i really hate you i do i know i do because
every time i hear your name my blood boils and
there is a scream begging to be released stuck in
my throat and ******* if you look at me one last time
i'm not sure what i'll do because no,
you do not have the right to play with my emotions
you do not have the right to tell me you love me and
then leave you do not have the right
to

make

me

fall

in

love

with

you
no, no, no

you do not have the right to only talk to me when you
feel like it or when you feel insecure because honey, i can
love you in all those times, but you do not have the right to
tell me that you love me too

especially if you don't

and when you run your hands over
the concave of my stomach
and feel my ribs poking out, like unwanted monsters
please do not question it, please pretend like
it is not there; ignore the feel of my thighs and my
bony legs are nothing to worry about
i'm okay, darling you worry too much
i'm just a little underweight
i wish you knew, that i am okay, there's nothing wrong
with me trust me, i know that you think that i'm light but
that's because you can't see what i do, you don't see what i
do, you don't see that i am a mess, an imperfect
unworthy creature next to your angel like stance
and i wish you could see it, i really do because
maybe then you'd understand why i am who i am and you're
beautiful sweetheart, you are and all i want to do
is catch up, i want to be that person you deserve and
i will be soon, don't worry
i'm just a little underweight that's all,
a little underweight

it was michael's sixth birthday and he had on a suit
and a spiderman tie, his mom had gushed
over how handsome he was, but he didn't feel handsome
he felt so much pressure with the suit on and
he didn't like it at all
//
today michael was 13 and he stared at himself
in the mirror, questioning his reflection
he had stolen his older sister's skirt because he thought
she looked pretty in it, and he wanted to look pretty
too, and he does; he thinks he looks beautiful
the wonderful moment in ruined however by the
squeak of the door and the utter shock on his mother's face
//
michael's sixteen and biting his lip he had never felt more pretty
in his entire life, he had bought a dress with the excuse it was
for his "girlfriend" and he has tried it on and it fit like
a glove and michael cried suddenly because
he knew that this was the last time he would ever wear a dress
and feel special
//
at michael's funeral he is dressed in a black and white suit
with a blue tie, and all anyone could think
was what a shame, of course if michael were alive
he'd be thinking that he would probably look prettier
with a skirt on, and if only people would've accepted that
then he probably would've been there to say it

(h.l.)