Blank,
Dead,
Empty,
Your eyes

Look
At
Me
I die

Break
Me
Down
You lie

All
I
See
Your eyes

Breathing isn't something that comes to me
With ease.

Breathing is difficult,
And I forget to do it often.

I'm so wrapped up
In awe,
In anxiety,
In wonder,
In despair,
That I forget that breathing
Keeps me here.

I have to force myself to breathe sometimes.

Because other times the air is too thin,
Or too thick,
And it chokes me.

I have a phobia of asphyxiation,
Which is pretty ironic
Seeing as something always
Takes my breath away.

Silence in me

I walk out
There is darkness and doubt
My friend my enemy both under same cloud
Is there any place that i could be
Or will it be this silence in me forever my only freind in this huge crowd..

I'm sitting here wondering what you think of me.
That I'm weak and spineless. A loser for pushing you the way I did.
I probably am.
I know I'm bad for you, my selfish heart clinging to you like burrs to a cat's tail.
Cast aside when you tire of my presence.
I wrote you music that I sing to myself when I get lonely.
I remind myself that your happiness is more important than my own.
But my dear, losing you might just destroy me.
It might wither me away into nothing.
Like I never existed.
Like I've been broken into tiny pieces.
Small enough to be blown away
like dust in the wind.

Your icy breath brushes my neck
on summer days when no one sees.

I doubt that you ever

belonged to me.
I don't recognize your spirit.

Tell me
what it is you want
and maybe I can set you free.

Looking back at photos of me looking happy
A nice slim figure
No extra weight to carry
No face to be ashamed of

I have a house with no mirrors
Because I get disgusted by myself
When I happen to see a glare in a window
I only feel tears

"I'll call you sometime," he says as leaves.
That will never happen, ive so many times learned
He looked repulsed when he saw me
And my stomach just turned

Even my family feels hopeless
That one day I'll look lean
Around the table aouside we relaxed.
Later They hint I'm too fat
On my fat giant ***, the chair too small where I sat

Diets and cleanses
Jogging and biking is pointless
As fat just seems to add
I just get more sad


Nobody knows in the dressing room I cry
After rejection I sob
After a meal I feel guilty
When I breathe and I live
It seems so silly

But maybe one day I'll be happy and skinny
I won't be alone, eating won't feel like I'm sinning
So the mirrors that I threw out
The pants that are huge
The face disgustingly ugly
The way I look, I have no excuse.

Satan or cupid must hate me
they blind every lover that I see
beautiful eyes never notice me..

days and nights I remain lonely
I grow tired of trying
sleeves wet from crying..

accepting the fact that no one is mines

and may never be....
*yes, love hates me