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Anya Mar 2018
She found that sleeping the night away was the only way to make the echoes in her head quiet down.
And when she woke, she went through her day wishing she was asleep.
Anya Mar 2018
I'm scared.
Scared of what could be
Scared of what has been
Scared of all the moments that never happened.

I'm clinging to this fantasy of peace and togetherness
But the problem is with the mess in this
There's no peace when there's war
There's no love when there's hate
So why did I think I could change all of our fate

The world will break and remain broken
Fear will overpower the change we keep hoping
For
We know we can't make a difference
And all we need is for someone to listen

Throw out the pain and forgive the misfits
Change only comes when you let it
Praise the dedicated
**** the wicked
And push away the bigots

We don't need hate
We don't need violence
We need a reality check
And a hell of a lot of silence
From politicians who don't give a ****

Rather than fight for the people
Lawmakers are willing to let the people die
They **** the dream of a bright future
They ruin the idea of a safe place
Hiding their face behind
Corporations who pay them to keep shut
I need a name for this and I had "The American Nightmare" in mind but I don't like that so help me out por favor
Anya Mar 2018
I love you
And I reiterate things when I mean them.
I love you.

Wholeheartedly and without fear
Completely and utterly overwhelmed with love for you
But I'm lacking love for myself
So if you could
Just maybe
Send a little love my way
And tell me I mean something
Then just maybe
I'll live to say once again
I love you

I love you
  Mar 2018 Anya
Rebel Heart
I saw something today
That reminded me of you
So I picked up my phone
Put in your number
And excitedly waited to talk to you
But with every ring you didn't pick up
My heart dropped lower out of my chest
.
.
"I'm not near my phone right now.. that or I'm purposely ignoring you Shanon just leave a message at the beep.. or don't whatever"
.
Beep
.
.

And it all hit me all over again
The feeling of choking
On my own tears
Drowning out the rest of the world
Because it had been so long
Since I last heard your voice
Yet it seemed it was only yesterday
We were playing street hockey
And making fun of eachother
And talking on the phone all night long
Just to hang out all day after
...
We would talk about our past
And what our future may hold
We talked about our demons
And secrets we never told
...
I remember being so angry
The day you left
After all we've been through
No sorry
No goodbye
Not even a single note
Explaining why
You decided I wasn't enough reason
For you to not climb into that bathtub
And press that razor blade onto your skin
...
How dare the sky rumble
When they took your lifeless body just to throw it in the ground
How dare the others cry
When you didn't make a single sound
How dare the birds still sing
When the world was falling apart
How dare the moon still come up
When nothing in the universe seemed to make sense
How dare they believe poems had to rhyme
How dare they still talk about the good old days
How dare they believe for one second they knew you at all
And most of all
How dare you--

How dare you leave me so broken
How dare you leave me so alone
How dare you call me your best friend
Just to leave me on my own?

...
The darkness lingering around my past
Found a deeper grip around my soul that day
As I watched pieces of my heart
Leave with you
.
.
.
Now I find myself sitting here awkwardly
Finally being able to string these useless letters
Into coherent words
To ask you if you're still listening up in the clouds
How dare you not pick up anymore
When I call you on the phone?



~Who else am I supposed to talk to when late at night my demons won't be put to sleep?
Who else am I supposed to talk to when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and weep?
(Pieces of a very old, 22-page-long, extremely agonizing memoir that brought me to tears because how dare you, with all this pain you carry in your heart, not realize how much you're hurting me before you're even gone? ~BM)

(Front Page 2/18/2018)
Anya Feb 2018
Thank you for leaving me
I’m grateful for how thoughtful you are
And how selfless you’ve been
Honestly, not sure how I could’ve made it through
The past 3 years without you
Thank you for always telling me the truth
Trusting me with your secrets
And sharing your life with me
I’m so glad I had the chance to call you my best friend

With complete sarcasm and best wishes,
-your “best friend”
Anya Feb 2018
Two years
Two ******* years
They always told me to stay away from liars and people who hide the truth
But I never thought I’d have to stay away from you

You were so much more than what you think
You shut out the good moments and remember the bad
Clinging to the times when everything went wrong
It’s backwards but it was all you thought you had

You blame amnesia and the doctors who ******* up
You blame the parents who didn’t watch you grow up
The ones who didn’t love your flaws
And the people who did you wrong

But now two ******* years
They gave you two ******* years
And yeah it’s not my business to know
But when you said “best friends” I thought you’d grown
Learned to trust at least some people
Learned to confront your problems and find comfort in others
I was wrong

You confide in yourself and give up on life
“**** the world”, you say with no care for anything
You drink away the pain then feel the burning ache in your throat
Running miles until your heart stops and the world goes black
Always saying “if I cut them off they won’t feel the pain when I’m gone”

You’ve been there
You’ve felt that pain of losing someone you love
So maybe you’re trying to protect us-protect me
But maybe you’re being selfish and can’t see
Just how much you mean and who you could be

Two ******* years
They go by in a flash
You’re thinking of the people you’ve left
And you’re wishing you had someone to share in your death
You’re all alone and the worlds gone cold
Because you turned everyone down and pushed us away
Made everything die and fade to grey

I mean, thank god for your sister, right?
Because she knows what’s going and couldn’t give any less *****
I guess she’s like you after all
Faking a smile and pretending everything’s okay
Even though when she gets home she can’t hide the pain

Maybe you’re hoping someone will write you a memoir
You had so many admirers anyhow
People who loved you and you couldn’t see
People who would give up the world to be successful by your side
But two ******* years means that won’t happen
Not that you would have liked that anyway

But who cares, right?
You never wanted love, compassion
So why should anyone care?
Why should anyone give a **** that you're breathing your last breath?

It’s *******
The idea that no one should
That you should leave this world feeling alone
That two ******* years from now you’re supposed to be gone
Complete and absolute *******

You’re hoping no one cares
Hoping you can disappear
And not see anyone’s tears
But two ******* years will pass
And you’ll hear the cries from the ones who couldn’t last
The whole way
its amazing how majority of my poetry is based on our friendship and the story of your life rather than my experiences.
Anya Feb 2018
He left a mark on her.
A bruised eye that matches a bruised heart
His love was the kind that couldn’t be reciprocated
Because a love like that wasn’t love at all
Because he left a mark on her.

Her hands were shaking with every twitch
She had to be careful about her next moves
Should she run?
Should she call the cops?
Should she wait for him to become a better man like she always does?
He left her terrified and trembling.

Nightmares flood her restless nights
She doesn’t sleep anymore
She can’t sleep anymore
That heavy fist flying towards her face stays imprinted on the back of her eyelids
He left her too afraid to close her eyes

These bruises he left behind won’t go away
The scars on her body aren’t disappearing
And no matter how hard she scrubs, the dirt from under her nails won’t loosen its grip
She falls apart when she remembers the truth behind the scars
“What doesn’t **** you makes you stronger” but why is she still weak
This isn’t finished but maybe you guys could give me some ideas?
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