I see you smile to yourself



Leap for joy
Over the moon for you
Very pretty
Everyone says


Your hand feels warm
On my own
Untouchable dream

I smile
And I laugh
I have to
I can’t let them see
I’m suffering
How I can’t breath
While I’m crying in the dark
I don’t want them to ask
‘Are you okay?’
Because I don’t want to answer
“No, I’m not”
Because I feel like I’m drowning
In my own ocean of woes
But they won’t care
They’ll send me off with words of promise
And I’m back
Alone
In the dark

Dice
And Roses
Dungeons And
Dragons
Long hair piled up
Secret  smiles
Knees brushing

I want to flip my hair
I want to laugh
I want to date a football player
I want to be popular


I want to climb a mountain
I want to bungee jump
I want to tame a tiger
I want to feel dangerous

I want to have a 4.0 GPA
I want to have straight A’s
I want to get accepted into Yale
I want to be a genius

I want to smile
I want to laugh
I want to be with my friends deep into the night
I want to dress up, wear cute clothes
I want to write
I want to bake
I want to become a lawyer
I want to be me


I can’t be me
I can’t commit to anything
I can’t stay true
I can’t stay true to myself
I can’t stay true to the ones I love
I can’t stay in one place


I have to stop
I have to make better choices
I have to study
I have to make better of myself

I wave my decorated stick
I push the button to my screwdriver
I imagine myself going on great adventures

I bury my nose deeper into the book
Watching the tale in my head
I laugh
I cry
I smile
All with them
I feel the same pain

I see myself on a pirate ship
Back to back with my captain
Sword in my hand while I fight off raiders of the sea

I feel the wind in my hair when I'm on a terrace
A flowy night gown and a tiara
Are the only people to hear the declaration of love

I memorize each page,
I remember each character.
I live and die
My heart breaks for the heart broken

But then I am pulled away
Back to school
Back to my mundane life
Dreaming of tales I can never live

I crawl
Up towards the secret
Kept between the lips of
Mother
Grandmother
and grandfather

A step
A creak
A flinch
A step

I watch
The Doors


I step
And step

Then
I stop

The must
of
The old
Clothes
Furniture
Long forgotten
Wasting their days
Singing a song
Of when they were used

A prom dress
Sang a song
Of her first dance
Her first kiss


A couch
Told story
Of woe
A widow's
Tears forever stained
On the back


A long white dress
Hummed a tune
Of Love
Though
Love forgotten
In the midst of a war'

The scent
Of history lingered
Her family's story
Seeping though


The emotions
The tears
The laughter
It's still here
But the memories
Seeping through the cracks

Thine smile of beauty
Eyes that of sun
You are mine
I am yours
To dream of you
Is to dream of the stars themselves
Impossible beauty
No matter what my love,
I will always be true
I hope I will receive the same,
my love

I flinch as you yell

Losing a battle is never easy
Over imagination
Very true to you
Everyone is on your side.

You hold me in the dark
Only I could ever love you
Understood

When I look in the mirror
Pick, point, and pull
Pull at my belly fat
Pick at my face
And point to my tears
“Crybaby”

To teach the word of God
I had to sign a slip
"Homosexuality is a sin"
The Lord's ears were deaf to my cries
To be perfect in God's eyes
I can't love women
Maybe I should be punished for my sins

Meeting eyes
Fleeting hearts
Mouths grinning
Heart swelling

First date
Take me home
First Kiss
Closed doors

Cuddling and
Hand holding
Soft kisses
In the
Moonlight Still

Kisses and laughter
Throwing food
At eachother

Nervous laughter
Dinner at
Le Beaute
On Knee
Ring out
I do!

Wedding plans
Dresses and veils
Tuxes and Flowers
Crying and
Arguing

Making up
Walking down
Bright smile
Giving away

I do
I do
Sharing rings
Husband
Wife

First dance
Cake Smashing
Pictures dancing

Off to
France

Photos and memories
Mking love
Back home

Month later
Positve line
Screaming for joy

Nursery setup
White crib
Blue walls
Diapers
And love

She wakes
And screams
It’s time!

They rush

They go in
Push and
Push and
Breath and
Push and
Push and
Breath

All done
No crying
My baby
Where is
He
Give me
My baby

Hes gone

Sad eyes
Teary cries
Baby gone
Husband trying
Wife dying

Baby gone
No cries