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  Jan 2019 Alexander T
Call me a name,
**** me with words

Forget about me,
It’s what I deserve.
I’m suicidal and depressed
  Jan 2019 Alexander T
The moon split in half
And the stars crumbled,
Falling like fireworks into the sea.

I watched my world
Fall apart the day
My love left me.
I thought I loved someone... turns out I didn’t know what love was until it was too late. I loved him.... or at least I thought I did....but for some reason I can’t get over’s like everywhere I look I see him. Then it just makes me sad and I break down.
  Jan 2019 Alexander T
What if I told you
I want to die?
That i’m tired of living,
Of being alive?

What if I told you
It gets worse at night?
The thoughts get louder,
And nothing is right?

What if I died?
Would you even cry?
Would you even care?
If I took my own life?
Tbh.... I kinda wrote this for my ex....he doesn’t have an account on here so don’t try to find him on here....but this is kind of what I want to ask him.
I read a quote somewhere that said,
"I don't know how many times I have survived myself, without telling anyone else."

And I felt those words shoot through every nerve in my body. I felt them so deeply.

And I wonder how many of us feel the same way.

How many nights we fought off the suicidal thoughts, the urge to cut, the urge to purge, the urge to run or to hide out, alone, too afraid to worry or bother our friends and family.

How many days and nights have we all suffered in our own darkness alone?

People like us fight a battle no one can ever fathom because it's a battle no one can see. And we don't let them.

I've fought myself and survived myself alone so many nights.

There were nights I use to lose my own battle. But some how still came out alive.

I guess that's how we keep going. Because every time we give up we come out stronger.

You fight yourself and beat yourself up for so long that eventually you become a master of surviving a war.

We're warriors.

"I don't know how many times I've survived myself, without telling anyone else."

Tonight, I'm telling all of you.

I survived myself.

And if you're still here and you're reading this, you survived yourself too.

It's not easy but you did it.

And I'm so proud of you all.
The original quote "I dont know how many times I survived myself, without telling anyone else.", which triggered the whole poem was written by @deadwatered. A talented poet I follow on tumblr.
Alexander T Nov 2018
holding my hand
i was on top of the world
the lights all around
defining what surrounds

the feelings that I have for you
in this monthly dream
walking down the street
never thinking about the reality

look at that smile
the happiest girl in the world
im the proudest man alive
I never knew what was coming

this month thats coming
the coldest ever recorded
  Nov 2018 Alexander T
c l e o
i am a rose.
i sit here in this garden of beautiful flowers. Everyone is so different. Some are sweet and kind, others are dark and cold. Some are sprouted out. Their petals strongly grasping on to reality while others are barely blooming. Hiding away in their fantasy. Will you call upon them? Do you too wonder what is happening beneath their petals?

i am a rose.

i envy the other blossoms. The Lavender’s violet shades pull you in and your mouth waters as the strong scent fills the air calming you. It seeps into your pores and you pluck her. She is victorious. She brags and boasts and you treasure her forever. I am a rose. The daisies are reserved. They give a shy smile and you fall in love. They are the spring essence you crave. They say no words but paragraphs come from their hello. Should i have been quieter? Would that satisfy you? I wish i was but

I am a rose.

Dark and depressed, i am doing my best and im sorry my thorns intimidate you. For this reason, i will never be picked.
  Nov 2018 Alexander T
c l e o
I was born
they didn't care
I cut myself at the park
they didn't care
I starved myself for them
they didn't care
I became an angel

Now, do they care?
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