you can't see it but i am a flame
pulled straight from the matchbox
and struck against it's side
i'd been burning so long
i lost my ability to feel

you can't see it but you are
covered in kerosene
poured over your body
again and again
you bathed in lighter fluid for so long
it started soaking into your skin

i kept you at a distance
never close enough to light you up
because i was too afraid of what may happen
to your smooth, tan flesh

but alcohol is flammable
and as we doused ourselves in it
I felt my body draw towards yours
like a magnet

and when we touched
everything exploded

like you had become a bomb
and i was the tiniest bit of heat
needed to destroy everything
within a ten mile radius

as we laid there
tangled up in each other
the smoke filling our lungs
i couldn't help but think about how
matches become bigger fires
when dropped in kerosene
than they ever could have been
on their own

the sun sets, the plane rises
I wonder if anyone has ever noticed
the city looks like a bright circuitboard
when you're 20000 feet above
something dings outside my headphones
"the captain has turned on the seatbelt sign"
"turbulence ahead"
my ears won't stop popping
and everything is muffled
and there's white noise trapped inside my head
so I close my eyes and breathe
and suddenly I'm back in that dark room
phone pressed to my ear
where everything but his voice sounded foreign
I tell myself to
breathe in
breathe out
breathe around the fact that
every time he looked at you that day
your chest felt less tight
breathe in, breathe out
breathing passion into every word we speak
just like old times
breathe 1 breathe 2 breathe 3 to 10
yes, you're still breathing
he's here again and you're still breathing
anxious breathing over the phone
in the dark revelation
that the wire connecting your phones
is thinner than the wire
connecting your souls
keep your breathing steady, Lauren
as if everything he's saying isn't
leaving you breathless
breathe as if every word that's said
every connection that's made
isn't a dull knife at your lungs
breathe
breathe
breathe
I open my eyes
the city has disappeared below
the plane is shaky
I almost laugh at the irony
"turbulence ahead"

this is you
and this is me
and this is us

this is the late night phone calls
about futures we are too sure of
the midnight drives
across miles we aren't scared enough of

the butterfly kisses
the chubby cheek kisses
the french kisses
on your bed

this is every night
I've called you crying
because my sister is too sick
to function normally

this is every day
you've called me fuming
because your dad makes you madder than you've been in months

this is you
this is me
this is us

this is the feeling I get in my gut
when you tell me you love me
this is the calm that takes over me
when your lips are pressed to mine

this is the tears that well in your eyes
when you look at me for too long
this is the quickness of your pulse
when my hands are in your hair

this is the closeness I feel to you
and you to me
the understanding we share
the laughs
the tears
the beauty
the bad

you, me, us, we
we are not our distance
we are not the miles between us
we are not the doubt
the fear
the complications

we are friendship
we are love
we are us

this is you
this is me
and this is us

when you left
my whole body felt it

my shattered soul
rocked the sky
and the earth fell out
from under me

and all I could think
we're two little words

*"it hurts"