in fall, i saw you for the first time.
your hair was golden and you died it red like a rose
you would blossom quietly and exhale this stardust,
you were a streaky brightness
i would gaze at you, my heart was beating so fast underneath my sweater
i buried my love under a pile of leaves
and when i finally accepted it you were long gone
i would look for you in the stars, in the music, in the poetry
the way i handled my love was so awkward, so shy, so quiet
there were so many ways i could have tried to bring out a different ending
and so i fell in love with the idea of you, clutching you to my heart like a comfort

you would make me cry by doing nothing and i would still hold onto the starry ghostly nothingness of you
until my heart started to rot
i'll say it now
i love you
i love you
i love you