Do you know how it feels for you to not love me?

It's like you stabbed me in the lungs and trying to breath
My chest burning in pain
and I just try to breathe and smile
because you didn't know what you did.

I try to support you and care like normal
when all I want to do is scream
"don't you know what you've done to me"
but I can't be angry, you never knew

Loving you is the most beautiful and painful thing I've ever done

It’s three in the morning and the darkness is suffocating
A picture of a happy family rests next to me
But I haven’t known them for a long time
I think back
Where we ever really happy?

Please stop looking at me like that
Please stop yelling at me
I’m not worthless, or lazy, or stupid
Am I?
Please tell me you were joking
Tell me water isn’t thicker than blood
Where did you go?
Why did you leave?






I toss and turn
The invisible chains of the past cut deep into my wrists
The voices scream and my head pounds
Tears spill out of my eyes and blood gushes from where I’ve bitten my lip too hard
Please save your little girl
Please tell me you still love me

Broken is my mind
The smile is a lie
So go ahead, friends and classmates, and push and punch and beat me
Abuse my body like they abused my heart and brain
Please don’t stop until I’m not crying anymore
Please don’t stop until I stop breathing
Please **** me, it’ll be a better fate

What is this?
Therapy?
So you finally realize that your child is broken?
You finally admit it, I’m a mistake?
You want me to become something?
To be just like you?
To have no voice?
Yes, of course, whatever you say
I’ll never be good enough for you, will I?

It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?
I’m broken but happy and getting better
No, don’t ever call me that name again
Never call me baby girl
Who you thought I was never existed
I was just trying to be something you wanted
So please, leave me alone
Please just go
Please let me heal and grieve
Please know I love you no matter what I say
But I, we, can never be the same
So please be proud and happy with the fact you almost killed your daughter
Please never forget
Please do me this one favor
Please?

Dear Sunshine,

Where did you go?
Why can't I see you?
Please come back
I'm so cold

The Darkness is closing in Sunshine
It hurts
Scarlet lines scar my pale skin
The Darkness is choking me
I'm scared

Sunshine, where are you?
The Darkness haunts me
My eyes burn
My arms are red
Where are you?
Why aren't you here?

It's gettin harder to breath
I won't stop bleeding
The Darkness is taking over
Goodbye Sunshine, I'm sorry

The Darkness won.

All I ever wanted was to protect you
Ever since we were little
All I ever wanted was to keep you safe from the demons that surrounded us
But you saved me instead

You kept me safe for all those years
Now you're gone and I’m in tears
I miss you so much it’s not even fair
I love you so much
You were the one who was there

All I ever wanted was to chase the dark away
Wipe your eyes dry, please don’t cry
But I couldn’t save you like you saved me
I failed miserably
I couldn’t even take care of me

How can I go on without admitting
You have my heart completely
I’ll make you proud one day I swear
Just so you know I care

All I ever wanted was for us to stand together
Through rain and shine no matter the weather
Holding you close cause we were all we had
I so sorry I made you grow up fast

Thank you so much for keeping me safe
One day when I find my place
I’ll see who’s good in this godawful race
But just so you know you’re the one I love most
No one else will ever come close

All I ever wanted was to keep you safe
Cause you were all I ever had
I’m glad we made it safe and sound
I promise to never let you down.