you know she feels like she could collapse;
a house of cards waiting for a child to
sneeze and she quietly self destructs at her
own tempo, a golden castle made of
all your expired dreams waiting in your
laptop's trash cash waiting to be right
clicked and vanish. silky words slip out
of her mouth before she can even hear what
they're screaming these days and when
she look in the mirror she couldn't tell
you who's teeth she's brushing really

you've got a million little stars in your heart and they're all twinkling at me tonight, smiling watching us dance on other sides of the planet singing the same melody we wrote so many moons ago

Il a dit, "au debut t'etais belle"
- C'est bon de te revoir, répondis-je.

reprends moi. Je veux parler français à nouveau Je veux boire du vin et danser toute la nuit avec toi. Je ne pense pas que je t'ai jamais vraiment laissé partir. Vous avez toujours été avec moi.

I can't write the way I used to;
can't think quite the same either

time scares the **** out of me-

you think you know someone
and then they become the old
pal who forgot to call the past
three months.

i just want my bones to collapse like
a folding chair; throw my white flag
as far as my limbs will allow and my
skin seeps into this burnt orange knit
wonderland of comfort that keeps me
sane and commands the sun to get lost
when he tries to yank me back into
reality ;

trains

trains are so **** stressful

i had no idea how much i'd learn to dread
their midnight cries two octaves out of my
singing range; they climb in my ears and
tell me to get lost- go back where i came from
cause I'm not cut out to run with these girls

and the biggest part of me wants to yell back
fine!
fine.
alright;
to the mountains i go

where my mind should be,

animals locked up in cages
waiting to be let out so they too
can play.

"Cheers to Lukie!"
We slammed our beer bottles together, I felt uncomfortable that in a tipsy spontaneous moment he'd yell that, I let it go.
"To Lukie!"
He yelled again and Lukie's face came rushing back into my memory; no ones supposed to die when they're this young.

I realized perhaps he wasn't in the wrong- keeping his spirit alive and present. I've been gone all these months but no one at home has forgotten him; he's not a name to keep tucked away on the bottom shelf. He was our friend. I knew the kid. It's surreal. He was kind, I don't claim to know him like the bunch who surrounded me in Salem tonight by any means, but I knew him. I've been to his house, I know his family, I understand. He was upbeat and in my experience with him, he was never anything but a fun time; he would've wanted us to celebrate I'd imagine.

"To Lukie," I said back.

a durable foundation creates a tall tower;
unfaltering in it's demeanor, anchored at peace.

why do we under romanticize stability?
building a house upon the waves knowing it's a
ticking time bomb before cascading our living
rooms into the ocean to sink beyond our reach.

i don't want my knit orange blanket under the water,
or to feel the roaring sea salt overflow my lungs ever again.

but i get it; wanting to wake with sun kissed skin and
dust the sand off your cheeks while cotton candy skies
shine into our eyes bringing a brand new day to us.

(having *** in the sea could cause a UTI, sand is unpleasantly itchy, and boys are poison, *******. take a shower and go home.)