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  Dec 2021 Nikita Tshawe
rhiannon
u see the knife
you watch the glow
u see me smile
but can't hear me cry
u think i'm happy
but inside i'm breaking
u see the blood
then u realize
that i wasn't
lying
when i said
i'm depressed!
u wish u gave me the
support i needed
but now it's too late.
I'm dying inside...
  Dec 2021 Nikita Tshawe
Cynthia
I don't feel special,
I'm not unique.
I want to cry
but I can't even speak.
My hands reach out,
but they cannot hold
a single thing
but the bitter cold.
Everything's frozen,
I feel lost.
Even my tears
have turned to frost.
When I cut my waist
it bleeds black.
I'm so deeply gone
there's no way back.
This is goodbye
Nikita Tshawe Dec 2021
There's a man.
He left his home.
For a better life.
More opportunities.
He left for Johannesburg.
The city of gold.
Girls are beautiful and bold.
He misses home.
His mother.
His father.
He has to stay here.
Stay here and hope,
For a brighter future.
A record deal.
The next meal,
Is a mystery.
He lives in a squabble.
He wears the same jeans.
He hopes.
He prays,
For a better life.
Make his parents proud.
Is he good enough?
There's a million out there like him.
What makes him special?
Better than the others.
Is it luck it depends on?
Is it honest hard work?
He works hard.
He tries hard.
Nothing happens.
He yearns for it.
He needs it.
A glamorous life.
He fakes it.
They say fake it until you make it.
He fakes it alright.
But never makes it.
He is a mockery.
They stopped believing in him.
Will he ever make it?
Less talented people have signed deals.
What is wrong with him?
He struggles with mental health.
He doesn't know how to love.
He doesn't know how to live.
Why doesn't he reach his high heights?
Why does he not make it?
Help him.
Somebody help him.
He's becoming bitter.
He's starting to hate everyone who makes it.
Thinking, where did he wrong?
Sleeping on his friend's couch.
Maybe he should have studied law.
He's special.
But he's no Eminem.
He's no Jay Z.
He's no J Cole.
He's no Drake.
Who is he really?
Nobody knows.
Nikita Tshawe Nov 2021
you said you loved me,
i heard you say it.
you said you cared for me,
i heard you say it.

where are you going?
why are you leaving?
have you had enough of my loving?
come back here, don't you hear me screaming?

you see me crying,
yet you still choose to walk away from me.
don't you see me trying?
is this what it's come to be?

not going to ask you again,
where do you think you're going?
i can't describe this pain.
i can't comprehend this feeling.

this feeling, it is foreign.
i thought we were meant to be.
i missed everything, any sign.
tell me that this isn't us, it isn't me!

tell me that i'm dreaming.
this can't be happening.
you are not leaving.
tell me i'm imagining.

it's in my head, it's all in my head.
you are here to stay,
unless i am dead,
we are forever and a day.

you said you loved me,
i heard you say it.
you said you cared for me,
i heard you say it.

look me in the eye.
and tell me that we are going to be alright.
tell me, that this is all a lie.
please, hold me tight.

you can't leave.
not this way,
i find this hard to believe.
please stay.

i need you.
only you.
it's always been you.
i've always been true.

don't you care for me anymore?
i'll change, i'll be better.
let's go back to how it was before.
only you and i matter.

she will never love you like i can.
i'd swallow the river for you.
you are my man.
i'd write a million songs for you.

you need me.
i know that you do.
you care for me.
i can see that you really do.

you said you loved me,
i heard you say it.
you said you cared for me,
i heard you say it.
Nikita Tshawe Nov 2021
As I wipe, all I hope to see is blood
Lord knows I ain't ready for no child
God, I'm sorry I chose to be blind
I knew it was wrong
But it had been so long
Since someone was inside me
So I let him ****** inside me
Been so lonely
I don't have any money
To care of an offspring
It was only a fling
I am praying
For a miracle
Wishing to be infertile
Just this once
A kid without any vows
Would be a sin
And I'd much rather drink gin
Than be pregnant
Nikita Tshawe Oct 2021
i couldn't make you love me
as much as i tried
gave you the best of me
loved you with everything I had
i didn't hold anything back
but you could never love me
even if you tried
it just wasn't in you
i just wasn't the one
not for you
you needed someone else
you wanted something else
not what i gave to you
i wish i'd known better
enough to walk away sooner
the flashbacks of me begging
you to stay with me
still haunt me to this day
i still can't believe i acted that way
i can't believe how desperate i was
for you to love me
as much as i loved you
unrequited love is a *****
it hurts like nothing else
i'd give anything to take it all back
save my love for someone else
someone who can love me back
as much as i love them
or maybe even more
enough to make up for your part
Nikita Tshawe Sep 2021
Good day Sir!
Please kindly help me.
I am lost.
I am looking for the road to salvation.
Where there's aspiration and elevation.
Please point me in the right direction.
Where can I find real happiness?
Where can I stumble upon real love?
Do I turn left or right?
Go straight on and continue to fight?
Until I see the light?
Please help me kind sir, I've been seeking all my life.
I've been to the after life.
Searching and pleading.
Bruised, broken and bleeding.
Knelt in the middle of the road and prayed,
But it seems I have been betrayed,
By God's word and my faith.
I've been sent on a wild goose chase.
I've been lurking for days.
On this path to deliverance.
In pursuit of paradise.
I have been lost for so long.
Trying to find where I belong.
I've met demons who led me astray.
And angels who helped pave my way.
I'm exhausted from walking,
I've grown weary from wandering.
My soles are covered in blisters.
People mocking me, I hear their whispers.
"Look at her shoes.
Is this the life she would choose?"
They are whispering so softly,
Yet so loud.
I am beginning to question my sound mind.
People are cruel, yet you seem kind.
Please help me.
I am sorry to disturb your peace,
You're so lucky to have found it.
Have you traveled this route before?
Is there a shorter way? Tell me more.
My feet refuse to carry me any further.
My heart is as light as a feather.
I've run out of breath.
I'm on the verge of death.
Please say you can help me.
I am lost.
I am looking for the road to salvation.
Where there's aspiration and elevation.
Please point me in the right direction.
I've been told that I am the chosen one.
That I shall break the chains of generations to come.
But how can I?
I am so lost.
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