Some say I'm not the same
maybe I have changed
I used to be able to tell
used to be able to know
what's wrong with me...?

Is it my face? Or my hair,
maybe my eyes do not glow
it's cause my frown doesn't show
I'm not good at my grades
but I am at the stage
I know how to act every day

I may not be beautiful
i may not be smart,
but I love them
I love you
why isn't that enough?

You say it's on me
if I explode
from the lies that I've said
to spare my sickness from your head,
and it is said it's my fault
if I end up dead

what is wrong with me!?
why do I think these thoughts
what is wrong with me?
why am I so distraught
i know I'm not special
i know I'm not alone
then why do I feel so cold?

It's on me,
they don't understand
it's my fault,
that they want me to frown
it's my fault,
less guilt on their crowns
that they want me to be happy
when they are happy
to lighten
to be ok
why are they
so two faced

But still.. it's not all of them
they are loving
they are kind
they could understand,
but I only wish
that they could see
that the pain that's in me
isn't for them
to feel

And i get it all
i've understood it all
overthought it all
every moment
every motion
all the pain
that I cannot share
there is to much I know
for me to show

You may think not
you'll pass this without a care
but just so you know
I will keep on smiling
i'll keep hiding
till you are merry
and if not
I still don't know

What's wrong with me...

Close your eyes,
pretend to fly

But, somehow, your not
pretending anymore
once the darkness glazed over,
it becomes real,
you swim in the
clouds and glowing yellow sky
the cool, cold, but warm air
fills and surrounds your soul
replacing the emptiness,
inside

And now you realize,
this is reality
this is your dream
your capable of smashing all
things your expected to be,
because this is your fairy tale dream

The beautiful sky
that your free to fly,
fades,
now it's water,
you float upon it's calm surface
just above the darkness that
intends to swallow you
but it doesn't.
it's so calm the water reflects
the stars above, my friends,
this is the calm before every storm,
the quiet voice before the trailed, de-railed, echo
and despite the seas promise not to pull you into darkness, it does,

This is my home, the sea keeps me captive in it's darkness, my only light is my night sky
but this, is even worse
the monsters that lurk here
mock me, for being here and not even in reach of my light, my illuminant, Night Sky

I'm trapped here, but this is a dream isn't it? Yes... No
but I'm not really here, so yes, I've been told I go around as a hypocrite, by people whom I try to help, people who figure out why I'm so good with other people's seas of darkness and lurking, mocking, monsters, is because I hide my own. I dream my own.

This is no cry for help,
I'm not some ticking time bomb
ready to start the next world war,
no.. I do what others cant,
what psychologists and beruocrats cant stand to hear,
Is I put others dark ocean of emotion, before my own
I'm capable of understanding
and standing under others judgemental tries, because I'm more, your more, then reality

If you truly are more
then this world full
of people who believe
that others pain
is some sort of joke,
You know,
You already have an
Understanding
of the full picture
you have a understanding
that not only do I bottle my
pain so I am capable
of mending others happy endings
But because I can't open up
because it's to much
and I'd rather it inside me then others
Because I love so many others
I can't,
and this may seem like some rant,
Some poorly organized throw up
of emotion on a digital page
but this is my ocean
this is my sea
this is my illuminant sea life
reminding me how I can't have
Real stars
So I become others
Fairy Tale Fixture

I always bother you
though I never try.
I hate the tears
but I cant keep from the cry.
you are everywhere I can never find
everywhere
but by my side
and its pathetic,
I  know it is

and yet...
I cant keep the panic at bay

and still....
anxiety steals my words before i can say

i m i s s y o u

i l o v e y o u

w i l l y o u s t i l l r e t u r n

w i l l i e v e r l e a r n

w i l l y o u l o v e m e i f i d o
    
w i l l y o u l o v e m e i f i d o n o t