enamored eyes, bulging with trust, lay me
down to sleep and keep me protected in
ten thousand layers of love

flaky biscuits and delicious, country-sausage
gravy, or the world's very best lasagna
smile warmly as I come home from work

soul-mate -- not just a quaint concept

So much time has passed yet the memories seem to last forever
Flashes of what was comes pounding at my door begging me to come back
Part of me craving, longing to return to what killed me
The strength of my mind falters with every passing glance
I can't help but think maybe I'll be happy If I give into cruel temptation
To be strong is a definition that gets mixed up in my head
Never knowing if I can ever escape the grips of illness
Do I give in and give up or do I close my eyes and walk away

Some stories are frozen in time,
           not even the strongest of flames can melt them*.

Why taunt me when I'm happy
Why remind me when I forget
Why touch me when I feel content
Why torture me when I'm strong
Why should I even try to hide from you torturous grip
Holding me against my will and suffocating me with my thoughts
Why even run
Take me to the depths of despair

There is beauty in everything we see.
In every inch of every tree.

There is beauty in blades of grass.
Always growing while seasons pass.

There is beauty in the soil we spread.
To grow the things not in our head.

There is beauty in all of our minds.
We think the things we aren't able to find.

There is beauty in all of our hearts.
Seen with change that passions start.

We often are too worried about material things.
To notice the beauty that nature brings.

I believe that we could do it
If we really wanted to
I could really fall in love with you,
If I let myself.

And I bus home
On a rainy day
through the blurry embers of autumn
smeared on the Greyhound window
Remembering how she and I
Walked back after that movie
Our breath crystallizing in the wind
But barely breathing
Full of reverence
and sweet sisterhood
the cinnamon bun midnight
and soft whispers
of the life we used to have together.
Bury your sins beneath the heather
and hibernate in hypotensive hallucination
a final hallelujah
of appreciation
for the gifts that were ******
so prematurely in our arms
Straight from the oven
they burned our unprepared infantile hands
as we stood, indifferent to distant lands
and consumed by our own reality.
Well, we're grateful now.
Grateful in a way that destroys us a little
We both know we both know too much
to ever be completely okay
And who would ever want it any other way?
We smile through hard earned tears
and kiss the make-up off our years
And breathe the air of the country that gave us life
And we don't shy away from the things that make us hurt
And we thank the things that help us heal
And we know that home is never farther than a bus can carry us.

So I think we could do it,
If we really wanted to
I could really fall in love with you,
If I let myself

(Lord knows I need an adventure)

As water is to cleansing rain
and heat as to burning flame,
so are you to me; the same.
My fiery rain.

Fill the gutter of my mind.
Fire the coal your heart has mined.
Burn me to the end of time.
Your fire does reign.

r ~ 4/1/14

i still try to remember
to take my boots off
at the door

my feet are wet
from walking in the rain

i leave laetoli footprints
on the pine floor
-like the first man

trying to walk upright
but can't seem to
get it straight

There's a lot of empty space
in a house
so full of quiet

wishing for thunder.

r ~ 9/5/14