Like Cortes or Columbus
Combining like clouds
To storm upon thy heart
Conquering every crevice
Chaining your cheerfulness
So that you wither in wants
Watching with a weathered sigh
As it tirelessly loads treasures
That were known and unknown to you
Upon silent ships that set sail
Destined to return to dazzling far off places
And oh the tales it’ll tell
As you woefully wail

do I want that other
ruled by the heart like me
would that be better, one with the words like mine and the thoughts like mine
would I feel less different, less odd, less trouble?
Would I miss that dark pinch somewhere inside when the edges rub together
and they don't mesh
and it's more like sandpaper than silk
that thing that makes me try harder, live in the pain more, be everything good at 3 am
would I grow bored if he had all the right words
is the trying for the words that don't come more intoxicating than the ready flow?

do you see that?
over there reflected in the window
what is that?
Behind me in the mirror
I feel hot breath on my neck
but something tells me not to turn around
it's just the warm breeze
keep going forward and don't turn around

sometimes I think I can hear it
making odd sounds that
seem hissed through a smiling mouth
if there is a mouth
I wouldn't know because
I never turn around, look under the bed
but it's in the corner of my eye
then it's gone
It hides in the horizon of my memories
in the shadows then it disappears in the light
or only hides better
but I know it's there
behind us all, waiting to lap us up
while we go about our meaningless business

the ones who do turn around, who look behind the door
we know them when we see them
but we pretend there's something wrong
something broken about them
because admitting they're right
means we have to turn around, face the thing

that's really only time itself
watching us waste it, waiting to lap us up

Words creep up
my arms like
many knives
aiming for the
blue railway tracks
of my
veins
they always
pump too loud
in my ears
I can't focus
on the
vitriol
thoughts in
my head
which demand
so much
that I
cannot give

I scream for
mercy that
I
do not
deserve

for the shadowed
woman
on the wall
to lay down
her gun
and hold me
so our
hearts sync
and the
world doesn't
hurt so
badly
anymore

I pray for
the
demons in
my skull
and chest
to
quit
their
racket
and let me
sleep

perhaps

eternal
sleep would
be
the
answer
but I am
competitive
and I would
hate
to let
them win

I ice my
feet
so when
I am
running
on the
thin ice
that holds me
like
chicken wire
fences and
tight skirt netting
so I can
slide through
the candlelight
and
emerge
a glorious
beast in the
darkness of
the nightmares

I look to
the
window
on my
left

hands
banging
incessantly
on the pane
I feel the pane
of bruised
fingers
and gums
as I
grit my
teeth and cage
the
screams that
long to
escape
I hold a
prisoner
in my
chest
that dances
like the
stomping of those
elephants
the beating
of my
breathing
living
consuming
heart
it pulls me
under

I let
it take me
down

until the
city lights are
reflected
in the
darkened
swampland

that is the

body of my

body of my

lake and
I swim
deep past
the
other
corpses
to the
sunken ships
and
skeletons with
hollowed eyes

I can
only stare
as my
life flashes
in sparks
of engine
ignites

of stars
flickering
twinkling
in and
out of
existence like
the sparkle
on the teardrop
from my
lover's
starburst
eyes

Weigh me
down
until my feet
are tied to concrete
and the sun
doesn't burn my hair
like forest fires
any longer.

I am
free flying
a dangerous sport
for those
unaccustomed
to safety
it tastes
like bitter promises
of dark chocolate
and tinted
soap suds.

Merrily
****** me quickly
before I see the stars
too long
and can no
longer love
the dark
that has been a
gentle lover
for longer
than is normal.