shrieks
And gently brushed my cheeks
And convinced me it didn't count
If it didn't bleed on my account
But he held my close and said it did
I can't swallow it, but it's true, I backslid
"But it didn't leave any marks to show"
My mind screams and my heart does echo
"I didn't bleed in the slightest my dear"
Disappointing him is a biggest fear
As immaturity grasps at my soul
I have to accept my repercussions in whole
Three months down the drain
And causing my best friend pain
Not a scar to show for what I've done
But away from me, he'll never run..
Jan 7, 2014
Jan 7, 2014 at 2:43 AM UTC
Friday
as reminder
of how cruel the time.
(Invariability)
Of how intractable the wind and weather.
(Inevitability)
I cry the cry of the reformed mean spirited;
the once-unholy-then-unholy-again;
the backslid.
It's been so long since I've sinned,
come short of the glory,
come at all (costs)
It would feel good to make a fist again.
Please render me in subtle shades
when you paint me into your masterpiece;
barely discernable from the canvas.
A ghost in achromatic acrylics.
May 12, 2018
May 12, 2018 at 12:06 AM UTC
If we should be what we are not
If we should do what we should
Not? Well it will not go very well
With you and your children to be.
Hell my little ones is a perpetual
Self-doubt that one may have under-
Estimated one's guilt combined in
A pride that one has been clever
Enough to think so and can re-
Calculate accurately enough to
To repent adequately and so gain
The righteousness of the good life
Here and salvation in the hereafter.
If only in the wonderful relief that
Comes to one who relenting from
Banging his head against the earth
It does seem so-but wait a moment
But a fraction relieved the sinner
Returns to the grind anxious that
He Has backslid. Children I tell
You none of this real and will never
Happen but in your imagination-
You are good my obedient children
Trust me I would not tell you if it
Were not so and about such things
I do not change my mind. Your
Imagination may still play tricks on
You but this shall be forgotten in
Eternity Now go and play in the
Garden where my love is ever with
You and nothing can ever hurt you.
Sep 16, 2015
Sep 16, 2015 at 4:36 PM UTC