I present to you a weapon,
an almighty sword called Passion.
I yielded it with pride and glory,
hoping for anyone to claim.
It attracted both angels and ghouls,
and I chose to give it to the latter
because I was an eager fool.
I gave it to the devil with the halo,
and the sword turned against me.
He ceased my time, love and lust.
I gave it all but it was never enough.
He drained my soul dry, and emptied my well,
Passion to my throat, me under his spell.
He threatened to cut me, so I endured,
but the day came and I cut the cord.
I let myself bleed as he released his hold,
here comes the end of a story once untold.

Now this is where something new begins,
the part where I realize I'm ready again,
Here I stand before you with tired arms,
ready to give you what I once gave.
Now that you know what I've been through
and what this blade can ultimately do,
I pray that you take it and use it with truth.
Do what you must, and do what you will,
but I beg of you to keep this in mind,
know that this is what killed me before,
please, just please, don't be unkind.

Every inch of pain and heartache I have suffered,
became cement to build myself the highest walls.
The tears I've cried through seasons and years,
became solidified to build myself a cocoon of deep sorrow.

And I am a big girl now, in a sense that when something
horrifying happens, my first instinct isn't to cry anymore.
Instead, I stare at this imaginary oblivion, thinking how
irrelevant all of this would be, if I jumped down a ledge.

True love is what everybody hopes for, a concept everyone
would eagerly embrace in a second. It's just a pity that
not everyone knows what the repercussions are, if you apply
this love to the wrong person.

You'd think of that ledge again, incessantly, until you finally do it.
You give in to your demons, the past, and your sorrows, you jump.
Unless of course.. you find the right person, before anything else.

Running through fields of green,
Sparks of lonely laughter,
and a gentle wind.

I spin around and spin some more,
until I wake up dazed,
on the cold hard floor.

Tears greet me with the same formalities,
a reflection laughs at my insanity.
I try to stand and I shake and squirm,


Only to end up wriggling, like a dying worm.

In the dark and I can't see,
gave you the candle,
you were the oxygen,
And now I can't breathe.

The fire that sparked
consumed us whole,
I thought you'd stay
but you killed my soul.

Amidst the cosmic planes,
I took in your being,
tried to take me back,
but I felt us dying.

Our love became a star,
Long dead and long gone,
still high on its fumes though,
Awaiting, a new dawn.

I dug up a hole where I stashed every memory of you I ever had.
You see, I started doing this ever since you casted on me a storm where betrayal kept pouring down, relentlessly and mercilessly.

Not wanting to get wet again, I figured that if I dug a hole and slowly buried bits and pieces of you in it, I'd summon the courage to forget you and leave you before another storm came around.

Days passed, and the hole got bigger, the things I thought I'd get rid of, lodged themselves deeper, and in all that time spent digging and burying, I never left.

"Any minute now, I'll show you what a heartbreak feels like,"
I smirked, thinking I was the smart one for once.

Where I thought I was ahead of, you've long accomplished and another storm came around, this time with the wrath of its friends, tornados and cyclones.

It took me by surprise as I frantically searched for your face, but you already saved yourself, while I, sought to take refuge in the hole.

I stayed there for months clutching onto those memories as if my life depended on it. I survived on the idea of your smell, your laughter and your kisses.

Then one day, I hear you calling out my name and it made me cringe.
I climbed out of the hole, and I could see that the storm had long passed and the sun was shining.

"******* it, what the hell are you still doing here?"
You look baffled, almost annoyed.

"Uhm,"
Your face barred me from words and I must've looked like an idiot.

Silence pursued and that's when all my emotions came coming at me like a million knives down my throat.

"Didn't you come to get me back?"

A look of pity washed all over your face and your eyes were downcast. You turn your back to me and said,

"I came to reset my karma, I got you out of that mess, it's time you get out of ours."

You walked away without even looking back. With fists clenched, I climbed back into the hole, I lay there and I closed my eyes.

"You didn't reset nothing."


// END //

I don't have a friend to call my own,
and perhaps this is a flaw of mine.
To kick them out way before
they even think to go in.

Fearless and independent, is what I believe I am,
and I am what I think I am,
however, I am also what i deny myself to be,
and that being just a tad bit lonely.

Lonely, or alone, I still can't quite decide,
but my effervescent spirit, begs to differ,
she enjoys my company and so does my shadow,
I'm but a pill not many will swallow.

So until I can find other hard-headed pills,
I will be contented living in this reality,
sipping tea or coffee, depending on my mood,
thinking of words to praise this inner anguish.

Until I can see a clear blue horizon,
faces smiling back me,
with an aura that could only be created from
inside jokes, memories and fun;

Until I can wake up to the light of day,
without longing for my hopes and dreams
as anxiety seeps into my bones,
slowly but surely making its way into my heart;

Until I can find myself, driving or even taking the bus,
to go to the place where I can do what i love most,
and at the same time call it a "job".
Oh, just even thinking about it almost hurts;

Finally, until I can come home tired and sweaty,
and I take off my clothes, jump in the shower,
to join the man who wouldn't want anything,
anything at all, than to call me his;

Until then.... Oh until they find me,

I will walk this road with my shadow.
I will smile at the fortunes of others,
even though it will **** me just a little bit inside.
Even then, I will keep my held high,
giving sweet Optimism a kiss on the cheek.

For sooner if not later, the warrior in me will prevail,

and I, will finally get my time under the sun.