i wish i could touch your skin
and know what it feels like
against mine

do you have
starry eyes, red cheeks and
soft lips
when you’re loved ?

i want to get to know your soul

now when I think of love I want to puke,
the thought literally makes me sick to my stomach because I know now what it does to a person

how you lose yourself in someone else and then all of sudden you can't breathe anymore without them

I am promising myself to never be that stretched again,
to give myself a try for once, relying only on my intuition and will to power through life and relationships, never getting too blind to see things as they really are

I wanna know what it's like to be so good alone that the earth shatters when I take a step,
electricity radiates from my skin and my soul is so loud it shouts through my eyes

I had forgotten about the way you typed
and the emojis you used
about the way you didn’t sleep at night
and about your corny jokes

yesterday you came back
not as a lover
but as a friend

it had been months
since we last spoke

apparently
I wasn’t the only one staring at the ceiling at night
thinking about what our love used to be
about the way you hurt me
about your disappearance into the night

yesterday you came back
yesterday you came back

and i’m not sure  
what the universe has in mind for our future

Hours since I last saw you
Still, I think about you

Your smell put me on the edge,
And your taste...
I’d drink you all day
If only you didn’t keep me up all night

My dear Green Tea,
Your bitterness will never leave me
And your lightness is everything I see

the leaves are falling
I look through my window, and wish to see tainted memories
but all I can witness
is the weather changing

you’ve been gone for a long time now
and I don’t think about you that often anymore

the leaves are getting yellow
and I’ve never felt so radiant in a while
the leaves are getting brown
and I’ve never felt so content in loving my own self

your memory has no longer control
on who I am
on how I act
on who I love
on how I feel

I'm free from the ghost
that used to be our love

and I’ve never felt lighter
I’ve never felt happier

i keep on meeting new souls,
who resonate in mine
their laughter stay in my mind,
and i never forget the color of their voices

yet, i seem to forget that who i am
and who i have become
isn’t ready to connect with any other

their smile touch me
but what they feel in their heart,
the warmness of their love,
doesn’t exist in my body anymore

my chest has become a castle,
where weeds have grown and walls have been built

no matter how beautiful a mind is
i just can’t love it yet

i need the roots that have taken place in my body to set me free
i need to be gentle
i need to be patient

i need to build myself from the ground
and it will take time

i.
cry it out. a lot.
until you don’t have any tears left in your body.
until the pain makes your body and your emotions numb.
until you feel empty inside,
lying on the floor, wondering why there’s a stain on the ceiling.

ii.
sleep. a lot.
you’ll reach for their body in your bed to bring them closer,
but realize there’s nothing more than the cold mattress and the lonely blanket.
it won’t feel warm after a while.
it’s alright.

iii.
go out. a lot.
feel the coldness of the night wind on your red cheeks.
feel the warmness of the shots of ***** in your throat.
being surrounded by friends has never felt so essential.
they’re the special ones, the golden ones.
keep them close.

iv.
wait. a lot.
nothing will feel right for a while.
sometimes everything will feel better.
and then it’ll all suddenly come back in waves.
it’s alright.
it takes time to become whole again.