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Where always is I would be...
Always faithful always true
Where always is I would  be
I have not always. been faithful
I have not always been true.  How
Can I expect you to believe me...
When I say I will always love you?
My love has been less than it should
Be.  I am an imperfect man .  Who
Am I judge the sinner.  This then
Is my repentance that I must plea for
Charity for myself and all mankind.
If I were king it would be of kindness
Undeserved born of joyful gratitude
From my cup overflowing.  My flaws
Forgotten then could you believe me:
When I tell you I will love you always

For Old Abe:"With charity for all and malice
towards none..."and David who slew Goliath
And stole Bathsheba
When you have heard the whistle blow
Begins its long silence perhaps you will
Nevers hear it again; so it is with with all
Our precious moments they live in our
Long goodby  that they may be reborn

Till then  sweet nepenthe that makes not
The memory but as one we have yet  to
Know. nor  shall I ever love you more

In our broken places we are made stronger

For Papa   and the one tat got away
Sometimes you have to travel to
The underworld to know what is-
What is ordinarily  not believable.

Early in 1974 I found myself in the
Tenderloin district of San Francisco.
This is the down and out area akin
To New York's  City's  Bowery yet
It has its own distinct character.  I
Belonged there as one of it's newest
Misabthropes.  I had checked into the Y
On Turk Street.  Early in the evening
I went out to look  ove rthe neigborhood
I went down Turk toward Market
Think it was Lyric St  that i turned on-it
Was early dark and about midway down
I came across a man going through a
Trash can.  He seemed to know what
He was doing as he kept pulling out
Sandwiches  cleanly wrapped and uneaten.
It was  as though they had been   just
Left for him.and I thought at the time well
Least I shall not starve as he offered
me one and so we got to talk a little -then
We went back to my  he said
He was going to show me something
When we got there
He pulled a small transistor radio out-
It was bare of its plastic cover; and then
He turned it on and deployed a tool, I
Think a small ***** driver and began
To change the stations with it -changing
Them rapidly.  At first I could not under-
Stand but then I began to hear a sequence
A story.  It was my life with great detail.
It was fully coherent and as I listened I
Do not know how long I understood a
Deep truth that there was indeed more
Much more to the universe than was
Comprehended by my little philosophy.
My friend got up and left my room as
Soon as he had seen I understood what
He had  to shown me; I never saw him again
But-Somehow I knew the Universe had a
Secret auditor of my thoughts and knew
All I had ever done.  Magical was Reality
I knew then that life was strange and I
Was a stranger in the land and given
The gift of knowing it.  Suddenly all the
Miracles of Jesus, all that He did and what

Was done to Him seemed so much easier
To believe-even His death and His rising

But I do not want to say then my life became
Easy  A gift from the underworld has to be
Paid back Just ask the god father or President
Trump.for that matter.  It is not a panacea- that
Is a small town in Florida on the gulf.   I went
Through it once. along the coastal route  
From the  causeway the setting sun
Seemed to speak of a peace that is forever
I wanted to=
Stay but thought I had appointments to keep
-maybe I should have thought better but...
That is life sometimes it shows you somethings-
You can't understand nor the reason why- when
You cannot make proper use of them-  You get
The winning lottery ticket then you lose it.
I guess the Good Book said it best: Lean not
Unto your own understanding but trust  in  God

With your whole heart.. mind and soul an if that
Don't work you can always Give UP but that is
Not so easy either....................God Bess Us
For Still Our Advocate Lives
In the beginning is nothing 'n might have been
Are the same, the origins.of everything.  Like
A locomotive coming down the track in the
Night- before you can hear it makes no sound
Then you hear the whistle and the great thunder
As it goes by till you can't hear it again.  The
Greatness of what is is less than what only migtht
Have been In the beginning.  Everything God
Let be came nothing and like lonely traveler who
Yearns to be home again returns to nothing.  Before
The big bang there was silence and there is its joy
Not forgotten  is what might have been. Something
Tells us not get above our raisin.  What is there to
Have if I cannot have you and I still think about
What might have been when it all seemed possible
So I am not sad to be going back to my beginnings
Long times ago but it seems like only yesterday
What truly should be  actually Is
If we love one another what is war?
The grand illusion that is  defeated .
For men and nations.It shall  not long

Endure.The greater truth is with us
Even now though still it seems so far
Away. For we ever live more by faith
Than we do  know and walk in the
Light of hope when we cannot see-
Towards and in the mystery of love
It is thus our prayers are answered:
Thy Kingdom Come on Earth as it is in
Heaven  That Thy Will be done,  Then
Shall we say it is now and  was always
Have you ever felt that in living
You had failed in some irredeemable
Way  Clinging to  some fundamental
Failure of body and soul-Blame God
That you have not been loved by the
One you loved with all your heart and
Still were not worthy.  Blame'
Die  For He made you and in the end

You are God's failure too It is He who
Abandoned me He must not be left
Uncharged nor can He be denied justice
If He is accused He must be tried for
His crimes against humanity before
He can be sentenced to be abandoned
An abandoned soul an abandoned God
God its His choice at the end of the
Road we will travel together as One
The Way of knowing Love 'n joy; or not
Knowing why we live at all.  I do not
Know if I should curse God and die or
Why I should not. if you  see me 'n not
Help me  in the troubles that drag me
To the grave with  no one I loved caring
And the One who could -doing nothing to
Change things but gave me these words 
I am telling Him I am sorry but it is how I
Feel and how He left me feeling alone,
If I speak wrongly I stand as Job and say to
God I spoke as I did because I knew not.

For Barbara My wife who first led me to Job's story
It  was Job's wife who tired of his lamenting unrelenting
tribulations  told him to: "Curse God and die"  May she
Be in Heaven where as Jesus told us none do marry...
There still we Love as we did en our better dreams
Though our love be uninformed
It is yet the best prayer we have
To offer when seeking gifts from
One greater than ourselves- Are
Our prayers but a child's way of
Speaking- a wish that dares to be
Sincere.  A pleading not of our
Merit but of our desire: offered
Without regard to  imperfections
Of the little petitioner who only
Knows to speak the heart's truth
That is pleasing to the beloved
Even as a baby"s babel is to the
Mother hearing one  that is loved
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