heather leather

Apr 2015

yasmine

torture

tomorrow makes a year that you said you were done with me
but ironically i dreamt of you last night

my head is spinning.

#heartbreak

Apr 2015

em

She.

she’s the girl who will remember everything. from your birthday, to the story behind that scar on your left arm, to the number of freckles on your body.

she will love every inch of your body and your soul and even the heart you didn’t know you had.

she will take in everything you have to offer and give you back so much more. so much, that you won’t even know what to do with it.

she will open up the world for you. from books and music and film to things like culture and race and language.

she’s smarter and far more beautiful than she dares herself to show.

and you will love her.

you will love her like you’ve never loved anybody before.

she will level every winter your body has suffered with all the springs her bones have weathered.

and when you go, because you can no longer handle her, she will drown herself in alcohol and drugs and sorrow. and wonder why she wasn’t good enough.

she will refuse to be saved by any other hand because nobody can touch her quite like you.

she will **** herself with loneliness and then resurrect with her own scent.
and then she will do it again.

and again.

and again.

and again.

she will be weak and strong and bold and shy and mean and nice and everything in between.

she will grow. she will grow strong and tall.

and so will you.

and in ten years from now, when you run into her at the supermarket, she will ask about your marriage.

and while you’re there telling her about your wife, who is home with the kids, and your job, she will feel genuinely happy for you.

because she forgave you. she forgave you for walking away and she forgave herself for ever thinking she wasn’t good enough.

she will have realized by then that sometimes life will give you somebody just to watch you break when it takes them away from you.

and she will be okay with it.

and so will you.

but, she will walk away without telling you about her life because she doesn’t want you to hear it in her voice that she still remembers your birthday, and that birthmark on your right shoulder.

and that ten years ago, she had hoped you would run into somebody else and told them all about her being at home with the kids.

heather leather Apr 2015

sweater paws

you asked me the other day what depression felt like
and i told you that it was like drowning but
you could see everyone else around you breathing;
you stared at me then, pity in you eyes
but also wonder almost as if you were seeing
an artifact in a museum, you looked at me
that way because i had not told you the rest
i didn't tell you how close i came every night to
giving in to the voices in my head or how
whenever i was scared i would run a knife along my arm;
not to cut myself with it but to feel the cool against my skin
i did not tell you that my life became a movie flashing
before my eyes that night i accidentally drowned and
how it took six months of Death knocking at my door
for me to stop and to realize that this was a problem
i didn't tell you any of that because then i knew your eyes would
widen when you realized that the same sweater paws
you would tease me about were there for a reason and then
you would look at me, with understanding in your eyes and
sadness too because then you would realize
that i wasn't an artifact in a museum or a war veteran
i was just a girl with large sweater paws and a tight lipped smile

so maybe it is better for you to believe that i am an artifact
because maybe then i could still wear sweater paws
without you questioning me too much

(h.l.)

"what's depression like?"
"it's like drowning except everyone around you is breathing,"
^random story that i can't remember oops

heather leather Apr 2015

you

i
have
not
formed
a
coherent
thought
since
i
met
you

who needs coherent thoughts though amirite

heather leather Apr 2015

jealousy

you used to write the words that would take
my breath away and they
are engraved in my skin with a kind of ink that
keeps me alive and you used to call me a ghost because
of my pale skin and you would write metaphors
just on that alone
you still do actually, but now that you write about her
i find that your poems half as good

this isn't even a poem more like a rant and it's not even an honest rant it's more like based on a book and what makes this even more ridiculous is that i'm being biased so yeah

heather leather Apr 2015

i miss you

there are sounds, i can hear that much if i pay attention
but that's all i can hear anymore besides your
voice in my head and you breathing is still ****** into my
memory
sometimes, when it gets really cold i can still feel your
warm embrace around me and your heartbeat echoes in my
mind like a tune that never stops playing and
i don't know whose fault it was anymore at
this point all i know is that i miss you
i miss you
and not in the way i thought i would,
i do not miss you with heart-wrenching sobs and
an inability to breathe
i miss you with careless sighs and haunting photo albums
and an inability to live because you had
become such a permanent part of my life that
i didn't even notice you anymore you were like
a fresh inked tattoo that grows old and doesn't fade
until one day you wake up and you
realize it was all temporary
tattoos start to itch and they become a menace,
maybe i was a menace and yet somehow
i can't bring myself to have enough pride to
guard myself up again, i still slip everyday when you say hi
i say hi back and i promised myself that i wouldn't
respond the next time you called but i know
that in the end i will because i can't help it
*i miss you

*hello there,
the angel from my nightmare
the shadow in the background of the morgue,
the unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
we can live like jack and sally if we want
you can always find me,
we'll have halloween on christmas and in the night
we'll wish this never ends,
we'll wish this never ends
i miss you
miss you*
-blink 182 "i miss you"