I AM SCARED OF BIG NOISES, IN LIFE, but i don’t want to be scared


you see the dog barks at me i go ahhhhh, leave me alone

you see, i hate when drunken yobbos yell at me, all because i drink their beer

you see i am scared of kids treating my like phedaphile

and i am scared of getting robbed, or mucking with robbers

all getting robbers to muck with me, because i act small for my age

i am scared of getting bullied for what i say

i don’t like people yelling at me, and sometimes i be a little young dude, to stop myself from getting robbed

i am scared if my old life will come back and rip my heart

sometimes i used to be a hooligan so i feel bigger than the family teasers

i was showing dad in the 1990s how i can try to handle teasing

but sometimes i feel the teasers are going to kidnap me to tease me

and i don’t want to be strange, i want to change

i hate when people yell at me saying SHUT UP, TRYING TO BE A YOUNG DUDE ARE YA

i don’t want to get bullied or kidnapped

and when i see a dog, i yell out ahhhhhhh ahhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhh

ahhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhh

same as if someone looked dangerous, you say ahhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhh

ahhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhh

if someone treats me like a hooligan i go annnnnnn i am a family person

i am a family person ahhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhh

The voices in my head are crazy they yell at me
Bark at me scream at me I guess their all the same
I try not to listen it doesn't work they scream
My name, I scream "STOP IT""STOP IT PLEASE ""WHAT DID I DO WRONG" they torment me call out to me
Drive me, crazy what to do what to do
SCREAM!!!!!!!! SCREAM!!! SCREAM!!!!
I look into the fire and see my future
I'm burning, dying and the voices laugh at me, they carry a tone, a tone of jolly, and cruelty,  
The voices yell at me, scream at me
The voices **** me
I can't  be saved
I'm already dead
Their is silence

You spit in my mouth
& I tasted your rejection,
swallowed your disdain,
it pained me
with a healthy dose
of indigestion
& yet I wanted more.

You see darling,
it is a dessert to me
& I’m a *******
for more of
your sweet spittle.

I open & say ahhhhhhhhh…..

Paris pines
for us:

...whines for us.

Lurks outside
our window

like a great big
urban puppy.

We're being held
prisoner

( inside our room )

by a vicious sadistic
flu bug

who refuses to
let us go.

We are missing
David Sirosis's

new spoken
word night.

Indeed, all we have seen
of Paris, is:

the inside of
ROOM 411.

ROOM 411
overlooks that famed necropolis

CIMETIÈRE DE MONTMARTRE.

The dead stand
outside

ROOM 411
...and stare.

And...stare.

Envious of even
our flu-ridden life.

They crowd together
in their stone telephone boxes

like fans
at a Dr. Who convention

who have all come
as the Tardis.

"Come...come!"
they cajole.

"Come...join us as
the glorious dead!"
they plead.

See the great
Nijinksy

leap over a moon.

Offenbach, Berlioz et Degas
act a a celebrated Greek Chorus.

The flu grows weary
let's its...grip...slip &

we escape to
a poetry stage &

suddenly it's
PARIS LIT UP &

I'm on
stage.

A bemused amused
Parisian audience

wondering why
the staggery hairy

Irish post stumbles &

wanders in search of
his words &

carrying all of CIMETIÈRE DE MONTMARTRE
about in his ahhhhh...ahhhhh...ahhhhhhhhhh

....shoooooo....head!

You see on Saturday night
I heard these voices
That the only reason why
People are nice to me
Is because I am dying
So I have to think
This isn’t true
Instead of sweets have celery
You see they have been pushing me down
Waiting for me to die
I wrote a poem about
Being six feet under wouldn’t bother me
But it does, I said that because
I am cool
But the serious thing is
I ain’t dying
I am putting cream on my cellulitis
As well as a pill
There ain’t no itching
No
I ain’t dying
I just need to stop eating crap

No way, no way

It doesn't sound like that

It doesn't matter much

What the cat says to the bat

No no I can't say *** for tat

No way / No way, it's awful but ohhhhhhhhhh!

It's awesome, it's awesome, it is a shy-

That's it. (That's it!) It's a sly weapon ahhhhhhhhhh...

An awesome-shabby thought, is it not?

Throbbing, the fantasy gone mad.

Do you really think

Formless kisses go unseen?

It's not easy to admit I miss-

(What I have not laid hands upon)

Or it's such a bad bad thing- okay

It may not be easy to delay it

No way / I cannot do it

(He who guides forbids me to it)

... What the cat says to the bat

Ohhhhhhhhhh!

Ahhhhhhhhhh...

Cursed be fate, not ever that!

I have an addiction
Oh how i wish it was a work of fiction
I cannot wait to feel my blade
Every time it touches my skin i feel saved.
Sweet bliss, until i am entranced
Twisting, turning, and weaving. Our dance.
We speak only to each other.
Not caring for any other.
Alone, but not alone, with our toxic love.

It makes me feel whole
When i am alone
And i have no home
And live in isolation
It is but a small trade, take and give some.

What is blood and pain,
When you want to be saved?
What sacrifice is too much
When all you want is to be loved.
Toxicity doesn’t matter
When you just want to stop getting sadder.

I CANT
I CANT STOP
THE BLADE
ITS TOO MUCH
THE BLOOD IS ALL AROUND ME
FALLING FALLING
DRENCHING THE GROUND
I NEED HELP
The liquid, it makes a repulsive sound.

AHHHHHHHHHH

ring around the rosie
pocket full of posey
raining raining
we all come back another day

Help meeeee
The insanity is CONTROLLING my brain!
I’m not sure if i already said this
But I’m going IIIINSAAAANEEEE
HA HA HA
I’m gone . . .
But not for long!!!

How can i truly be gone
When this pain just keeps c-c-c-cutting
me . . . off
HA the sky is full
But love is bull
And affection is null
While my mind i duel.

Obsession, Depression
Are wondrous traits.
One will bleed love
The other, hate

There i am, in the hellish hearts
Tortured in agony, becoming art.
Please just
. . .
Just leave me alone
. . .
Alone in the dark

Alone with my heart.

How shattered,
With blood splattered
Crimson on my skin, I’ve been slathered
Trying to put back the pieces that have been scattered.

Am i sane?
Am i still in control of my brain?

Sometimes i feel on charge, the leader.
Other times i feel weak
Looking through my eyes like windows, watching meekly.

Is music an escape?
From my pain?
Is it too late?
Have i lost my brain?

I just want to see the stars.