I was a little crazy at 19
when we met on the back streets in the city
dancing dizzy through the crowds
when I drank too much
and you told me it didn't mean anything
even when we couldn't stop

I was a little crazy at 19
but the summers counted for something
because I saw you in the sunlight
I saw you
and it made my heart stop
somewhere near Hyde Park
in a moment we'll never get back
and I wouldn't change that

I was a little crazy at 19
in a way we all tend to be
but I miss feeling like I didn't know who I was going to be
or where life would take me
before everything just faded to grey
and wanting anything more became a haze

We are back to sleeping alone
centre of the bed
in places we used to call home

It feels empty
in a way it never did
before you shifted the mattress
before you stole the covers

It feels quiet
without the city on the outside
without you talking in your sleep

It all feels different
and so do I

Falling out of love with you feels like survivors guilt
Like growing pains

Echos of teenage dramatics
Forever etched into the bark of trees long felled

The bittersweet sting of irony

The grass isn't greener
Out in the wilderness with no path to follow
No north star to guide me home

No sense of freedom to speak of
No new day, fresh start, weight lifted

Falling out of love with you feels like the worst thing I've ever done

She's probably beautiful
Soft and kind in the way I want to be
She remembers all the details
All your shared history

Its real from the paperwork on the coffee table
to the arguments on the worst days
The tiny things you forget to say

Even when it's difficult she makes it look easy
A world away from who I tend to be

Maybe it's simple to love her
No sharp edges
And second guessing

Maybe she doesn't flinch when you touch her
Or get swallowed up by anxiety

Maybe it's all exactly how it's supposed to be