I have not experienced a natural disaster but I've held one within me

The longest death I've ever felt is staying alive

I only have 5 minutes
To spare this poetry
Here it goes:

5.
I do not wish to be seen
Said the old man in me
So leave me alone
Cause I don't want to be

4.
For I've been running away
This is what I hate
And I envy everyone else
Who are not in the same fate.

3.
What have I become?
Where will I go?
The questions are left unanswered
And I've searched high and low.

2.
To be strong once more
In my world full of doubt
To be strong while I lose
In my latest bout.

1.
I wish I had more time
Just like before
I only have 5 minutes
And I wish I had more.

It’s a vital red
A scorpion’s sting
A piercing and
Unending scream
It ripped apart the
Heart of me
And still it
Goes on running

Some days I am swimming,
most days I am sinking.
There is never a day where I
can simply just float.