Sometimes i force myself to cry,
so i don't drown in my emotions.
I pity myself until i am tired ,
then the nightmares come,
i dream of betraying you.

I haven't forgave myself.
I did not forget.
I was too young to understand,
the things i have done,
and what they meant.

I would never do it again,
never look the other way.
The words i say i will keep,
until God takes me away.

Will it ever be enough?
The life i'm willing to give to you?
Will my love be able,
for us to live this through?

i want to write my pain out,
but it won't drip through my pen
it's been stuck there for five years,
a rotting clot inside my head.

Who are the people who decide what is the beauty?
Who is the person who made suicides trend?
Who picks the standards for how i should dress?
Who chose the right amout of food i should eat?
Who says i should be as everyone else
And why are everyone turning that way?
Thank you but i have peace of my own mind, and i won't listen what you say.

Will my children, carry his DNA?

Nautilius is ready,
prepared as it can be,
searching for the lost Atlantis,
drowned in deep blue sea.

there is someone in my mirror,
someone i know well.
its bones are cracked
but it feels no pain.
its lips are black
and eyes are gray.
every now and then
it tries to escape,
it breaks the glass
and cuts its face.
and when we met
it had new scars,
that never hurt,
and never bled.
it counts my words
and then goes mad,
if my hairs are not
perfect on my head.
it tells me where
it tells me when,
and then goes mad
if i don't obey.
it wakes me up
to check the door,
and then goes mad
if it's locked once.
it moans and cries
if i knock three times,
instead of four
which is fine.
it whispers softly
when i walk,
to make sure
my steps are all
carefully counted
four.