termites crawl in my stomach; you
are my disarray, o soft and golden -

take the curves of my feet, the
freckle on my lip, and

hang me on your wall, you
compel my speechlessness.

i'll keep guessing, guessing
and unguessing.

i am up all night over this.

how is it that
your quiet limbs drown
in their sea of sleep
heavy with childlike refusal
to move like they did before

when rain taps
at your window
with a thousand fingertips
can you remember
how it feels on skin
can you feel it
because you used to

i ask because
i cannot see the brave
in your face anymore
but answers will not put feeling
where feeling used to be
regardless
i ask

sometimes
i stay awake
at night
(your hand
between
my knees)
and wonder
if this is what
being alive
feels like

when you wake
and ask
for my love
(your breath
hot against
my face)
you do not realise
you’ve asked
for an ocean
when i have only puddles