years later and i still can’t let you go.
i still remember that night in december long ago when i realized i loved you, and i remember the fear i felt because i knew this would change me forever.
i cried and i punched and i hated myself for letting myself fall for you, but before i knew it i was stuck in a dark abyss with no way out, and it was far too late, so here i am.
ever since you’ve gone, nothing feels real. its like i’m stuck in a dream state, and i’m waiting to wake up one day to your arms around me and the rhythm of your breathing.
it kills me that i haven’t seen your face and been in your presence in so long.
maybe i really never will get over you,
maybe you never will stop being the reason i do the things i do,
maybe there never will be an us again,
but you will without a doubt always be my last thoughts as i gaze into the pretty city lights and the twinkling stars.
a part of my heart will always be yours.
a part of my body will always be yours.
a part of my mind will always be yours.
a part of my soul will always be yours.
i will forever wait for you, and i know one day, if we ever reunite, i will fall for you all over again, and it will be as beautiful as the first time.

Titles make me weird
I mean how do you word what your words are trying to explain
It’s confusing see words just flow with me I don’t think I just write and type until I look at the screen and I stare and ponder I just let my hands write that which they choose  whenever my eyes red and full take in my soul when my body’s in harmony because I’m slightly too intoxicated but it’s fine, because it’s making me feel alive, listening too old acoustic songs that make you feel like your flying and that’s where I write, I write when I’m in the deepest cave at the bottom of the endless sea, where there is little oxygen or room to breathe, my soul will break through the rock and let me float away through and across where no human has gone before, that’s where I see my minds creations is where my heart belongs it’s where my soul breaths it’s my home eternal and true
But let it not be said that my perfect home no matter how old my soul seems to be, is with you with your arms around me,
They are my ultimate perfections,
You were
No are
The most important thing to me
And that’s where my heart truly beats
Where my soul can break
It’s final resting place
I’ll lay it all on you if you just once promise me forever and always
I will genuinely vow
Because if you genuinely feel that way I think I’d know
So I think in time we could
Because right now I love you more than words can describe

I wanna write but my words are empty
I can’t breathe without not wanting too
I can’t sleep knowing who you’re next to
I can’t eat because my stomach won’t let me
I can’t scream because my lungs refuse
I can’t stand the sound of my own heartbeat
Is this normality?
To shake at the thought of leaving my home
To hate the feeling in a crowded room
Even if it’s the people you love the most
I’m only comfortable when I’m alone
I’m just trying to get by
But when there’s nothing to keep you breathing
No glue to stop you breaking
No **** can make you high
No alcohol can make you forget,

Nothing but what you remembered from the fall through December back again to in mid spring then your mind went to somewhere in July when the sun was high and together you soared above every and anything that you both saw, took every chance made every mistake but you did it so gloriously you made it painlessly and you survived with them by your side but now it’s gone
And you both know it went on for so long
But the thought that somewhat it went wrong still it haunts your head so full of now grief and sorrow but for the person you lost so quickly and it felt like less than a year but a entire lifetime because some part of you refuses to let you believe it was real, the aftermath of it all keeps you realising it was real it was a living nightmare
when they left
you remember how suddenly your nights got cold and your days short, the weeks started feeling like months and 5 days in to the month you felt it had already dragged about 7 years, but you kept going even though you’d lost yet another light, not even that but two
I somehow managed
Alone
Broken
Scared

But alive
I am alive

How do I word this
There were complications
Not at the start
I felt it kick
I watched it grow
I bonded with something I’d never seen
And I cleaned up the mess
With bleach and scouring
I removed most of the blood
Off the now off coloured concrete
I watched out for the ambulance
Helped them through the door
I also was left alone at home
Not knowing how bad it was
Parts of me still don’t fully understand
But I’d never make any demand
That even my worst enemy would endure
The pain of a labour that defaulted
A life that was meaninglessly tore away
A last chance at indefinitely
But I still don’t know how too word it
But I’ll try
Rest in peace my little sibling
I didn’t even say goodbye
- too all the people that understand this I’m sorry x