You will not
Feebly try to waft
My attention away,
Nor use inebriant half no's
To divert mine intent,
No slack jawed half closed unfocused
Gaze will look searching
My face from a haphazard pillow,

For I will not permit That easy excuse,
Nor will I be a
Half memory or an
“Oh that happened - again"
There will be no groggy awakening
Thick with the night before's effect
To face a morning guilt or shame,
Oh no...
Not this time,

This time amidst
The trees and dark
Your every sense
Will know the path We tread,
And not by map nor memory,
For none before ever felt like this,
And there are no maps on page or screen
That show or describe the delicious
Delight of our destination,

So all unknown Dreamed half of,
Yearned for in
That sense of "there must be more",
And here it is,
Alive and true and happening not in a screen near by
But you,

A you who is free
Of alcohol and drug,
A you who's mind is clear,
A you who is party to what may follow,
A you who adores not endures the
Anticipation the foreplay
And the game
Above all a you who takes full part,
Who says yes because she's asked,

Weeks of wrestling
With the line
And feeling
Your footing
Slip on ever
Less dependable
Gravel

Feeling not just
The solid power
Upon the line
But that imperterbable strength,
That fearsome yet calm focus

As a fish once caught
Is reeled in not to rod
And not to shore,
But to new self knowledge
Evermore

Feet now wet
Toes dipped in the waters
Which soon will
Close above as you
Slip delighted
Beneath their waves

No drink nor drugs
No fog nor *****
This time,
No feeble wafting
Or barely stated
"No" nor "please"


No victim yielding
Passive acceptance
This time,
No waking slow
After the fact
The ****,

No sense of being
Used in absence,
Your body spread
And penetrated
While your mind
Was far away

This time awake,
This time Participant,
This time giving
That well used yet still
Functionally ****** part


This time to feel
Every scrape of fabric lost,
Every embrace,
Each caress,
Every fingers touch

Upon private skin
That never felt
So alert so alive
So aching to be
Enjoyed
Provoked

And no pretence
This time,
There is no innocence nor
Excuse that's worth
The name

For this is you
And this is us
And we both know
The rules of this
Fine game

So thus are you
Woo'd
Seduced,
Deliberately stepping in harms way

Yet safe as your mind
Wanders again but
A different way,
A way of awareness and delight

Til finally that release
And surrender by
Conscious will,
That step across the edge of reason

That fall craved fully
Half a century
Comes finally
Home to roost

And so the lightning  
Has lost its malleable nature
And the need to be tucked in
Has faded,

I know longer see what is needed there,
Which way the spike should point
Or where or how to redirect
To better end,

I see just how much sleeker
And better fit is the
ball of natural energy that
Previously I did mould

And watch it dart away
Upon its own way
Independent and angry
Beyond my help

Exiting my aegis
For pastures new
Wherein I play no part
But to hold my cheek and check a tear

To feel that slap
The ache
The smart

And there it is
That slap that we discussed
And was said would never come,
A stinging roundhouse
***** of a thing
That even half expected still hurts,

Is it the stinging pain that hurts?
Or the attendant change of heart
And the failure to hold to
That hard won learned
Body of knowledge and
A system of belief?

Believe me I am big enough
A straight on punch with a closed fist
Is going to be absorbed
And then be reacted to,
Counter struck
And then followed by attack

But in this I cannot,
Will not counter nor attack
For this is not a fight
That I desire and neither is there a victory
Nor a war to be won,
Just sadness at losing

Once again

The lightning rods are all around me,
Above and below and beside and behind,
Even inside and through my very me and
Bursting out all over,

Because like all of us I have mine own,
Charged with all I am and
All that I desire,
All I crave and would achieve

Are described by arcing bolts
Of something like electricity,
Yet terrible and beautiful
In a way that volts alone just aren't,

But why then can I read the
Bolts of others so readily?
How is it I can reach and touch
And bend these other's

Essential sparks to better
And more profitable things?
To that my judgement feels is better,
Or is good?

Am I to be trusted with such a power
Such semi omnipotence with such
Attendant potential to harm
And maim?

Yet if not me then who?
For I do see and I am able to bend the
Struggles of another to better or for worse,
Seeing a better course I cannot help myself

But to reach out and change another's destiny,
But so far what harm have I done?
Have any truly suffered?
Has any harm been me?

None so far and this then do I share
I will continue bending lightning
The best I can and why?
Because I can

Because I dare

Because I care

Look in your heart and what do you see?
Look into your deepest darkest desire,
What is it your eyes perceive?
That which is watching your gaze,
That scary scary thing,
Is me