I promised myself I'd call today
so that I could somehow convey
that I think of you an awful lot,
but I'm sorry. that's as far as I got.

It's happened before. Probably will again.
And each time I think I will call you when
my emotions are less raw and calm down a bit,
so you only hear Happy in the words I transmit.

But doubt flickers behind it all,
killing the idea and I don't call.
And always, I re-vow my intent
but I'm sure you thought me negligent.

How could you know though? Surprised, I cry.
All those indecisive moments have passed me by.
Those moments I chose silence were easier on my fears,
but my God, all those moments have turned into years!

So today, please don't be quite so inclined
To believe you were never on my mind.
You were-so much-but all the what-ifs
effectively induced my paralysis.

I know how angry you must be.
I feel anger, too!
Right now, probably all you see
Is emptiness for you.

It isn’t fair. That’s for sure.
Are you painfully asking why
Of all to choose from, God, why her?
How could He let her die?

Soon, an answer will work for you
And its sense will calm your mind.
It may take a year, or a month or two,
But you’ll know when it’s defined.

After that, you may be surprised
When you look up and see
That the world had not exercised
One pause for sympathy!

It kept right on turning,
And it’s still right here.
And by then you will be learning
That you are, too, my dear.

By Robin Stacks
copyright 2017