constantly creating worlds, as delicate and beautiful as paper,
strokes of ink scrawled all over that dissolve in the sun
and get set on fire,
i lost the addresses and now I'm a creature of a  poem-tainted new world,
rotting in the sun and constantly setting my mind on fire
recycling the dead universes, I was being strung along
Its hard to believe that these places were my homes when now they just drift through my mind and come in my dreams
if i went back there i would probably break down crying
i don't belong there anymore
it hurts

in fall, i saw you for the first time.
your hair was golden and you died it red like a rose
you would blossom quietly and exhale this stardust,
you were a streaky brightness
i would gaze at you, my heart was beating so fast underneath my sweater
i buried my love under a pile of leaves
and when i finally accepted it you were long gone
i would look for you in the stars, in the music, in the poetry
the way i handled my love was so awkward, so shy, so quiet
there were so many ways i could have tried to bring out a different ending
and so i fell in love with the idea of you, clutching you to my heart like a comfort

you would make me cry by doing nothing and i would still hold onto the starry ghostly nothingness of you
until my heart started to rot
i'll say it now
i love you
i love you
i love you

you ache to sing
with human breathiness,
but no matter what
it comes out your burning throat
sounding like an electronic beep

the tears glitch as they fall out of your glassy eyes and crackle into your hands
you feel your atoms being muted, you are unable to show anyone your pain

soon it will be  12:29  
and you will hang suspended in glimmering darkness
the clocks miles below you will stop ticking
and if there is not a glitch you will drift up,
up into the pixelated clouds.
your atoms will malfunction and you will   power down
  
1:00 a.m and the remaining atoms, rusted and malfunctioning after centuries of use, copy and paste themselves just like they were programmed to do into a small body

a baby's eyes, a bright neon green just like the grass billowing in the world outside (except the most recent code was wrong, so they stand straight up, as tall and pointed as the remains of the skyscrapers)
blink open for the first time, awash in the colors and sudden coldness of the world

she opens her mouth and cries out a long electronic beep, echoing the machines that transferred her from the darkness.
the atoms swaddle her like they were programmed to do, soft and silky. the glitch will come later, when they tear at the seams and begin to accumulate their thousand-year rust.

In the years to come, she will envy the ones with fresh atoms and clear coding.

she will ask the important questions: on the best days with the soft electronic trill or contemplation,
and on the worst ones,
her remaining emotions struggling to conquer the coding,
the humanity in her pushing through walls and making her head spin
crying and fighting to be her own and not the creator's
her mind will fizzle until it explodes with emotion and her bones will snap (pain wasn't in the programming)
she will hear her voice for one of the only times in her life:
(i am dying and
fizzling away
in the cold and uncaring coding,
in the hollow wiring,
twisting the world into idyllic phrases:
copy. paste. save. delete. )
and this glitch wasn't meant to happen, these words may sparkle in the golden depths of you
and they may float in the burning remnants of your mind
but they were not in the blueprint.  

you can feel your feeling slowly dissolving,
flickering, slowly the buzz of the programming will drown every once of your humanity
one by
one
by one

One night,
I felt utterly hopeless,
And I screamed and
Drifted out of the house
Tears streaming down like stardust
Staring up at the stars and
Thought what do I want?
Not this life, not
This
And yesterday, I took a walk and the stars screamed and the night spilled into me
I love feeling like a piece of artwork but lately I’ve felt hazy
I used to have my place but now that we’ve dissipated from so many different homes
I no longer have
here

And now I just want to escape

my heart
beating for you
and blossoms
reaching up like hands from my pulsing heart
growing towards the sun,
(woven in the clouded sky)
flowers blooming upwards from my throat
clusters of amaryllis.
forget me nots
(please don’t forget me when I disappear)
florets and what not
dripping,
spilling
out of my mouth held wide open
as beautiful as fire,
stinging with blood,
sprouting from the cracks in between my teeth
how they flourish as I decay
reaching up until
my heart no longer
beats for you

Morning glides its sticky honey hands
through your window
dances across your closed eyelids
Born into the sunlight that
Burns into you and
Pulls up your glazed eyes,
Pushes you back into your nightmare

Hopeless,
That’s what I feel,
Helplessly falling for a stranger
As life consumes me
Like black acid
I wish to create words and worlds like flowers that sprout from my fingertips,
All I can see is the crumbling world around me
Helpless and hopeless
And you, the feelings grasp  to me like a sticky glowing light
And you become my world,
Like soft evenings and momentary pleasures,
And I fade away
And my love grows hopelessly
Like a rose in the empty void of space,
Consuming me and emptying me,
Having no affect on you, my love
All I can hope is that my name sticks around in your mind