Dance softly through the wild stares of the obtuse,
Stagnant in their lacking,
Cracking up and jacking off,
Listen as they scoff,
Mistaking cracks for tracks to tax the backs of those that bare their failures,
The yet to be saviours,
The sons and daughters who’ll become the authors of the failings that they see.
Those cursed lessons that will shape who they will be,
No more a future can I wish to see,
The blood of our generation,
Dripping with desperation at the separation of every nation,
Damnation crying out for salvation.
History will show the choices we’ve played,
Centuries will be weighed under the shadows we’ve made.
Let lessons be borne,
Stuck like the pages of procrastinating ****,
Promises sworn under beguiling scorn,
I shall mourn for the life that I wished had been born.

If I close my eyes and feel a breeze does that mean you are near ,
Do you hide inside my farthest dreams,
Or echo in my tear ,
Do you see me living out my life ,
The father I've become ,
The father that I am to you ,
Though never quite begun ,

I picture how you might of looked ,
I think of how you'd be -
The traits within your character that bond you back to me.

If somewhere somehow here or there ,
You see the thoughts I own ,
That tell you though we've never met -
You've never been alone .
That tell if I could cross time I'd come to where you dance ,
See I never knew that you were here -
I never had the chance.

Not in this world , not at this time -
Your eyes were not to see ,
Your weren't to walk upon this land -
Your life was not to be -

But If there is a place beyond ,
Where time stands still and worries cease ,
A place your spirit watches from ,
A place of innocence and peace .

Then guide me when my time here's done ,
Illuminate my way.
For a daddy's hug is everything -
And yours is waiting till that day.

Dad, dad the sky’s fallen asunder,
Be at peace my child for its only thunder,
Dad, dad the earth starting to break,
No my child - It’s just an earth quake,
Dad, dad the oceans are dying,
No little one,
It’s the world that is drying,
Dad, dad why does man **** animals,
Because some people have barely evolved from being cannibals,
Dad, dad why are children abandoned
I’m afraid man’s forgotten the 7th commandment,
Dad, Dad what can I do,
My innocent child,
Be the best version of you,
But Dad will that ever change what’s become,
If it means you feel worthy,
Then it’s enough my son,
So tell me dad,
What did you do,
I surrendered myself,
The day I had you.

He has left his touch ,
I know this much by the vacant stares they posses .
He has since passed through ,
And his evil too with the curses I loathe and detest.

His reign will not end ,
Until he’s condemned and all that he seeks is wiped out ,
All pure is consumed ,
Savaged and ruined
Left to rot without doubt.

The stench that remains ,
Drives a stake through the pain ,
To remind of the torture that's been ,
Felt but not touched ,
Though tasted too much ,
So alive - it'll never be seen

For hope cannot thrive ,
If there's no hope alive ,
Nothing but dark destitution ,
Your spells here won't work ,
On the demons that lurk ,
For this is our last retribution.

Darkness danced in the glow of her aura,
She shouldn’t be here,
Alone and unguarded,
She knew better than to wander this dimension alone,
But the call was too strong to ignore,
Her heart yearned,
Like a fire burning through her soul,
She was needed,
Her healing was needed,
Being called with dying breathes,
Time was short,
She ran desperate into the darkness,
Wide eyes scanning for that familiar sight,
Off in the distance she saw what she had been looking for,
That unmistakeable mass of muscle and sinew,
Armoured spikes and wings the size of sails,
Her dragon was dying,
She didn’t have long,
Minutes maybe,
Her presence sent calming to him,
Her song numbed his pain,
What had happened,
Why was he here,
No time for questions,
She leant against his thick marbled hide,
Whispered the words of her incantation,
It was done,
Whether it was enough,
Only time would tell,
But she was here,
What ever happened from here on in,
He wouldn’t be alone,
His ruby eye narrowed on her,
The connection caused her to illuminate slightly,
He exhaled a wind that could wipe out an army,
His gaze softened,
And he was gone,
She trembled,
Flickered,
And her glow faded to darkness.
It was the way,
Linked for eternity,
Or lost together forever.
Time had beaten them,
And now they must start again,
Spending a life time transcending the dimensions,
In search for one another,
For only the speed of their journey,
Could end this perpetual cycle.

We’re so entrenched in tradition / the admission of conditions that breed petitions of suspicions,
Where no one trusts in case things go bust so we all prepare to swear at the ones that dare to care,
Will we ever break free and see what we could be,
I wont accept that the tears I’ve wept are the aspiration of a nation that for so long has quietly stepped when we probably should of leapt out of the depths,
Our leaders don’t reflect me / the subject / it’s more like disconnect the unchecked and treat me like a suspect,
The youth are amassing and challenging what’s happening / imagining abandoning because the current state is maddening,
What lessons are we teaching with this continuous screeching / impeaching our own preaching ,
What future do we offer them,
We’ve lost our boys and broke our men  but continuously we still condemn.
Amen

Your the architects of your own oppression,
Surrendered in fear from the threat of aggression,
Collaborating to salvage the scraps,
Living in squalor between the gaps,
Your empowered people from your loyal elect,
Exploit you and treat you with disrespect,
We cannot fathom why you live this way,
We don’t understand the games you play,
We’ve shared our knowledge in an open embrace,
But you refuse to share it with the rest of your race,
Even now as your planet dies,
Your greed is the blindfold that covers your eyes,
You aren’t the first that we have found,
That walks across their dying ground,
Though you may be the last that will ever be,
Unless you have an epiphany,
I will return when all is done,
When the crescent light shines from the blackened sun,
But for now I must tend to matters at hand,
To other planets on the cusp of being ******.

A Soldier That’s Lost.

Green was the colour of all of my suits,
Razor starched creases and bulled mirror boots,
Focused and steadfast,
Her majesty’s best,
Ribbons and medals proud on my chest.
15 years and 7 tours to my name,
A considerable asset I truly became,
But since I discharged its been a bit rough,
I don’t like to admit it but I’m finding it tough,
I struggle at times to know what to do,
No ones around and so much is new,
I was the cocky one the life and the soul,
Now I feel life’s spiralling out of control.
My wife doesn’t know me - my kids can’t relate,
I’ve no one around me that I call a mate.
I’ve nowhere to go but a job that’s demeaning,
I used to fight for my country,
I used to have meaning,
Now I get angry and can’t get a focus,
I could disappear now and no one would notice,
It’s not what I envisaged it’s not what I thought,
It’s certainly nothing like what I was taught,
I’m not a civilian,
I’m a soldier that’s lost,
From Her Majesty’s Army it feels like I’ve been tossed.

Broken glass,
Fractured light,
Cascading tears,
Pointless fight,
Vicious hurt,
Frightened pain,
Desperate breath,
Panicked blame,
Blood stains burgundy
This is our goodbye,
Clarity comes perfectly
Save the tears you cry,
Devastating,
Intoxicating,
The gates to which I’ve been waiting,
Blinding light,
Eternal sight,
I won’t be coming home tonight.

My whole world changed in an instant,
Everything I knew just stopped......
Frozen in stasis,
The whole world could of stopped for all I knew,
But I didn’t,
I felt completely alone in the stillness of the moment,
The panic crawled over me like a dark hood being pulled over my head,
Voices became distant,
My head started to spin,
The realisation hit me that nothing would ever be the same again,
That everything I thought I knew was changing,
Tainted suddenly because it was before this moment,
It terrified me,
But the fear was already giving way to hopelessness,
I felt familiarity slipping away,
Totality engulfed me,
The moment seemed like an eternity,
I felt my heart beating within myself,
I could hear my blood pumping through my veins,
I was blinded by everything I could see.
..........
This was my defining moment,
The point at which all of me hangs in the balance,
My past my present and my future,
This was the moment I feared most of all,
The one I had always kept suppressed,
Every word spoken was like a nail into the coffin of my being,
The sound of those 5 words ripping my life from existence,
I felt the drawn out finality of every letter,
As my ears bled to their release,
My soul screamed in muted defiance,
But still the words came,
Those 5 words that changed everything,
.........
.........
There’s been a terrible accident.

I was broken when we first met,
Chewed up and spat out.
You could see my damage from a mile away,
Who wouldn’t the state I was in,
But you were drawn to it,
Attracted to my vulnerability,
Too my brokenness,
We dated,
I was hopeless,
I was a whirlwind of tears and tequila,
Yet you never judged me,
In fact you moved me in with you,
And you showed me endless patience,
You used your love to slowly close my wounds,
Your faith to stem my bleeding soul
And your strength to rebuild my heart,
Your confidence carried me,
You let me relish in your peace,
Feel safe in your protection.
You never rushed me,
You were just happy to help me,
You gave me you so I could be me,
I owed you so much,
I would of given you anything.......
And then you stopped.
Just like that .... You stopped.
I don’t know what changed you but you changed,
You set about tearing new wounds in me,
You became the hate that broke my heart,
And you used your strength to try and take back all the confidence you had given me,
You were the child who’d break his toy to stop anyone else from enjoying it,
Only I wasn’t  your toy to break,
I refused to be broken again,
I took your strength once because you offered it,
Hell I may well of needed it,
But know this,
It was my choice.
Just as I now choose to reject your hate,
*******,
******* to hell and back.
I chose to let you help me and I loved you for it,
But it wasn’t a debt you can call in,
That’s where you went wrong,
Thinking I owed you,
When I became strong enough that I didn’t need your strength,
You stopped wanting me and started hating me,
And now I realise you never actually loved me,
You loved helping me,
Being my knight in shining armour,
It was never about you and me,
It was always about you.
And it will only ever be about you.
I only have this to say to you...
THANK YOU.
Thank you for reminding me how strong I can be,
Thank you for giving me the time to piece myself back together,
And thank you for showing me the difference between love and need,
I loved you for you but you just needed me for yourself.
So thank you,
And *******.

Be the light that shines in me,
A glimmer of stability,
Be the hope that carries me,
Protects my vulnerability,
Be the fight that lives in me,    
My unpredictability,
Be the truth that teaches me,
Show me my own humility,
Be the dark that frightens me,
Shatters my tranquility,
Be the fear that threatens me,
And cures my instability
Be the one that honours me,
With your eligibility,
Be the one that’s there for me,
Aligned in synchronicity,
Be my eyes through which I see,
Be my deepest clarity,
Be everything you need to be,
But most of all,
Love me.

I cannot break these chains that bind me,
No more can I see past these walls that blind me,
I don’t know who I’m supposed to be,
I’ve no idea how to be me.

Am I broken,
Beyond repair,
No one see’s me so no one care’s,
I keep the pain buried deep,
Only letting it out when your all asleep.

I know there’s so much that I’m destined to do,
Things I start but don’t see through,
Something pulls but I don’t know to where,
If I don’t know whats lost,
Why do I care,

I feel empty but for the love of my own,
My scars are so hard they’ve turned to bone,
My mask so supple that you’ll never see,
The truth of what is really me.

Am I broken,
Beyond repair,
No one see’s me so no one care’s,
I keep the pain buried deep,
Only letting it out when your all asleep.

Time is ticking,
My fear grows strong,
Somethings not right but I don’t know what’s wrong,
I’m falling but no one can hear me cry,
I’m scared that what’s pulling,
Is my time to die,

I’m scared that I’ve not understood why I’m here,
I’m running out of time and filling with fear,
I want to live but can’t live this lie ,
To survive this maybe I have to die.

Maybe there’s more than what we know,
What if to stay I have to go,
What if these words are the last I’ll write,
As I pass my troubled soul into the night.

I’ll shave my head,
I’ve not much hair,
But I’ll shave my head because I care.
I’ll shave my head to be like you,
I’ll shave my head because you would too.
It’s only hair and I know it matters,
But it’s only hair.
It’s not all that flatters -
Because when I look at you -
I don’t see hair,
When I look at you, you catch my stare -
Because your as beautiful right now -
as the day that we first met.
And today I love you more than then ,
Of that you need not fret,

So I’ll shave my head with a smile on my face,
And I’ll shave my head with abandoned grace,
Because all that matters is that we’re ok,
So save your blushes for another day.

Take a step back and relax,
What’s the worst that’s going to happen,
That we’ll all fall apart,
We don’t know where to start,
Or that we’ll continue in the exact same fashion,
The pressure your feeling is yours,
And it’s weight is taking its toll,
The worry and dread,
That exists in your head,
Is your perception getting out of control.
Your not helping any of us,
By running yourself into the ground,
So stop making such a fuss,
And stop all this running around,
I know to the lengths that you’ve been,
To be there for all that need you,
But your spreading yourself far too thin,
And your going to end up shot through,
So please,
Just take a step back
Take as long as you need,
I promise the world will not crack,
And we won’t crumble and bleed.

Please don’t tread upon our faith
Or pay the ferryman till’ its safe,
We’ve been the blind now let us be the worthy,
The fractured thoughts we hid away,
In the place we weren’t allowed to say,
We’re older now and deserve our share of mercy.
To share the truth that’s on our mind,
The ones we prayed no one would find,
To put an end to this abusive monster,
Because our silence just condones,
The beast that hid our broken bones,
Who stole our innocence for which to squander.
No more whispers in our eyes,
No more living with these lies,
It’s time the public get to see behind the curtain
It’s time to free our chains of youth,
Explain why we’re misunderstood,
And unload ourselves from this eternal burden.

We live in an era of progressive construction,
Evolved through destruction,
Enticed by seduction,
Technological  progression,
Through corporate aggression,
Natures regression is the muted confession,
I want to be freed,
From this gravitas of greed
I want more hope,
Than this slippery *****,
I’d like to relax but I’m watching for cracks,
I’d like a breath that’s not tainted with death.
Don’t look at me through hidden eyes,
You see the reality of living these lies,
I know theres a need to demonstrate hope,
But a hangman doesn’t pretend there’s no rope.
The truth can be damning,
For real it can hurt,
But our generation must acknowledge and assert,
That all of the good and all of the change,
Is only the start of what needs rearranged,
So listen and learn,
Don’t leave it to others,
Its my call to arms,
To my sisters and brothers,
Let’s do more than what we have done,
Silent no more,
For no more shall we run.

I bet your beds comfy,
I imagine it smells of flowers and vanilla,
Or just the smell of clean,
And you have pillows,
Big soft voluptuous pillows,
And sheets,
Clean sheets.
I could sleep forever in a bed like that,
Literally forever,
And I bet you don’t even think about it,
Because it’s just a bed to you,
And it is,
Id probably cry if I could climb into like that everyday,
I’d cry if I could climb in for one day,
An hour or two,
The comfort would be amazing but -,
probably too comfortable for someone like me,
I’m used to the cardboard thats under me,
And Im quite attached to the bag that I sleep in,
Even the smell settles me,
And trust me when I tell you -
It’s not flowers or vanilla !
The noises of the night are my lullabies,
And the crisp cut of the cold keeps me alert,
Keeps me safe,
You probably wouldn’t understand,
But I’m glad of that,
A bed would be nice,
The comfort would be nicer,
But it’s the home that it’s in that makes it special,
A comfy bed - that’s safe, in a house,
A home,
Secure,
Free from the fear of a random threat,
That’s why you can sleep so well in your comfy bed,
Because your safe,
Because your free to sleep,
Where as my sleep can cost me dearly,
If I fall asleep I can lose the little that I have,
Even the shoes off my feet,
If I fall asleep I could be woken with a kick or a punch,
If I fall asleep,
I might not wake up at all,
So your bed is comfy and would be nice,
But it’s the fact you can sleep freely which is special,
So treasure your bed,
Enjoy your sleep,
And be thankful for your freedom.
I’m not jealous ,
I wouldn’t wish my situation on anyone,
I don’t even wish it on myself but I accept it,
If I fought it I wouldn’t be here now.
All I ask is that -
Next time you see a homeless person,
Remember a little kindness goes along way.
Life’s a funny ****** -
There was a time when I had a comfy bed,
In a nice loving house,
There was a time when I would look at the homeless I passed in the street,
Never once imagining that the cardboard mattress next to them was reserved for me
So sleep well good people,
Treasure what yo have because time is fleeting,
Good fortune is a gift,
When you climb into your bed tonight,
Stop for a second to appreciate it,
Just ..... appreciate it for me,
Because I can’t.
Not right now anyway,
But hey -
It is what it is.

Every lie incurs a debt to the truth,
Oppression runs down the cheeks of our children,
For what is greatness when built on the foundations of weakness,
What is progress when it’s cost is greater than its accomplishments,
Every domino accelerates the damage,
Voices are silenced,
Honesty gets mistaken for betrayal,
The sacrifice of one can save the lives of the many,
But are you willing to be that one,
To leave a grieving wife,
For your children to grow up fatherless,
The sacrifice of the one - is a sacrifice of many,
What is the blind perseverance to never admit mistakes,
It doesn’t show strength or determination,
Only arrogant denial at the cost of a nation,
And even when the castles crumble,
And their walls lay waste in the seas of time,
Even then those responsible take no responsibility,
Even then the red blood of the innocent stains the steps of their red sanctuary,
Even then the world looks on in wonder,
What is this lunacy we call law and order,
When the orders are given by those that create the law.
I apologise for the daily desecration of my people,
I look on in hope that a brighter day will come,
And I pray that somewhere there is a justice,
For all of this.

The nightmare came again
I froze in fear,
Praying that the dark wouldn’t notice me,
Barely breathing,
Too afraid to look round,
Rigid,
I held my breath,
Sweat beaded on my brow,
I waited,
Prayed,
Seconds felt like minutes,
............
Instantly the fear came over me like a gut churning sickness,
It knew I was there,
I didn’t need to know how,
I could feel it,
I tried to run but my legs were stuck,
Like they were in slow motion,
I summoned all my strength but still they barely moved,
I felt the impending hatred,
The fear closing in,
My panic grew,
My eyes widened,
Every muscle in my body strained,
I screamed but it was barely a whisper,
Despair flooded me,
Dread consumed me,
Submission overtook me,
Then nothing.
My nightmare won this time.

Dear Mr Speaker,
(UK House of Commons)

Unity could set us free but instead you’ve  set us up to be a country of obscurity that doesn’t relate to you or me,
Why is the truth so difficult to tell from the green leather comfort of your wood panelled cell,
How come we’ve twisted what’s meant to be straight and promoted confusion as our number one trait.
Where is the logic ?
Where’s common sense ?
Your  rules are ironic and cause us offence.
Whilst the pedlars work out their policies to sell the faith of your people is burning in hell.
Dear Mr Speaker if only you’d listen and hear the extent of discord that’s arisen,
Dear Mr Speaker whilst you sit in your seat,
We’re being led into mayhem by the fools at your feet.

Regards
wM

I’m not stuck,
whilst everything around me is wrong,
Im moving on,
Just preparing the next step,
Actually planning when It will start,
Just not now,
But it’s fine because I am smart,
I’ve got it all figured out,
So I’m not actually stuck,
I’m not falling apart,
And that’s not an excuse,
Its all part of my plan,
It’s being in limbo I really can’t stand,
But at least I’m not stuck,
Because that would be awful to be,
I’d be making excuses,
Hoping that no one would see,
That that’s really me.
I’m not stuck.

wM

I am a prison without locks,
Searching indefinitely for that which you are yet to know you need.
The past doesn’t help you,
And the future won’t hold you,
There is no combination,
Or cute illustration,
Words barely justify my existence,
Yet you still yearn for me,
For I thrive in your name,
I am elusive,
From the start to the end,
Too much or too little too late,
You carve my reputation into morsels of greed,
But to know me you must allow me to be freed,
I am exactly that which you need me to be,
Whilst destroying your world with the thought of my presence.

If you ******* madness you’ll choke on my fears,
Acidic black is the hue of my tears,
My will is a parasite that burrows deep,
And if it finds your soul then It’s mine to keep.
Don’t play with me you insolent child,
My mood is neither gentle nor mild,
6-6-6 is the mark of my number,
Speak it thrice and I’ll awake from my slumber,
If you dare they’ll be no turning back,
All that you are will be riddled with black,
You’ll feed on animosity from within the air,
And live the atrocity I perpetuate there,
There is no hiding if you waken me,
There’s no where to run because no one will see,
I’ll hunt in your mind in your senses and dreams,
They’ll be no sign of me but for that of your screams,
Be warned here and now Child of the light,
Before you commit to an endless night,
Before you turn to the hordes of the mad,
Ask yourself,
Is life really that bad.

Why won’t addiction  leave me alone,
Get fed up and just go away,
It’s not like we’re friends or get on all the much,
But he insists on having to stay,
We may have the odd laugh,
Hang out when we’re bored,
And he’s there when I’m broken or dumped,
But the rest of the time I don’t want him around,
So why he’s still here’s got me stumped.
We broke up last summer,
I felt so alive,
It was nice just to hear my own voice,
I was determined to prove I could manage myself,
It was like being me without all of the noise.
But here I am now,
8 months down the line,
Addiction and me are back on,
I thought I could beat him all by myself,
But I realise now I was wrong.
This time I’m asking,
I’m taking the help,
The support and the sponsor and me,
This time I’m leaving and not going back,
Because this time it’s all about me.

wM

Which of me do you think you know,
The subtle or the sad,
The one that’s deep and sultry,
Or the one that’s loud and mad,
The me that mutters lost in thought and stresses over life,
Or the me that deals with everything,
The trouble,  stress and strife.
There’s another me that no one sees,
The me that keeps me right,
The one I keep all for myself,
That’s hidden in plain sight,
The me that reasons out the fear and keeps an even keel,
That chains my madness to my core when life becomes to real,
So many me’s I must contain all echoes of myself,
Are you the same behind your name,
Is there more than just yourself.

How can a faith forge a nation,
When it’s built on desolation,
shouldn’t it be a celebration of a people’s revelation,
The truth is it’s a lie,
It’s a handcuffed alibi to pacify and satisfy the lies they yearn to glorify,
It makes me sick to hear their claims,
It makes the blood boil in my veins,
The killings in the name of forged belief,
To curse the many that are true,
And create a hate that will pursue,
Then bathe yourself amidst the tears of all their grief.

Oh brother - why do you shun me so,
For I’m the truth you want no one to know,
I’m the bitter to your sickly sweet,
The ravaged attack of your feeble defeat.
I am the darkness in your light,
I am the blind that covets your sight,
I am the sinner that loves to sin,
Whilst your the one who strives to win.
You would not survive without my existence,
For I am the hand that offers resistance,
Without my dark you wouldn’t know light,
I give you the day but I rule the night.
Deny as you must but make no mistake,
This coexistence will never break,
We take the opposite of what we give,
In order for us both to live.
Because you need me as I need you,
For I can’t lie unless your true,
But do not think that this brings peace,
Nor expect my chaos to cease,
For I would gladly be without you,
But that is something I could never do.
I need your light to to create my dark,
Which is we why can never exist apart .

Catch me gently ,
As my fall you break ,
Lift up my fractured wings ,
My eyes they sting with my new dawn.

My first breath fills me ,
Cold Into my waking brain.
Slipped from limbo ,
Awake at last ,
How have I come to be here ,
The shiver on my skin caught from a breeze ,
The colours so real as I see them shimmer in the light of a true day.
Can this really be heaven ,
Wave after wave of emotion ,
Of being ,
Of being alive .

I am alive ,
Touching the ground ,
Tasting the sounds ,
Noises all around ,

Finally ..... I have fallen to heaven.


wM

I don’t care about your colour
I don’t subscribe to the look of your face
Were all sisters and brothers and fathers and mothers,
Joined in the human race,
Open your curtains and turn on the news,
we’re surrounded by horror and hate
At a time when so much is so lost and abused,
Why are we ******* our fate,
Your gender your race your beliefs,
The choices that make you be you,
Are individually and perfectly great,
Because they’re completely and honestly true,
If we’re ethically and morally at war,
Then how will we ever move on,
We’re ruining what was given before,
Because we’re treating each other so wrong,
When your down or damaged or lost
And the noise of the world just blares,
Your not caring what barriers are crossed,
Your just grateful to know someone cares,
So people -  please look around,
See the person living inside,
Because if we all make just a small effort,
Then never again need we hide.

The fight has gone from within your eyes,
There’s a deathly calmness growing.
The candle smokes as it flickers and dies,
And I taste the fear of knowing.
I don’t see hate behind your mask,
I don’t feel your inner war.
Just a sad despair that no longer cares,
And that scares me even more.

wM

My beliefs are not yours to decry,
My choices have never been yours to defy
I am the fear that brings your reply,
Born from a fire that will not die,
My existence isn’t for you to judge,
What I stand for isn’t yours to begrudge,
No longer a slave to this tedious drudge,
For my will is too strong for you to budge.
You can witness my rise from where you stand,
You can feel my flames burn through this land,
For all that I do has long been planned,
Since I was ripped from the wombs of your ******.

In my darkest times I yearn to bleed,
It’s what I need for this hate to be freed,
One slow gentle cut just enough to shut -
Out the pressure inside from which I’m desperate to hide.
Just a trickle of blood that feels like a flood,
A tsunami of hymns bleeding my sins,
It’s a silent addiction,
A poetic affliction,
Just a nick here and there,
It’s not like anyone cares,
One slow gentle cut just enough to shut-
out the voices I hear that fill me with fear,
Just to feel the release of that beautiful peace,
Just the smallest of cuts,
Just to deal with this crux.
I’ve tried and I’ve prayed but these feelings won’t fade,
I’ve ran out of options all I’ve left is this blade,
Don’t judge me don’t sneer,
Unless you’ve been here your won’t know what it’s like,
It’s a hopeless fight,
One slow gentle cut just enough to free -
        all this hate inside that’s killing me.

When my breathless body returns to the earth from which it came,
Let it be known that I tried,
In the face of damnation,
With the manacles of propriety digging deep into my flesh,
And the corpulent greed of the contumacious seeping from every open door,
Let them say that I tried,
Inside this strident existence that we call our own,
Where the fastidious prey on the guileless,
I just wanted to be a luminous beacon of intransigent truth,
A munificent solace for those In need,
I just wanted one zealous moment to make a difference,
And as the remnants of me powder and dust into the soil in which I lie,
Let at least one person say that my life was worthwhile,
That my existence was heuristic,
Because if I am to become just another sorry loss,
An echoed memory only deserving of a sorrowful after thought,
Then what was it all worth,
And more so,
Why then would anyone else bother.
Because if we cannot make a difference,
Then I would rather not be remembered at all.

I think God was robbed,
Just when he’d almost finished the job.
It’s a shame,
Someone definitely stole some of the parts of his game.
There’s some honour missing,
And loyalty too,
I’ve got all mine but some’s missing in you,
And there’s sympathy - i know I’m a bit short,
I don’t like to admit it but I have to report,
Oh and trust,
There’s a whack of that missing,
I can tell by the way that people are kissing,
But the biggest by far is that faith’s definitely gone,
People seem lost like they know somethings wrong,
Poor God,
So close to finishing his work,
I thought he’d be angry but he turned with a smirk,
Guess what he said when I asked what he’ll do,
He said -
“ Nothings been taken, it’s just how I made you”

Just before 1am On the 14th June 2017, In North Kensington West London - A fire broke out that ravaged a 24 story tower block filled with families who were settled in for the night.
During the hours that pursued , Panic was prevalent and mistakes were made.
72 innocent life’s were lost.

Their story, my words.
written with love, sorrow and respect.

A summers night like any other,
Settled in for the night,
Tv on,
We were having a late one,
Even mum,
Dad with his tea - just the way a family should be.
Same old noises from around the flats,
Distant shouts,
Yells from above,
No doubt a party - just spreading the love.

But this night wasn’t like any other,
The yells I thought were laughter grew louder,
Panicked in a confused chorus,
Footsteps up and down the corridor outside,
I felt an overwhelming urge to hide,
Doors were being banged,
The feeling was intense,
Screaming and shouting under a calm pretence,
FIRE was shouted,
A singular word,
Everything else momentarily blurred,

Dad said he’d sort it,
And went outside to investigate,
Mum didn’t hesitate,
Into the kitchen,
By the balcony door -
She sat me down on the floor.
Don’t worry she said with a look of pure dread,
Never before did I doubt what she said.
Don’t worry son,
There’s no need to fear.
Where’s dad I asked,
Why is he not here,
I want dad with us,
It’s ok she said
He’ll be sorting things out,
Just like he said.

It was at 12.50am when the fire is believed to of started. A resident found his fridge freezer on fire and raised the alert.
The fire brigade were called. The first fire crew entered at 1.07am, 17mins after the fire was discovered.
At 1.08 the fire had breached the window and within minutes ignited the external panels outside the flat.

I’m scared mum, why’s everyone screaming,
I wished I was dreaming,
Sat there scared on the floor
Mum just stared vacant watching the door,


At 1.15am the fire had spread to the flat above.
The fire brigade called for back up. The flames spread up the outside of the building to the roof at a terrifying rate, burning behind the waterproof panels which made it impossible to get the water from the hoses at it.
By 1.35am 20 pumps were active on site. At this point the ambulance service were called in.

“Where’s dad” I cried,
Has he died ?
“Don’t be ridiculous” mum said
But she knew full well the fire had spread,
Thick grey smoke blew outside the window,
Right then in that moment was the epitome of limbo,

We couldn’t leave,
We couldn’t stay,
The smoke was spreading like hastened decay,

Then I saw a man,
As if in slow motion,
It was so surreal,
I felt void of emotion,
He fell past the window,
We were on the 15th floor,
I had no sense of myself anymore.

Our flat was filling with smoke,
I started to choke,
Dad wasn’t back,
Mum quietly spoke -
I need you to listen, It’s important - she said,
Put this wet towel over your head,
Stay on the floor and try not to worry,
I’m going to find dad but I’ll be back in a hurry.

How many parents were torn between protecting their loved ones and going for help,
How can you choose what to do when there’s no time to think about it,
When everything around you is falling apart and filling with smoke.
Your family trapped in a flat that’s burning from the outside in.

I was too scared to move,
With my towel on the floor,
I managed to peep out so I could watch the door,
Any minute now mum and dad would be back,
I tried to stay awake,
But everything was going black.
I tried to listen ,
To hear for their voice,
I wanted to wait but I didn’t have a choice,
Everything went silent,
It was my time to go,
I did try to wait,
I pray that they know.

Grenfell Tower burned for 60hrs on that fateful night.
72 died, 223 escaped and thousands were affected.
Residents were given the wrong advice, some fatefully told to stay in their flats, others died trying to get to safety. Some jumped from sheer desperation.
Many children lost their life that night, the youngest was only 6months old.

The ultimate cause of the fire becoming so fierce and spreading so quickly was due to the illegal cladding that was used to cover the exterior, which ultimately carried the fire.
So many people failed in their responsibility,
So many people failed in their actions,
And 72 people were ultimately failed.

God rest their souls.

I didn’t think I’d do it,
Just a second passed in time.
I loved her more than life itself ,
I could of made her mind.
Everyday I’d give my life for hers,
She meant the world to me,
I never meant to hurt her,
I loved her - can’t you see.

She pushed me more and more each day
Driving me insane,
She smiled each time I grimaced,
Contented with my pain.
I didn’t mean to hurt her,
God I wanted her so bad,
Is this not punishment enough,
I’ve lost the only thing I had.

If time could change I’d turn the clocks and give her back her life,
I’d pour the warmth back in her heart,
And throw away the knife.
Since the day it happened I’ve done nothing but to cry,
Please forgive me Jesus Christ,
And sentence me to die.

I’ve cried tears so heavy they left track marks on my cheeks,
And I’ve loved so deeply that Ive lost myself,
That’s my curse my cross to bare,
No half measures,
No messing about,
It’s all or nothing or what’s the point.
I commit to become a conquerer,
Im not willing to be conquered -
I wear my warpaint with pride,
And tattoo my heart on my sleeve for all to see,
I’m not hiding -
Come at me if you wish,
But be sure to finish me,
Because remember - I am cursed,
I play nice but I dance like a devil,
Deserve me and I’ll never desert you,
Love me and I’ll fill you heart forever more,
But the day you disregard me,
I will drive my will into heaven and hell to make sure you regret it,
You won’t see me until it’s too late,
Im not one to turn to despair,
I’ll turn to anger and fill with rage,
I’ll let the hatred consume me until my eyes bleed black joy at  the thought of your whimpering carcass laid at my feet,
This is what it’s like to be cursed,
This is how I handle rejection,
So don’t go there,
Spare yourself my wrath,
If your not up to the job,
Don’t make me your happily ever after.

she ran her fingers down his cheek,
And across his weathered shoulder,
in and out of the holes in his t shirt,
down his emancipated arms,
tracing the track marks with her fingernail,
there was a fresh plaster today,
that made 4,
4 pieces of tape holding his arm together
she felt loss for the fallen pieces of her man,
soon he would have more plaster than skin,
she wanted to chuckle at the thought of her plaster man,
but she didn’t have the energy,
they hadn’t eaten today,
she couldn’t remember if she’d eaten yesterday either,
An open can of cider lay on the floorboards next to her mattress,
At least she’d  had something she thought to herself,
there was an odour in the air,
a off smell,
she thought she recognised it but...
couldn’t quite focus on it,
It’s familiarity danced in the background of her thoughts,
“what’s the smell”
she asked,
“hey”
she summoned what energy she had and nudged him,
“wake up lover” she half spoke,
half slurred,
“hey” she said again,
She tried to concentrate on when he’d last got high,
she couldn’t think of when she’d last got high,
She knew she’d been asleep,
“Wake up”
She threw her arm over his shoulder and pulled him over towards her,
His eyes were open,
His mouth was open..
All at once she remembered that smell,
Suddenly she remembered everything,
In that moment,
She was left with nothing,
Nothing but the recognition of what death smelt like.

Smokey bars and lucid scars
Muted truths,
Memories of a distant youth,
Stolen scenes from magazines,
Amphetamines,
Walking in on adult scenes.
Old enough to run away,
Hopeless born out of decay,
Wise enough to see the wrong,
Write a poem,
Sing a song.
The smell of cigarettes and whisky still disarm,
The shiny glint from razor blades still holds a tempting charm,
They’re  the voices of my troubled youth,
Trying to pull me down,
The circus i escaped from,
Pining for it’s clown.

I never knew I needed you,
And now I’m lost
without you..

Make your peace,
Don’t waste your efforts  -
Trying to make it disappear,
Embrace your fear,
For you are your past,
Your present and future,
All your journeys mould your path,
Hell hath......,
No fury,
But surely,
It must of known it - to deny it,
Try it,
Look in the mirror and see yourself,
count to twelve,
Then say hello,
To the you that you didn’t really know.

I cant help but cry,
Your all I can see when I close my eyes.
Though it’s causing me pain,
I listen to your voicemail over again,
It won’t make things better,
But I can’t stop breathing in the smell from your sweater,
Your cup’s on the side,
I can’t bare to wash it,
I can’t bare that you died,
Your mum wants to see me ,
She’ll want to talk about you,
But I don’t want to talk because it will make it all true,
Your friends are sending messages,
But all they are doing is adding to my helplessness,
I can’t carry on,
Everything’s broken and it’s all going wrong,
So many why’s,
Why your all  I can see when I close my eyes.

wM