I use to think I had it bad
And sure yea I've been through ****
But that's in the past
I use to write all sad
And sure yea sometimes I get gloomy

But that's over

Now I'm gonna write funny
Or at least try my humor is not good
But better then my rhymes
And I'm not in it for the money
No... no one laughed
It's suppose to be a bad rhyme
thats part of the joke
Oh... so my poem is a joke
Well you wanna no what
*It is a **** fine joke then

I am not one to admit defeat,
Call it pride
Call it persistence.
I just never gave up,
But recently that ended,
My body just stopped
My heart had died
No longer could I
Stop my own
...
Defeat

Thanks for dropping by
We had a good talk
Shared a few laughs
Can't wait till we can talk again

I don't know what you do
But you kind words
Always give me a smile

I don't know who you are
Yet I look foward
To every poem

I don't know why
You leave a those comments
But I do know
That I'm thankful that you do

My friends say that I'm fat
And I act slightly taken a back
My phriends say That I am ph fat
That way its cooler
And I say I'm not fh fat
That I am phat
Which is some phucking *******
Fhucking is cool when fh or ph
And my fhriends agree
And my phriends agree

I try to be there
For my friends
Even with my words
I make it feel like I'm there
Make it like I'm holding them
I try to be that friend they need

I know friends come and go

I know the ones you miss
Are the ones you cared about
I know the ones you fight to keep
Are the ones that were the best

But I don't know why
Friends leave
Without saying
Goodbye

I hate goodbyes
I really do
But I hate leaving even more
Especially without a word
But we both know our time is done
We've been friends
We've been more
And we've had benefits
I wished it wouldn't have ended
I wished we didn't drift
But we did
It's my fault
But It's time to say goodbye
And I truly mean it
I'm not going to message you just goodbye
Cuz that looks petty and seems *******-ish
So this is goodbye.
Old friend
I've tried my best to stay friends
But there is no try
Only do or do not

Here you stay
And break me down

Hear me crumble
And shatter on the ground

Hear my soul
Be ****** away

And here my body
Will always lay

I hide my emotions because you wouldn't understand
   If you knew I had nightmares
You wouldn't believe me
You would talk about how carefree I am.
   If you heard that I am weak
You wouldn't listen
You would say something about my muscles
   If you saw how scared I am
You wouldn't think it was me
Saying to yourself how fearless I act

But I stay up at night because of memories of my brother
   I bring myself down and rip myself  apart for my inabilities and faults
   I am afraid of being vulnerable, and opening up because I've been hurt by those who love me

I hide among my new personality of strength fun freedom and bravery.

anger
Anger for nothing
Just ****** and being an ***
Can't say why I'm
mad

stress
Stressed from little
On edge for everything I have
Can't stop my
stain

empty
Empty from this
Left drained from day to day
Never felt so
hollow

before
Haven't felt so
Hol

You hate the people
That reflect the weak parts of you
That's what I use to think
Your worst moments
Are the ones that you remember
At least that's what I'm told
And your biggest enemies
Are what shape you the most
That's what I learned

I can't tell if I changed for good
I don't know if I am getting better
I can see the lines are not parallel
But we may intersect

Is I true that my actions
Aren't mine
Is really just a mime
Of what I've seen
Could I actually
Be imitating hate

I stand among the forgotten
We move without a trace
We speak without a sound
Heard but not listened to
Sympathized but shunned
...
I stand among the few
Those who want to be known
Ignored when speaking
So we shout
Not seen when walking
So we stomp
...
I am a man
A man with emotions

I am tired of them saying,
"you'll get him next time"
"you almost had him"
"you were so close"

I am tired of seeing,
your eyes so filled
with **** pity
I'm afraid if I bump you
I'll get it on my clothes.

So *******,
you don't know what you say,
you don't know what I do,
You don't know how I fight...
And if you don't *******
You just might.

What is the ultimate evil
Well pineapples on pizza
Where is that stored
In pandora's pizza box

What the ultimate evil for men
Talking about the deep stuff
And no guys not ***
The feels that we repress
That we keep
In our Mandora's box

No these feels are like pineapples
Some people are totally fine with them
And even share them
Though most people don't want them to

But sooner or later
You will come across pineapple pizza
And just like the feels
You can ignore it
But it's still there on the counter
And sure some could throw it away
But then your throwing away pizza

You could pick off the pineapples
But there is still that juice
Just like there is still that fear
When you talk even selectively about feels

Ok so just eat all the pineapples
No chance not for you
Not opening up to you
But you got to open up to somebody
And maybe they make the pineapples
Taste like a meat lover deep dish
Probably not but maybe
Just a little better

I am defined
By the blood
And tears I've shed,

I was formed
By the pieces
That were put together,

I am not whole
Not who I was
Not what I want
But what I got,

I was made
Not made from clay
And a hand,
But from flesh
And a knife

Who I am isn't due to love
Who I am was caused by fear
But that doesn't make me less
It makes me more,
I should remember that
I came from pain
And have made it far.

Me making a mistake
Then trying to make
The best out of my mistake

I use to chase sanity
Thought it would bring happiness
But now I've embraced crazy
And all the stories we bring

I use to strive for normal
Thought it would bring friends
But now I've pursue weird
And all the jokes it brings

I use to wish for silence
Thought it would bring the better me
But now I embrace the noise
And all the imperfections I bring

I still dream for love
Thought it would bring peace
But I still chase that dream
And all of its foolishness

Ever since I got asthma
I feel like I've lost part of me
Every time I run
Every time I lift
My lungs break down on me

Ever since I got asthma
A part of me is stuck in the inhaler
No mater how many puffs
No matter how many breathes
It will always be there

A man with no eyes
Can see no evil
We wish to be him

A man with no heart
Can feel no pain
We strive to be him

A man with no soul
Feels no remorse
We wish to be him

A man with no pride
Can feel no shame
Well either way
We will feel no shame

When words can't aide,
Tears are made

I use to check on you
Even though I said I was done
I hated it
But I needed to

When I did stop
You had just left my mind
I was content
But then you dropped by

I didn't mind our talk
I actually enjoyed it much
But you left so quick
And now I'm back
To shamefully
Glancing by

My plan has worked
                      Nobody thinks I'm emotional
                                             I got what I want
                      Nobody know I'm broken

    But now everyone thinks
That I have no feelings
    But nobody knows
That I need some help

                 I got what I wanted
                  But not what I needed
                 I got what I wished
                   But not what I hoped for

I wasn't born this competitive
I was forged
Because they strongest metals
Are forged
In the hottest flames
I still feel
The heat of the forge on my skin
Pushing me
To be better then everyone
Pushing me
To fight unwinnable battles
And sometimes
I make it out alive and stronger
And sometimes
I barely crawl away with my life
So the forge
Fires up again pushing me to hate
And the forge
Makes me resent those who are better
Til I can't stand
Being around them or knowing them
Til I can't stand
Doing something I can't win
So the forge
Turns off and makes quit
So the forge
Crumbles onto me and I'm crushed

I wasn't born this competitive
And this lust for victory
Is what's holding me back
From being the strongest I can be

I have a drive
But no start

I have words
But no pen

I have a fuel
But no heat

I have a desire
But I have excuses

I have the ability
But no effort

I have what I need
Except for me.