Touch you with my touch
now you feel the rush
of my hand like a paint brush
slowly tracing your curves
but I do not deserve
such a woman like yourself
so deserving of respect
but when my friends would talk about that chick
and want to bone her
bone would carry me back
to the skeletons in my closet
only concerned about getting in between that girl’s hips
when they ***** her
I wanted to be that girl’s hips
the bones inside of her
because without me she couldn't move alone
and without her heartbeat
I'd just be bones.

As your precious finger slowly traces the shape of my lips, chills shoot through my spine faster than a nervous cop.

Your touch is only comparable to perfection, each second felt is another second I fall harder.

Your smile is something I have never seen before; and how is it the smile you hate is the exact thing I cherish?

Your presence carries the ability to take me off the ledge and make me feel euphoria; a word not well known, but perfectly appropriate.

How is it you come into my life and save the day, but at the same time mess it up?

Just as I feel I am ready to spread my wings and enter the next chapter of my life, you remind me what it feels like to love.

When I look at you, I can see the emotion carried in your eyes. You put on makeup to cover your unwanted scars, but its those scars that make you who you are, the girl I fell harder than the deployment of an airbag for.

When you catch me staring and you ask, "what" while you shake your head, smile, crinkle your nose, and push me.

I always respond with the standard, "oh nothing" as I smile and carry on. You must wonder why I always stare and the truth is, I can't help it.

The voice you make while you try to be nice to be never ceases to entertain me. You constantly try to downplay your words by changing your tone of voice, yet I see through you as though your a window covered in gold.

When you set your mind to something, I am fascinated watching you accomplish your goal. Your ability to conquer what you set your mind to is inspiring, yet you let the doubt of others get in the way.

I'm nervous this whole thing is moving faster than a train because I want to embrace every moment, yet the speed makes me feel alive.

Don't go anywhere, or you might miss the ride.

I wondered if I was too soft, too pliable, to bendable, to breakable

I wondered if my sensitiveness would be better served on a censorship list

if it would be better to weather my own emotions until they eroded

a road not known to be so gentle

because when you're always spoken to like a mistake

it starts to be the only thing you can taste and you end up feeling less like great and more like pain

my mother swears that I am the air that she breathes

so when they diagnosed her, I hope the doctors didn't blame it on her environment

and when my friends would talk about that chick and wanna bone her

 bone would carry me back to the skeletons in my closet

while they were only concerned about getting in between that girls hips, when they ***** her

              I wanted to be that girls hips, the bones inside of her

                    because without me she couldn't move alone

                                   and without her heartbeat

                                           I'd just be bones

I can't tell you how many times my friend Maddy was battered up on   homeless plate

but we still dug out love

she was rocked quite often, but was one hell of a mountain climber

she payed a hefty price to wear his fists, and they were the most expensive eye makeup I've ever seen

when my friends would brag about how many lamp shades they would look under in their room, how many metaphorical lamps laid on the nightstand surrounding their bed

my mother always said if I let them shine in my mind, I wouldn't need not even one night stands

    I hold them high

                   spell a woman

                                a woman is a
                         man
                   on
            wo

and you can still be fly if you land on one

disrespect them, and we're kicking dirt on the land from which we all grow

while most guys are treating the inside like a candy store, I found that all the getting inside in the world don't matter until you feel like you've found your golden rapper

while most guys are wishing that girl is blind enough to see their ulterior motives

they've forgotten most women have super powers

all they see are invisible men, and I wanted to make her feel my words like brail to the unseen

I wanted to bring life to those frozen in time words once told to her

because those 'I love yous' and 'I miss yous' from her exes were paralyzed from the neck down

they were just trying to get ahead, and once alive, need oxygen to live

and sooner or later she was only living to breathe life into those words, and I wanted to breathe life back into her

my mother taught me things

she said, just because someone before you  

                             spent time in her boiler room
    
                                 doesn't mean they turned

                                              the heat on

she said, no matter who smashed you make sure you love that girl to pieces

a girl's past is like cremated ash, it's been lived already

my mother said, kisses are like stitches, they heal all wounds as long as they don't remain hidden in a bottom right corner of special occasion birthday cards

       because every kiss does not begin with k, they begin with lips

                                         and so does every life

                       It's time for us guys to start

                 respecting where

         we came

    from.

"Dear Trevor,

After careful review, we cannot offer you admittance to our University."

As my brain processes each word typed onto this piece of paper, my spirits hit the ground faster than a rocket launched into Israel.

Funny isn't it?

I spend 17 years of my life being told by my parents I am the smartest, cutest, most handsome boy in all of God's green earth.

Here I am, starting to believe them.

I've spent the past two days driving myself to the edge, "What if I spent one more hour studying, one more day practicing, one more month preparing?"

These "what ifs" have the power to drive someone far away from their true self.

I soon found myself with two options.

Option number one: I can drive myself crazy thinking about every opportunity missed.

Option number two: I can prove them wrong.

So I decided to give them their own denial letter:

"Dear fortunate fool,

After careful thought, I am writing today to thank you. Due to your denial, I will now be working twice as hard to prove you wrong. I will treat everyday as though someone was working twice as hard to take it away from me. I look forward to the day I am asked, 'What has driven you to become the most successful man in the world.' And I will respond, 'I was told I was not good enough, and that just would not do.'

Sincerely yours,

A fortunate denial"

It was an average Sunday morning consisting of cartoons, breakfast on the stove, and hot chocolate.

I yelled into the next room, "Dad is breakfast almost ready?"

After no response I yelled again, yet still nothing. I decided to get off the couch, and after that nothing would ever be the same.

As I entered the room my dad stood as though he was the prisoner of Medusa.

He began to shake and his head proceeded to slowly approach the non forgiving marble counter.

I ran to the kitchen and caught him in my arms just before his precious head impacted the counter.

There I sat, a twelve year old boy holding his father in his lap while his father's mouth began to foam.

My father's head sat so perfectly within my lap and I watched my father's soul began to lose touch with reality.

I screeched for help, but no one answered.

How can a boy still trying to master his multiplication table be asked to hold his father in his arms as his breath slowly ceased to exist.

I pushed my ear into his mouth to see if any breath of life was left, I heard nothing.

January 14th, 2009.

11:05am.

Happiness came knocking, no one was home.

"Tell them
                you love them
                                         and never
                                                           talk to them
again. "

There was once a curious King that was loved by all and understood by few. After years of ruling the land, he felt as though he was missing something. After days of pacing back and forth in hopes of discovering the newly felt void, it came to him. He approached his servants with the toughest task to ever be given. He sat in front of his people and spoke, "I need something that carries the ability to make me happy when I am sad and sad when I am happy." After his task was given, a servant yelled out, "That's preposterous!" Minutes passed, no one dared to take on such a task; failure to produce success would result in expulsion from the kingdom.

Moments went by and still there were no takers, but finally his most trusted servant says, "I shall take on your task my King." The room went silent, a mere pin drop could be heard from miles award. The King smiles and says to him, "You have 30 days, I wish you luck."

The servant returned back to his bedroom and packed everything he could carry, along with every cent he had ever made. He traveled throughout the land to the richest of towns in hopes of an answer. He found himself continually asking shopkeepers, spiritual members of society, and every person he passed, "What would make you happy when you're sad and sad when you're happy?" His question was constantly met with laughter, sympathy, or was left ignored.

Ten days have passed and he has made no progress. Every night he was haunted with the King's words, "Does such a thing even exist?" His spirits began to plummet. Day after day, night after night, he faced constantly failure due to a concept he hard a time understanding.

Twenty days have passed and he began to find each night of sleep was met with tears. The mere thought of failing the King made him tremble in fear. Each night he thought, "How is it possible to find something that will make my King happy when he is sad and sad when he is happy?"

Twenty nine days have passed and his journey home was underway. He had failed his King, he has never failed him, he thought to himself, "What else do I have to offer the world?"

On his last day, he was walking through the last town before he would re-enter the kingdom. The servant walked through the town with hopes low and shoulders lower. As he was walking a shopkeeper stops him, "My son, what causes you to carry such sorrow." The servant laughs, "Oh trust me, you would not know a thing about what I am going through. You are just a mere ***** shopkeeper!" The shopkeeper responded, "My son, not giving another man a chance for success will get you no where." The servant sighs, "Fine, my King has sent me on a mission. He wishes to find something that will make him happy when he is sad and sad when he is happy." The shopkeeper pauses for several minutes and his eyes brighten, "I have just the thing, follow me inside." The servant rolls his eyes and follows. As they enter the shop, the shopkeeper opens a cabinet. Just as he is pulling a silver ring from the cabinet the servant stops him, "You expect me to give him a ring worth less then my shoes?!" The shopkeeper responds, "Breathe my son, I will solve your troubles." The shopkeeper enters the back of his shop and asks the servant to stay in front. A half hour passes and the shopkeeper returns, "This should do it, now go before the sun sets... consider us even."

The servant grabs the ring and runs back to the kingdom before his deadline surpassed. He is met with music, wine, women; however, he feels he has not succeeded. The King greets him, "Welcome back! What do you have for me?" The servant sighs and says to him, "I have traveled all throughout the land and all I have to offer is this ring." The servant looks down to his feet and hands the King the ring that was wrapped in linen.

Just as he is about to tell the King he will return to his bedroom and collect his belongings, the King begins to sob. The music comes to a holt, the women stare, and every eye lays upon the King. The King begins to uncontrollably sob, he gets off of his thrown and embraces the servant in his arms. He says to him, "You have done it, you have found something to make me happy when I am sad and sad when I am happy. I am forever in debt."

That day in the Kingdom a servant was saved from expulsion, a crowd remained perplexed, and a King remained misunderstood.

The servant did not understand and asked the King, "My Kind I am sorry, but why is this ring the answer to your question... it is only a ring." The King responded, "You did not read the engraving?" The servant remains anxious, "No my King, what does the engraving say?"

The King responds, "This too shall pass."

He looks into her eyes as though they hold a thousand secrets

his pupils slowly enlarge in hopes of gaining more nonexistant visibility

his mouth slowly falls agape to grasp more oxygen

no words exist to describe such a sight

he looked into her eyes like how I watch a sunset

as a fiery red orb of light slowly sinks beneath the horizon

threads of light linger in the sky

mingling with the rolling clouds

dyeing the heavens first orange

then red

then dark blue

until all that was left of the sunset was a chalky mauve

then that melted away in turn as stygian darkness took over the sky

his eyelids blissfully came back together

his mouth returned to its original state

he looked at her

and suddenly sadness ceased to exist.

Blink

All is well in suburbia

Blink

Distraction comes to me like birds come to a feeder

Blink

My foot hits the break, but it is too late

Blink

Light ceases to exist in my newly found chilled world

Blink

Airbag dust floats throughout my car as though fulfillment to my joy was just released

Blink

Blue and white lights fill my pupils

Blink*

Happiness comes knocking, nobody is home.

He walks up to me and says, “bro if you think about it, Israel is like racist”
Immediately the urge to pass my fist down his throat comes upon me
But, we’re at school, so I decided to bite my tongue instead of his
He continues to try and tell me everything that is wrong about my home, my home, my home
After his first words, my mind goes into a flashback to my home:

Serenity
Steel and rubber wheels, trudging along earth’s edge
The wail of a young infant, piercing the atmosphere like a pin drop in silence
The pop in my temples
Pressure on my skull
They both splice my silver-lined thoughts and urk my discomfort
The dry air strategically carves cracks onto the surface of my lips so that they are no longer an instrument of communication, but solely a burden on my comfort

All components of hell build walls around me
But serenity knocks at my door, I am finally home

“Dude are you listening to me?”
I awake from my coma, to the pure sound of ignorance
Here stands a boy trying to tell me my muse I use to live by is a lie
Here stands a white privileged boy who thinks he knows the answers to the world because he can read a ******* text book

I regained consciousness..
He says, “Anything to say, bro?”
I thought to myself, I can stand here for hours and try to explain
Who the hell are you to waste my time


I lost the switch somewhere during the conversation
The moment in which black changed to white was blurred
But I know one thing
I know one thing better than I know my own soul
I know that the world was serene when I touched ground at my home

I stood in front of him and started to begin laughing
Each chuckle was enough to make the world dance on stilts
It crawled up to every nook and down through each crevice of the room
The understanding he gained realizing I would not let his ignorance get to me
I stood there and laughed, I had no reason not to
To be alive was a reason to laugh
To survive the persecution of my people, was a reason to laugh
To survive the countless pennies being thrown at me, was a reason to laugh
To survive being told you’re a jew, you’re not good enough, was a reason to laugh
To survive being called a ***** ******* jew, was a reason to laugh
To survive being thrown to the ground and called a ****, was a reason to laugh
To get back up and RISE, was a reason to smile.