you’re hard candy, a strawberry and vanilla lollipop, too tempting to resist, lounging by the pool in a too small bikini for your age, looking up at me through your heart shaped sunglasses, nubile and perfect, no longer a girl, not quite a woman, still sweet, still innocent, your blue eyes sparkling as i kiss forbidden lips

on your knees
you weak pathetic worm
you disgust me
always thinking with your ****
beg and whimper
like a puppy
knowing you’ll be refused

stand before me
undress
show me
your body
kneel
submit to me
voluntarily
look
into my eyes
say it
i’m yours
body and soul
to use and abuse
sexually

intertwined
intimately
like twins in a womb
loving
touching
tenderly
reacting
ever so slightly
their touch
saying so much

you gave me purpose
my life meaning
i was your  daddy
you were my little girl
at once a woman and child
needing a lover father
seeking needing
constant validation affirmation
afraid of the dark of being alone
reminded by nightmares
haunted by traumas
dominant daddy reassuring comforting
giving solace to his little girl
will he love care protect you
like i did

mountains on the moon
fragile like ice
a touch
a kiss
remembering this
how bittersweet it was
our love
dreams
shared experiences

fading like dream
upon awakening
but never forgotten
two children
dreamt of
but never conceived
infinite tears
for little girls
never held or known
an endless sorrow
of expectant parents
wanting to be
their mommy and daddy

i miss you
i miss us
the look in your eyes
the love in your touch
sharing dreams
of raising kids
growing old
being together
for eternity

you were
a girlfriend
a lover
a woman
the perfect couple
to the outside world

but in my arms
you were a child
anxious fearful
of being alone
for even a moment

i held
reassured
whispered
in your ear
that I loved you
like a man loves a woman
like a father loves a child

triggered by the pain
lost in addiction
endless tears
and shame
anything
so as not to feel
everything
to numb
the loneliness
and fear

it ended so fast
unexpectedly
saturday morning
sitting on the couch
while drinking coffee

you wanted kids
now
your biological clock ticking
to get married
tomorrow
no planning
no prenup
gave me an ultimatum

we had fun
you were a great girlfriend
the quintessential party girl
you’d be a bad wife
a horrible mother

i said it’s over
said goodbye
got up
walked away
avoid a disaster

you're a woman now
now longer a child
but in my eyes
you are still
my little girl
twirling
dancing
in her pink
disney
princess gown

i miss
the intimacy
of when you were little
hugging
cuddling with daddy
under the blankets
watching sesame street
and eating
peanut butter
and jelly sandwiches

i like it
when you fall asleep
in my arms
while watching tv
hearing
your breathing slow
getting shallow
feeling
your body relaxing
softening
as you shuffle
reposition
and mumble
“baby, don’t go”

chasing a fairy tale
flitting between lovers
in fear of abandonment
good girl bad boy
promiscuous *****
re-enacting traumas
suffered in childhood
emotional scars
deep wounds
and daddy issues
an endless procession
of honeymoons and nightmares
crying all night
binge and purge
*** drugs and alcohol
suicidal idealation
hoping the next one
is the right one

in your arms
safe
and snug
is the only place
i find solace
from a world
full of dangers

i feel loved
cared for
knowing
you’ll protect me
and our babies

i want you

inside me
on top of me

******* me
furiously

choking me
as i struggle

for breath
on the edge

of life
and death

lonely
is the night
for a poet
writing of
love and
live
during
a pandemic

day & night
dreams
reveal
hidden truths
welling
from the blacken depths
of our twisted minds

technicolor psychedelic lost realities
kissing cats then and now stupid fantasties
hallucinating white and black invisible fairies
inspiration perspiration a little mushroom tea
falling listening monochromic shades or hues
mind bending red green jaded poets and ingenues

lonely
is the night
for a poet
writing of
but never being
loved

stop
projecting
imposing
your morality
judging me
while ignoring
your own
neurotic tendencies

your ego
fragile
brittle
and shattering
in the face
of reality

alone
dreaming of home
a sky
full of stars
for all the blind
to see
witness
the moon
casting
no shadows
as shattered hearts
wither and die  
begging
for redemption
from a devil’s
cruelty
looking
for solace
where there is
no humanity

anxious
afraid
thoughts racing
heart beating
out of control
fearful
like a filly
knowing
you're wolf’s prey
wanting a man
to protect
reign you in
anchor your mind
soothe your soul

sssh, baby girl
daddy’s here
to take all your fears away

chasing a fantasy
of an ideal
never to be seen
in this world
existing only
in my mind
personified
with pen and paper
and tears and liquor

who is she
where is she
my mistress
my muse
who whispers
who shouts
in my ear
telling me tales
telling me stories
of secret fantasies
and ****** desires

you’re thirsty
not trusting
imprisoned by your mind
locked in a body
starving for love
craving touch
begging to be held
wanting to give
all of you
heart and soul

it’s in your nature
to submit and serve

present yourself
*******
*** in the air
to your master

to be reminded
that you are
less civilized and evolved
than you think

confused and conflicted
as juices flow
and wetness
glistens on you lips

emotional and primal
remember
you’re just but animal

cookies and cream
coloring books
blankets and stuffies

sitting on daddy’s lap
reminding him
i’m a big girl
and can be naughty

does it
make you wet
getting spanked
by daddy
for being
bad
and bratty

everlasting
never ending
roller skates
snow cones
and unicorns
a kiss on the lips
from a girl
a show of love
long remembered
least forgotten
Zoë
daddy’s sweet
little girl

Baby Girl: crying
Daddy: “What’s wrong Baby Girl?”
Daddy: “Are tired. Do you need a nap?”
Baby Girl: “No, I’m not tired. I don’t want to take a nap.”
Daddy: “Come here Baby Girl. Let Daddy give you a hug.”
Baby Girl: reluctantly walks into Daddy’s arms
Daddy: picks up Baby Girl and takes her to bed
Daddy: gently lays Baby Girl down on the bed
Baby Girl: “Daddy, don’t go, stay”
Daddy: gets into bed with Baby Girl
Baby Girl snuggles up against Daddy. Lays her head on his shoulder
Baby Girl: “Will you stroke my hair”
Daddy: softly strokes her hair, until Baby Girl falls asleep

daddy
hold me
hold me tight
never let go
never leave me
promise me
i’ll always & forever
be your little

how old
is too old
to be a little
i’m a grown up
that has never
grown up
i’m a 40 year old little
that stills needs
her daddy

you can’t resist
you’re reminded
every morning
with a *****
you’re physically strong
but sexually weak

confused, by my wiles
yielding, to my whims
you think
you’re in charge
all the while
submitting
to my pleasures

surrender
acquiesce
acknowledge
i am
your superior

Daddy: at his computer working
Baby girl: playing at Daddy’s feet
Baby girl: “Daddy, do you want to play”
Daddy: “Play what Baby Girl?”
Baby girl: “Play Kitten”
Daddy: “How do you play kitten”
Baby girl: “You sit on the couch. I put on neko ears, crawl on to your lap and purr. Then you pet me all over."

yes, daddy, yes
*** for me
*** inside me
cause i’m
your little neko

i’m not
being a brat
no
i won’t
go to my room
and take a nap
you can’t force me
you’re not my daddy
i don't love you
go away

daddy
i’m sorry
i’m tired
will you
come take a nap
with your little

yes
baby girl
i swear
i will always
love you
and be there
protecting you
from the monsters
under the bed
and upstairs

I want your hands
on me
touching, cupping, caressing

reminding me
you’re my daddy
and I
am your little

daddy
will you shampoo
gently massage
rinse with water
wrap it in a towel
blow dry, brush and tie it
in a ponytail

i like when you fuss, dote
pay attention
call me princess
kiss my feet
make me giggle
call me silly

it’s a secret
don’t tell mommy
i like
all the daddy things
you do

i miss
putting you to bed
tucking you in
tight
under the covers
daddy stay
don’t leave
you’d say
pulling back the covers
patting the mattress
inviting me to lay
spoon
making sure
you felt loved
safe
like a baby
kangaroo

at dinner, across the table
you made your intentions, clear
you were, coming of age, awakening
a girl, consumed, with the desires, of a woman
i made an excuse, i needed air
you asked your mother, then followed
we walked, in the dark, on the ski tracks
our breathes, materializing, in the air
the flood lights, illuminating, the slopes
the cold, turning your cheeks, baby pink
you threw, a snowball, dared me, to catch you
running into, a field, of ******, snow
i chased, caught, and together, tumbled
as we kissed, in the snow

am i your lover, and or, father figure
are you needing love, reassuring, paternal nurturing  
you chose me, like a stray, little kitten
needing shelter, safety, petting
i held, kissed, comforted
you curled up and purred
nozzled deeper, a woman, then a child
daddy, providing, protecting
his pretty, parisian, pixie girl

do as i say
as you are told
on your knees
bow before me
your master
submit
accept
it’s your destiny
your role
a woman’s place
to serve
a man
a master

red silk
come here
i need you
the warmth of your body
the softness of your skin
the smell of your hair

quench my desire
fulfill my fantasies
please your master
or i’ll sell you
in the market

I am the alpha
the dominate
in this relationship
get on your knees
worship me
my *****
kiss my ***
**** my toes
submissive
beta boy

i see it
in your eyes
smoldering
ready to ignite
catch fire
consume
you
me
in your awakening

mousy girl, sitting in the corner, of an american airlines’ lounge

staring out a window, watching it snow

waiting for a flight from frankfurt to dallas

so cute, so demure, how is a boy to resist you

long shiny hair, over sized sweats, black leggings, white keds

sitting crossed, over one leg, slightly bouncing nervously

occasionally catching my eye, then glancing away

are you flirting or just curious, i wish i knew

how do i approach you, what do i say

am i of interest or am i passe

do you know, you’re playing the part, of a little

do you need a daddy, someone to hold, protect you

make you feel special, loved, and cared for

cuddled, kept warm

kissed and touched, everywhere

i don’t understand
i’m still reeling
from what happened
we never kissed
touched

it was all
in your glances
the yearning
come-hither
inviting me further

i wish
how i wish
we’d had more time
to kiss
touch
be intimate

i hurt
so much
when i think of you
i can’t stop
crying
imagining
all the possibilities
we could have had
together
pixie

why did you do it
****** me
use your eyes
pout your lips
tilt your head
touch your hair
look up
smile
feign innocence

you knew exactly
what you were doing
didn’t you
pixie