My secret desire is to leave
To walk away from it all
Find a new life
A new family
But when I go to leave
I find new people to love
Not those I live with
But the ones I chose
How am I to walk away from them?
When I find someone to lean on
Why would I leave them?
To leave those
Who make me weak
But with them there
It becomes bearable
But for how long will this last?
Wouldn't it be easier
To just pack up and leave now
They all leave anyways
Why should I care?
Because each time
I hope to have found
One that doesn't leave
That doesn't hurt me

Wake up before dawn
**** it all
Throw on clothes
Stumble to your car
Drive through the down pour
Arrive to a cement prison
Joined by another
Shed jackets and shoes
Grab frozen poles
Work too early in the rain
Put it together
You're done for the moment
In time you turn to her car
She drives
Coffee is essential
You two can't life
But you do anyways
Sitting in the warmth
On cushions you won't have later
You talk and laugh
Just like old times
New place
Different coffee
Same duet
Time to go
Back into her car
You arrive on time
Once out of the weather
You two must venture back out
Running through the puddles
Rain splattering your faces
You stop
Open the door
Walk in
She tells you to  take your pants off
You don't bat an eye
No pants now
You try on clothes
Find what you need
Put pants back on
Back into the rain
You find the buss out of place
Direct in sync
Laugh and continue on
Losing steam now
You two stop running
Walking in time
Everything is together again
Your smiles the same
Back into the warmth
Two peas in a pod
You fill in each others blanks
Knowing looks have returned
Finally you can relax
Only for a bit though
What comes next is even worse
But you both love it

Kiss me quick
before all of this
becomes another dream.

My sanity flies out the open window
My courage spills out of me
To dissipate under the seats
Music my true hope
Bus' full of people who care
No one cares where you're from
No one cares of your past
All that matters is that you're there
Wake up before the dawn
Crowd on to the yellow sardine can
Find that one you want to sleep on
More hours than you care to count
Crushed spaces
With old crushes
Realizations of truths
You love them all and they love you
Hard work in the sun's heat
First time of many
You mess up completely
Even though
Applause surrounds you
And all of you feel invincible
Drama can't **** the happiness
You walk away
Find others to accept you
Three is better than one
More work but it's fun
Now watching you see things
Things that amaze
You learn so much
The heat goes out
Now you are freezing
There is a smile frozen on your face though
Smushed between great people
Watching through new eyes
You're nervous now
Going up with the other two
You stand tall and prepare
How unprepared you were
So much acceleration runs through you
Shoulder to shoulder
You place
You knew this
He accepts and you salute
Later you are ambushed
You feel such a sense of belonging
You all swarm out
Back to the buses you go
Changing in front of them all
You don't care
Neither do they
You once again find the one to sleep on

.
I’m
Drowning with disappointments.
I feel breathless with regrets.
My heart is on life-support.
I’m stupid and very dense
for repeating the same mistake
over and over
again
.




© Pax

A little life is what I asked
A little love is what I wanted
but you give space
Emptiness I didn't need.



© Pax